AIBU to be fed up with him always eating my food?

[DarlVader]

Been seeing someone for about 12 weeks, he told me he had weight loss surgery a few years ago which makes it difficult for him to eat big meals. Fair enough. Issue is that he CONSTANTLY says he’ll “just have a tiny bit of” whatever im eating. Its driving me nuts. If we decide to get a takeaway he’ll say he won’t get one for himself but he’ll have “a tiny bit” of mine. If we get fish and chips he’ll “just have a tiny bit” of mine … but it’s never a tiny bit, its almost half everytime.

We went to cinema a few weeks ago, he said he’d just “have a few” of my popcorn … he ate more of it than I did. I swear most of it was gone before the film started.

So last week I snapped. We went to Lincoln and I saw some lovely looking sausage rolls in the window of a bakery and said I was going to buy one. He said “ooo yes they do look nice! I won’t get a full one though, I’ll just have a tiny bit of yours”. I snapped “no sorry, you’ll have to get your own, I’m not going to stand in the street dividing up a sausage roll”. He seemed suprised and said “oh! Ok … well I suppose I could get one and have half now and half later?” So I said “do what you want, it’s a sausage roll for gods sake”.

Rest of the day was a bit awkward! But I’ve had enough of it, it’s ridiculous.

He’s just asked if I fancy going to York this week and getting a Yorkshire pudding wrap. I replied “yes, one each” so he said “well I don’t know if I could eat a full one” so I said “well no then, let’s not bother”.

AIBU here?? I’m missing just being able to go out and eat/snack a normal couple!

At least labradors are cute and it’s known they’re greedy little things. I’d take the Labrador over a tight man 🙄

This would drive me mad. He is either incredibly tight if he’s not paying towards it or just weird. Run.

He’s just asked if I fancy going to York this week and getting a Yorkshire pudding wrap.

i would end the relationship on the basis of this alone. 12 weeks in and you’re having a conversation about buying a Yorkshire pudding wrap (whatever that is). Too dull and depressing for words.

Please tell me you are not paying? I know someone like this and it is entirely performative AND cos shes a stingy miserable cow with money.

Oh no that would drive me mad.
Aside from the things you’ve (quite rightly) snapped at him in the moment, have you ever actually explained to him how much this annoys you? Tell him you’re fed up of always paying for the food and then having to give him half, after he’s said he doesn’t want any. Tell him from now on he needs to buy his own, whether he eats the full portion or not.

I think it’s a mixture of things.
performative “look at me, I barely eat!”
financial “if I don’t buy one I save money”
psychological “I’m not buying myself a meal so in theory, I’m not being greedy”.

Another thing that annoys me though is when I resist him taking my food he tries telling me I’ll end up putting on weight. I’ve never had a weight issue.

so who pays?

The weight comment alone means you should dump him. He has no right whatsoever to say anything like that to you. Controlling and coercive.

After Yorkshire pudding gate I did end up going off on one 😬 I told him I realise he has food issues but I don’t and just want to enjoy food in a normal way like everyone else. I don’t want his food issue to become my issue

Me

Bizarre - and annoying. Have you spoken to him about it, told him how annoying it is?

Do you like him otherwise? Do you go for dates that don’t revolve around food? Is he generous in other ways?

It does sound like he still has disordered eating…

So he won’t pay for food, takes half of yours and then tries to fat shame you when you try to set a boundary? You know what to do here…

Just to say, a Yorkshire pudding wrap is food of the gods. Hot roast beef ones are the best, but pork works too.

This has me wanting to go to York now. Damnit.

Who can actually be armed with this kind of shit?
Just dump him, he's an annoying cheap skate. Fuck sharing food-hard pass.
Don't even get me started on him commenting about you gaining weight. Stfu is the only response to such nonsense.

I’ve had weight loss surgery so I know why he’s suggesting this - we can literally only eat a bit

BUT

Given that you’ve only been seeing each other a few months it sounds like it’s CF territory

I would always buy my own meal and box up the leftovers for later. There’s no reason why he can’t do that.

The fact you’ve been paying for all the food you’ve shared is a big red flag!

@DarlVader having read your updates I really don't think there's much future in this relationship. You're only 12 weeks in and he's already behaving like this.

I suspect, as you and other PP have suggested, he has major issues around food. Let's face it, anyone who has needed weight loss surgery must have major issues around food, in that they will have become obese enough to require weight loss surgery in the first place. The fact that he's suggested going to York purely 'to get a Yorkshire pudding wrap' speaks volumes. Anyone with a normal relationship with food would suggest going to York to have a nice wander around the city, maybe go to the Minster, or one of the museums. He clearly does not have a normal relationship with food and is already - 12 weeks in - making nasty comments to you.

He doesn't sound worth pursuing, honestly.

I dont think he has food issues at all. Hes just tight. The fact hes never once offered to pay or even go half with you says it all.

If he had issues around food he would be avoiding it not suggesting dates going to a York for a wrap. One that he expects you to pay for while he eats half. Come on now OP open your eyes.

This

I think this too - calories don't count if they are someone else's mentality.

Cheeky bloody sod! Commenting about your weight?? 🚩😮

It feels a bit infantile and would give me the ick. Like he's waiting for Mommy to feed him....

Yeah he disguises it as “concern” 🙄

“oh you don’t want to end up how I was, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone”

Well I won’t will I, because I wouldn’t let myself get to 30 stone before I realised I had a problem 🙄

I would not have the patience for all that BS @DarlVader It sounds as though you tolerated multiple frustrating incidents before losing patience.

The weight comments would be a death knell to the relationship personally.

I feel like this relationship probably isn’t going to work 🤣🤣.
He sounds annoying as fuck.

Urgh my SIL did this after weightloss surgery until she tried to have some of my children’s food, that crossed a line for me and I scraped the food she’d taken back into my child’s fish and chips tray. It wasn’t my finest moment but I was furious at her assuming she could take “a tiny bit” which ended up about half of my child’s meal. She was told in no uncertain terms never to touch or ask for any of my or my children’s food again unless it was leftovers. She never spoke to me for 2 years. I won’t mention the drama over her penis portions when she did decide to speak to me again 🤣

I’m glad you’re not putting up with this man’s rudeness and tightness. He should either bring his own packed lunch or buy his own food.