AIBU to be fed up with him always eating my food?

[DarlVader]

Been seeing someone for about 12 weeks, he told me he had weight loss surgery a few years ago which makes it difficult for him to eat big meals. Fair enough. Issue is that he CONSTANTLY says he’ll “just have a tiny bit of” whatever im eating. Its driving me nuts. If we decide to get a takeaway he’ll say he won’t get one for himself but he’ll have “a tiny bit” of mine. If we get fish and chips he’ll “just have a tiny bit” of mine … but it’s never a tiny bit, its almost half everytime.

We went to cinema a few weeks ago, he said he’d just “have a few” of my popcorn … he ate more of it than I did. I swear most of it was gone before the film started.

So last week I snapped. We went to Lincoln and I saw some lovely looking sausage rolls in the window of a bakery and said I was going to buy one. He said “ooo yes they do look nice! I won’t get a full one though, I’ll just have a tiny bit of yours”. I snapped “no sorry, you’ll have to get your own, I’m not going to stand in the street dividing up a sausage roll”. He seemed suprised and said “oh! Ok … well I suppose I could get one and have half now and half later?” So I said “do what you want, it’s a sausage roll for gods sake”.

Rest of the day was a bit awkward! But I’ve had enough of it, it’s ridiculous.

He’s just asked if I fancy going to York this week and getting a Yorkshire pudding wrap. I replied “yes, one each” so he said “well I don’t know if I could eat a full one” so I said “well no then, let’s not bother”.

AIBU here?? I’m missing just being able to go out and eat/snack a normal couple!

Disagree. I think this was a perfect response . 😀

It is hard not to overindulge because your stomach can stretch back so I get his rationale in trying to avoid weight gain by limiting the potential to overindulge by sharing yours,

Oh for goodness sake, stop making excuses for someone's terrible, selfish behaviour.

His "rationale" 🙄is up to him, but not when it impacts another person and they are the ones paying for food and getting to eat only half of it.

Funny how his rationale only benefits himself and his pocket. He never says "we will buy our own and you can have the half that is too much for me"

➡️🚮

So, have you had an adult conversation about this? He doesn't have ESP and the way he's behaving may just be out of (bad) habit? Has he any idea what he's doing and how you feel?

It sounds like he's had a gastric sleeve. I had one almost 2 years ago. You can actually eat a lot of junk food after about 14 months. Things return to normal'ish. Protein is still a high restriction, child-like portions. However, junk/slider food is easily demolished! Especially popcorn! So, it sounds like he's being tight when it comes to treats. However, nornal meals he would only be able to eat half, or a child portion.

Tell him to order a child-size meal when out and about, or normal size and eat half now, half later. The sleeve is meant to teach discipline, regulation, consistency, high protein, low carb, stay away from junk. It's a really difficult process.

I've lost 15 stone, and now I've stalled. I've got 5 stone left to lose, so I'm going back for a bypass. It's not a magic wand and he should have been knuckling down after the 6 month golden period.

This is not on you. You did not choose to have a sleeve and this is not your dietary lifestyle to live. You shouldn't have to sacrifice food. He is selfish and thoughtless. I have a parent with coelics - Growing up with them, they thought we should all be eating the same as them because they couldn't have normal food or treats, but that's not how life works.

Sounds like he's had wallet surgery as well. To be honest he'd be wearing the fish and chips if that was me. The whole thing sounds decidedly off putting.

Maybe he is. Many posters suggested so and no doubt Darl will evaluate whether it explains the behaviour she observes.

Given how many posters are hyper protective of their food, I wanted to add a point of view where food sharing works for both parties.

Yes, they are seeing each other for three months, what about that? Sounds like a good time to identify what doesn't work and either talk about it or end it.
If Darl wants to talk, understanding what is ok for her and what is no go will make it easier.

Yes, he doesn't pay for the food and eats half. Maybe acknowledging it is a half and taking turns paying would help. Maybe Darl doesn't want it, even if it was fair. Maybe he is weird about money in other aspects and there's no reason to bother trying to fix this thing.

Honestly, three months in is far too soon to be doing "working on the relationship" stuff like talking about how letting one person pay for everything while you snarf half of it and pretend you just wanted a taste isn't a goer. It's not supposed to be difficult this early on. The good news is, he isn't making any effort to hide it, he's setting out early on what he's trying to get away with, so OP doesn't get fooled into staying long enough whereby these sorts of exhausting and usually useless discussions become justifiable.

Even if he did stop doing it, it's such a turnoff that he had to be told!

Update.

he messaged me this morning saying he’d been researching and he doesn’t think the Yorkshire pudding place (can’t believe I’m still on about this) doesn’t do small options so maybe we could go somewhere else.

I replied “I’m not bothered about the Yorkshire puddings, I thought we were going to York to sight see? A city full of history and all you’re bothered about is Yorkshire puddings! When I go somewhere on a day out I just grab whatever takes my fancy on the day, it’s not an important part of the trip”.

Anyway he replied saying it’s easy for me to say as I’m not restricted in what I can eat 🙄

I suggested we go to Fountains Abbey instead. Not a Yorkshire pudding or bastard sausage roll in sight

Do you actually want to go anywhere with this man? I wouldn’t. He sounds tedious.

Im just surprised you are still wanting to go out with him at all tbh.

😂

Fuck me. I couldn't be bothered with this. Are you sure you want to @DarlVader ? He's got massive issues.

Anyway he replied saying it’s easy for me to say as I’m not restricted in what I can eat 🙄.

Yet somehow he's not restricted to food when it comes to stealing other people's is he?

No im going to call it off tomorrow, its not going anywhere is it. Can’t be bothered with it any longer

I think that’s for the best OP - he sounds like a right weirdo.

I don't understand why he can't just throw half the Yorkshire pudding away?

Like I understand some people have that need to eat everything on their plate and that makes them gain weight. But he physically can't. He could literally ask them to cut it in half then throw half of it away in the bin. Or ask for the two halves to be packages separately and save it or give it to a homeless person if he doesn't want to "waste" it.

You're clearly just not compatible and you're going to find yourself stewing on it all the time. Like imagine if you'd refused to share but then you can only manage to eat half of it and you both have to throw half a meal away because you were so against sharing because of past behaviour but in that one scenario you look like the one in the wrong.

Point out you are also not restricted in who you can date and yes dump him. Bellend.

Yorkshire pudding sounds delicious (I'm not British), I would just go and probably eat half (I'm a small eater), then wrap the rest in a bag and eat it for breakfast the day after (that's what I do when I get served a huge portion of something delicious). Choosing your travelling based on "if x town serves small portions or not" will really restrict your travel options. Doesn't sound like he's interest in Yorkshire anyway, he's just interested in the pudding and because that's not happening now he has lost all interest in going. I could not date someone like that.

God, he sounds like a really boring wanker.

He’s sponging off the Op, that’s what’s going on! The gastric band thing is an excuse.

for heavens sake - he has no manners. He sounds tight and a miser.

I think that's a very good plan.

It all sounds extremely joyless.

Well firstly I know I can eat large portions and if for whatever reason I couldn’t on one occasion I’d take half home with me. I’m not going to go through life only eating half a portion incase I can’t eat a full one on the odd occasion

This is it, it's the fact that he's fucking mooching off you that boils my piss.