Page 5 | 12 YO DD and WhatsApp. Did I handle this correctly and what to do going forward

thecomedyofterrors · 03/04/2026 10:27

Boolabus · 02/04/2026 12:09

My dd13 12 year old friend died by suicide last year. There is a police investigation ongoing with a focus mainly on online phone chat groups like whats app. The experience has been horrific, the devastation it has caused is beyond peoples comprehension, her lovely parents are trumatised. My dd was not on these chat groups it seems to involve groups linked to her sport not school. My child has had to grow up so quickly and deal with such pain and grief and I am heartbroken for her.

Reading the description of the whats app messages I feel physically sick. I am begging you @lookinggforadvice to report this group to the school so this child's parents know asap what is going on and what this child is being subjected to. It is everybodies job to keep children safe, why do you not seem to grasp the urgency in this? I am dumbfounded.

As far your daughter having a 2 hour temper tantrum because you took her phone after her engaging in this bullying, no words. You have a lot of work to do there

OP. Read this and take action. Report to school asap.

User33538216 · 03/04/2026 10:33

Sendmeaneffectivekeyring · 31/03/2026 23:32

Yes that is one of the nasty tricks, isn't it? To keep adding the victim to a chat s/he hasn't asked to join and doesn't want to join. So that they have to see all of the horrible things being written about them. Anyone who hasn't tried to get their child through this has no idea.

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You can change your settings so that you’re not added to any groups. Not the point of the thread, but worth a mention if this is happening to anyone.

T1Dmama · 03/04/2026 15:21

lookinggforadvice · 31/03/2026 22:16

Dd is in year 7. She started at a school where she knew no one but settled in really well, however it seemed like they all kept in touch on WhatsApp so we let her have an account which we would monitor. All very immature group chats

However tonight I looked for the first time in a couple of weeks and it looks like they have turned against one girl, DD included. Nasty bullying comments and short videos including one with her friends name on a grave stone. Awful. Separate to this she is messaging the same girl privately chatting about holiday.

i’ e confiscated her phone for now, and deleted WhatsApp altogether and told her she not having it until she is mature enough to use it properly. I obviously want to go through how bad this is, but she’s literally thrown a 2 hour meltdown demanding WhatsApp back.

i’m horrified by how nasty some of the messages were, but don’t want to completely cut DD off. How would you proceed

Well done for this. Wish more parents would take a hardline on bullying!
I would be tempted to contact the other parents too….
or if you don’t know them contact the school and show them the discussions taking place. The other kids don’t need to know who told on them, but this bullying needs to be stopped ..
Your daughters tantrum over loosing WhatsApp - I’d tell her she’s not having the phone back at all for the rest of the week and if her behaviour continues a
day will be added for every tantrum or bratty behaviour!

A warning though for all you parents - my DD is open and honest with me and always tells me what’s going on at school…. Kids as young as year 7 were sharing nudes to their friends or partners which were then shared to the whole year whatsapp!! My DD has come to me several times with shock over things that have been shared… I’ve had to put in safeguarding concerns to school more times than I can count!! (No children know where the complaints come from!)..
Also be aware these kids are accessing dating sites - my DD has informed me some of her friends are chatting to older lads on line and some have been sent ‘dick pics’ and some have sent back nudes of themselves!! And yes some started in year 7!!…. One recently sent a picture to a lad who she believes is 19 and he’s told hers showing all his friends!! … which is illegal as well as horrible!!
It is also worth noting that if your children are sharing images of each other this is classed as making and distributing images of children… also worth remembering that children over the age of 10 can be tried as adults in court!
Talk to your children about the law around sharing indecent images of other people!! I have told my DD if ANYONE shares an image of a naked child (even if of themselves) it is an offence for her to reshare!! This includes AI images of naked children or even quite clearly fake images where a huge penis has been added to a picture of a baby … sharing this IS still classed as distributing indecent images of children!

My BF is a police woman and recently warned a family member about an image he’d reshared of a baby in a womb (scan pic) that had had an adults penis put in the place where genitals are.. saying something like ‘it’s a boy’…. It was a joke but the laws on this still mean that he shared an indecent picture of child .. the person who added the penis ‘made indecent images of a child!!’
People seem so unclear of this !! People assume that when people are done for making indecent images that they’ve photographed naked children…. It really can be something as innocent as adding genitals to a photo ‘for a joke!’ And I’m aware I’ve gone off on a tangent… BUT I’m just pointing out that phones in teenagers hands are dangerous!! Have those difficult convos with your teenagers!!!

