To think that people on here can be cruel.

[NeedingASafeSpace]

I have had personal encounters and seen alot of people on here who are incredibly rude and passive aggressive to posters. People come on MN to post personal experiences to be torn to shreds… I don’t think it is needed half of the time. Maybe that is just me being sensitive. Ainu

Bless you

I nearly posted on that to say that Ive been building up the confidence to try a class, pilates or yoga but that the smug nastiness would make me re think this. I make a lot of noise, its involuntary and all I was reading was about (men) making noise and how they were 'performative' and god knows what else

I cant be arsed with people like that and then remembered that actually most people in real life are normal. People on here are nuts.

Probably including me.

I've noticed a recurring phenomenon where the first few replies on a thread can be short and nasty. As if the posters are scrambling to be the first to stick the knife in. It can sometimes set the tone for the thread, as least for the first page or so until the more balanced replies get a look in.

I try to have a live and let live attitude in general but I do find it difficult sometimes when posters share how they have put their children into clearly awful situations, typically by prioritising a fucking awful man, and can't see just damaging it is. I try to stay away from responding to those threads.

I just switch away from threads where there’s a barney going on. I’ll see an interesting thread, read a bit, then go to the last page… And see two people going at it, usually completely derailing, or missing the point. And definitely never helpful to the OP!

I’d never ask advice re anything sensitive here. It’s okay if you want advice on which mattress is comfy, or a new recipe etc, but if I want kind and helpful advice I go to Reddit. I’ve complained to the mods here, emailed, but they ultimately don’t care. So neither do I any more 🤷‍♀️.

Saw some spam posts the other day but couldn’t be bothered to report them. That’s not my job to help this site be a better place for the management.

I honestly think the whole #BeKind movement created this.

People think they can be as nasty as they like online, including full on bullying, because they've convinced themselves they are good people, and are therefore not doing anything wrong.

And they think they're good people because they tell themselves they're 'kind' because they are opposed to ie racism and homophobia. And usually that opposition just means screaming 'racist' or 'homophobe' whenever someone working class speaks.

I've seen this firsthand with someone I know - she was always quite nasty. Then she got into far left politics (in her 30s and 40s) and is now a proper bully. Ironically, she's also the most racist person I've ever met.

Absolutely!…I’ve been on here on and off for 16yrs and it’s always been like this for me. I’ve had to cancel my account a few times to just get away from it. It can be so damaging.

It’s Particularly prevalent in certain topics such as chat and aibu.

People on any forum can be cruel and nasty, this one is no exception.
I do notice quite a lot of pile ons....probably from the same posters, it's easy to be brave hid behind a computer and a false name.

I really don't think a forum of this kind is good for overly sensitive people, but I also see, when someone has needed help, the majority of people who reply are helpful and kind, so it's not all bad.

Yes I think many posts are unfair and for some people perhaps it's a release from having to be nice all day in RL. Other posters are incredibly kind and patient. I once lost my child's treasured toy and the number of posters who found a replica or offered to send their own was astonishing. People can be all kinds of things. I would prefer that unpleasant people didn't get away with hauling innocent people over the coals. It does seem unnecessary. There's nothing clever about it and I'm sure it causes hurt. But I'm not sure what anyone can do about it.

I find some women on online world and in the real world to be ruder than some men.

When I first joined Mumsnet 10 plus years ago I lurked for a while loving the straightforward and witty advice on the various threads. I was having a tough time with menopause and a new blended family and summoned the courage to put one of my issues out there for advice and perspective. What a mistake - I was utterly shredded, misunderstood and picked apart by the majority of respondents - with the exception of the few kind souls
who advised me that Mumsnet users are not fans of stepmums. It was quite hurtful and damaging. Learned a valuable lesson though!

I'm sorry that happened to you.
I think when someone is new to a forum like this, it can come as a shock that people can be so awful, cruel even.
I don't go with the explanation some give, that it's a release, just nice people letting off steam.
In my opinion nasty forumers are nasty people, on and offline.

This is an issue online in general. DH gave up playing online video games due to the toxicity which he said ruined the experience.

Oh definitely. Cowards, too that can hide behind anonymity.

This. If you have been on MN long enough too, you recognise the same names who purposely argue with the Op or antagonise them. There are about three now I've seen on a regular basis who love tearing posters down.

It’s the picking apart bit that I’ve never understood on MN. Posters seem to need to know every single detail, down to what colour shoes you were wearing, to make an opinion.

They’re also very good at twisting words

I've been called unkind or patronising on here. In reality I'm as far from either as you can get (inoffensive kindly looking, gently spoken middle aged woman in fact 🤣). But I'm autistic and the one thing I've never had to mask is the way I write. I can be quite direct and use precise language. Lots of people can't see past that slightly unusual tone which is almost always masked if you're actually speaking to me. So yes, lots come on here to be unkind (including the poster who recently subjected me to a long post about how awful I am) but I think plenty more just fall slightly outside norms of communication.

The problem is people are saying "oh I came here for advice" "oh I came here to vent..." but that's not the purpose. AIBU is an entertainment site. Once people realise that it is a general cesspit of made up stories usually made to rile people up or get people to criticise a specific group then it all makes sense. It's just a place for people to spout extreme opinions or role play the "quick comebacks" or "tough" personalities they wouldn't do in real life.

It's a game for most people.

The problem is when real genuine people come for advice and generally get terrible advice that everyone claps over because it is "petty" and "brilliant." And they never think of the real world consequences or hurt that their glib advice could bring in real life.

Not saying I like it, just that that is the reality.

Yes, it does happen, but there are a significant minority of people who come on here and expect to be backed up for a decision they've already and get upset when people disagree,

Yeah that is true as well. I’ve noticed some people make what look to be horrible decisions which are clearly negatively affecting their children , then seem amazed when people challenge them on that.

I judge people here who are cruel on here. I cannot think why any reasonable person would be, so I suspect those who lash out are unwell in some way, or very unhappy and frustrated in their own lives and wish to inflict pain on others.

Maybe, but I think it's how people disagree. A calm and reasoned response disagreeing is one thing - insults and speculation are another.

Eg. You sound snobbish/you sound jealous/why do you care?/it's none of your business (when it clearly is!!) etc etc

MN is best used for entertainment rather than information.
😉😁.

I don't know. I've seen replies that challenge the OP dismissed as rude when there was absolutely nothing rude about them.

I find the more aggressive a reply is the lesser the comprehension of the OP.

Personally, I hope to come on MN for an interesting discussion and am surprised most times by the venom that comes my way. It may be closely connected with my username. I have this because I’m in the minority who believe we should give our age group. This would put people ‘s comments in context. For example, I’m clearly senile. 😅

I suspect the truth is that many people don’t know how to have a sensible discussion.
I was taught this in school in debating class. Person A asked to take a certain opinion. Person B asked to state opposite. Sensible class discussion to follow. No insults allowed!
I don’t know if this is still taught?