Crunchymum · 03/04/2026 19:12

T1Dmama · 03/04/2026 15:21

Well done for this. Wish more parents would take a hardline on bullying!
I would be tempted to contact the other parents too….
or if you don’t know them contact the school and show them the discussions taking place. The other kids don’t need to know who told on them, but this bullying needs to be stopped ..
Your daughters tantrum over loosing WhatsApp - I’d tell her she’s not having the phone back at all for the rest of the week and if her behaviour continues a
day will be added for every tantrum or bratty behaviour!

A warning though for all you parents - my DD is open and honest with me and always tells me what’s going on at school…. Kids as young as year 7 were sharing nudes to their friends or partners which were then shared to the whole year whatsapp!! My DD has come to me several times with shock over things that have been shared… I’ve had to put in safeguarding concerns to school more times than I can count!! (No children know where the complaints come from!)..
Also be aware these kids are accessing dating sites - my DD has informed me some of her friends are chatting to older lads on line and some have been sent ‘dick pics’ and some have sent back nudes of themselves!! And yes some started in year 7!!…. One recently sent a picture to a lad who she believes is 19 and he’s told hers showing all his friends!! … which is illegal as well as horrible!!
It is also worth noting that if your children are sharing images of each other this is classed as making and distributing images of children… also worth remembering that children over the age of 10 can be tried as adults in court!
Talk to your children about the law around sharing indecent images of other people!! I have told my DD if ANYONE shares an image of a naked child (even if of themselves) it is an offence for her to reshare!! This includes AI images of naked children or even quite clearly fake images where a huge penis has been added to a picture of a baby … sharing this IS still classed as distributing indecent images of children!

My BF is a police woman and recently warned a family member about an image he’d reshared of a baby in a womb (scan pic) that had had an adults penis put in the place where genitals are.. saying something like ‘it’s a boy’…. It was a joke but the laws on this still mean that he shared an indecent picture of child .. the person who added the penis ‘made indecent images of a child!!’
People seem so unclear of this !! People assume that when people are done for making indecent images that they’ve photographed naked children…. It really can be something as innocent as adding genitals to a photo ‘for a joke!’ And I’m aware I’ve gone off on a tangent… BUT I’m just pointing out that phones in teenagers hands are dangerous!! Have those difficult convos with your teenagers!!!

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Why are you telling the OP 'well done on taking the hard line' - the second post the OP says "we have parents evening the week they go back so I am going to mention to form teacher"

I think your hard line differs somewhat to mine.

The rest of your post is just bonkers!! If that kind of shit is going on, maybe you need to rethink the whole phone issue.

(I'm not saying it doesn't happen just that you seem very blasé for someone with a teenage child and being told all this kind of stuff is going on. My kids would have been phoneless after just one of the events you mention!! I'd have no worries about dick pics and naked selfies if they don't have phones!!)

Sartre · 03/04/2026 19:32

My DD was involved in something similar at the same age. The girl’s mum contacted me to let me know, my DD had deleted the messages! She hasn’t been allowed to have WhatsApp since. I was honestly mortified, she’s never done anything of the sort before or since. She wasn’t the worst by any means but still involved and that was bad enough. I made her take some chocolates and apologise to the girl at school.

Angelil · 03/04/2026 19:49

lookinggforadvice · 31/03/2026 22:16

Dd is in year 7. She started at a school where she knew no one but settled in really well, however it seemed like they all kept in touch on WhatsApp so we let her have an account which we would monitor. All very immature group chats

However tonight I looked for the first time in a couple of weeks and it looks like they have turned against one girl, DD included. Nasty bullying comments and short videos including one with her friends name on a grave stone. Awful. Separate to this she is messaging the same girl privately chatting about holiday.

i’ e confiscated her phone for now, and deleted WhatsApp altogether and told her she not having it until she is mature enough to use it properly. I obviously want to go through how bad this is, but she’s literally thrown a 2 hour meltdown demanding WhatsApp back.

i’m horrified by how nasty some of the messages were, but don’t want to completely cut DD off. How would you proceed

Yeah because being cut off from all the bullying and nastiness will really damage her. Let her be cut off.

Mum2102 · 16/05/2026 23:53

lookinggforadvice · 31/03/2026 22:45

I totally agree with all the points, I thought WhatsApp would be useful for making new friends but it really didn’t go as I thought. She has no other social media.

I don’t know any of the other parents, we were just out of the catchment for the school her primary friends went to so she has started from scratch.

we have parents evening the week they go back so I am going to mention to form teacher.

its been awful to witness how easily she joined in, I need to have an honest conversation about how she behaves in person at school

You're going to "mention it"? What if the bullied child goes and slashes her wrists before then??
I'd be dragging my kids backside to their front door and making her apologise to the parents and child also. As well as using any pocket money she has saved or sell something to buy an apology gift.
The parents of the bullied child should 100% be aware of how vile other girls are being to their daughter so they can support her.
Imagine if it was your child being bullied.
Keep your daughter off social media. All types.