AIBU to be fed up with him always eating my food?

[DarlVader]

Been seeing someone for about 12 weeks, he told me he had weight loss surgery a few years ago which makes it difficult for him to eat big meals. Fair enough. Issue is that he CONSTANTLY says he’ll “just have a tiny bit of” whatever im eating. Its driving me nuts. If we decide to get a takeaway he’ll say he won’t get one for himself but he’ll have “a tiny bit” of mine. If we get fish and chips he’ll “just have a tiny bit” of mine … but it’s never a tiny bit, its almost half everytime.

We went to cinema a few weeks ago, he said he’d just “have a few” of my popcorn … he ate more of it than I did. I swear most of it was gone before the film started.

So last week I snapped. We went to Lincoln and I saw some lovely looking sausage rolls in the window of a bakery and said I was going to buy one. He said “ooo yes they do look nice! I won’t get a full one though, I’ll just have a tiny bit of yours”. I snapped “no sorry, you’ll have to get your own, I’m not going to stand in the street dividing up a sausage roll”. He seemed suprised and said “oh! Ok … well I suppose I could get one and have half now and half later?” So I said “do what you want, it’s a sausage roll for gods sake”.

Rest of the day was a bit awkward! But I’ve had enough of it, it’s ridiculous.

He’s just asked if I fancy going to York this week and getting a Yorkshire pudding wrap. I replied “yes, one each” so he said “well I don’t know if I could eat a full one” so I said “well no then, let’s not bother”.

AIBU here?? I’m missing just being able to go out and eat/snack a normal couple!

Oh God, my (former) MIL used to do this and it drove me mad! Then when I dared to take more she’d be all fluttery about ‘how much’ I was eating, and that she couldn’t possibly eat that much, it drove me
mad! Plus of course ex never noticed, or if he did just assumed it was normal behaviour as it was what he was used to.

I'd be cancelling York!

And dumping this boring, greedy, cheeky fucker.

@DarlVader i am not an over eater . However there is not a chance I would share my food .
If you are getting meal each when getting a takeaway and sharing that way then yes great. However he is eating what he likes and paying for nothing.
Are you done or can you talk to him about it calmly?

I would put the half eaten food on a plate for her to finish off later. And she won't get any more scone/cookie etc.

@DataColour

thats gross, why does she think others would want to eat food that’s been up against half eaten food that’s been in her gob? I mean, saliva carries a load of germs

JADE is justify, argue, defend, explain. The quoted post is not an example of JADE, it's just a clear statement of the OP's boundary.

Swap 'my boyfriend of 12 weeks' to 'my mother' and id swear it was the same person-right down to having an op to reduce her stomach and the greed

You had to hide any food you didnt want her to eat as a child-im still waiting 40 years on for her to replace my kingsize mars bar that she scoffed and laughed that I shouldn't have left it in the kitchen and you never got a slice of your own birthday cake unless you where very fast

I was once a skint single mum and scraped my last few quid together to buy a Yorkshire pudding wrap for my lunch (im from york but dont live there now)

One of the kids then decided they needed a wee so I gave mine to her ('I dont want one as im not hungry') to hold until I got back

Came back and she'd scoffed it-im told she literally ate it in one bite (crammed it into her mouth)

I hit the roof-her weak excuse was 'you told me to eat it' (I asked her to hold it)

She refused to buy me another one so I went hungry as I had no more money to buy another

She would 'only have a lick' of the kids ice cream (theyd be left holding the cone) or 'a few chips from their plate' (they'd be left with two)

I remember buying a multi bag of the kids favourite crisps and she ate the lot while I nipped to the shop-ate them in front of them crisps spilling out of her mouth,while telling them 'mum will buy you more'

It got to the point I couldn't have any food around her as she'd eat the lot

In her case it was disordered eating,narcissism,selfishness and greed

I'd just dump-dp might have the last few chips or slice of pizza from my plate but only once I've finished and he asks as we clear the plates

I'd have the biggest ick ever-chuck him back

Throw this one back, he sounds obsessed with food.

Most people would order their own food and leave what they can’t eat. DP and I often share a Chinese takeaway as the portions around here are enormous, but we’ve been together for many many years. If he had suggested this in the early days, it would have put me right off. In the early stages of a relationship, you want to see evidence of generosity, not some plonker gobbling most of your food and not even paying for it. Imagine what other delights await further down the road if this is ‘best’ behaviour😬

Ha my mum is like this! i avoid staying with her as she’ll go “ah we had a big breakfast we don’t need lunch/dinner.” Then constantly snacks through the day while everyone else is starving. 💀

What does he do for food when he's on his own? He must be aware most foods don't need to all be eaten at once, he can just eat half. I suspect the problem is he can't just eat half or would struggle to do so, and that would upset him. Instead of thinking, this is my meal, it's a normal portion for one and it's ok to eat it. I get he maybe would feel ill if he ate big portions but we aren't talking big portions are we. He had weight loss surgery because he couldn't manage his weight otherwise but it's forced rather than learning new behaviours.

Good for you being clear OP, I can't stand these types and he sounds particularly bad due to food issues and commenting on your weight!

Suggesting you go for a particular type of food then making out like actually it will be a problem if he eats it, so you should only have half a portion. Urgh! Frustrating, irritating and no bloody fun.

Nope YNBU. I wish more people nipped behaviour like this in the bud as quick as you did.

You need to have a conversation.

I don’t share food, unless agreed and split onto 2 plates.

Make it clear, it sounds infuriating!

He’s a freeloader. He should be offering to buy things like this for you at this early stage.

imagine how it will be further down the line?

You have the patience of a saint if you've endured sharing food for 12 weeks with this person, OP!

I am like PPs. I want a full portion of whatever I'm having, not half! The other person can buy their own child-sized/light-bite portion, if they just want "a bit" of something. Mind you, when my sibling used to pinch food from my plate, it soon stopped when I stabbed them in the back of the hand with a fork...

This would be a big no from me! I mean part of a relationship is eating out,choosing nice food and so on .I would bin him TBH. "sharing" a sausage roll is something you would do with a dog FFS!

@Cherrytree86 she tears bits off, so it's not like she's eating some of it and putting it down. Still gross though, puts you off the rest of it so it goes to waste. She will eat half a small yoghurt and put it back in the fridge with cling film over it, eww. she will eat the rest of it at some point but it's still weird behaviour.

He sounds so annoying and pathetic. Like he's the first person on earth to not easily be able to finish a large restaurant style meal.

It doesn't mean he gets to buy literally no food?!

I'm a small eater, as are many women, (so what? I don't need to talk about it at every eating opportunity) and I don't go round claiming I'm going to steal other people's dinners and not order anything at all for myself because a main meal would leave me with some leftovers?!

Has he never heard of a doggy bag the eejit?

He just sounds self absorbed, selfish, greedy and very very boring. Oh and tight as fuck.

Get into the habit of ordering what you want and asking him to order a child's size of whatever he wants. If he needs to explain that he has stomach staples then so be it.

Explain to your partner that you find it irritating that he eats your food and that being irritated does not bode well for a sustainable, happy relationship.

@DarlVader It is hard not to overindulge because your stomach can stretch back so I get his rationale in trying to avoid weight gain by limiting the potential to overindulge by sharing yours, but not if it leaves you hungry and only getting half of what you have paid for. This is not your problem and he is being unfair or just plain thoughtless.

I think you need to kindly say to him something along the lines of :

"I know you’re trying to manage your portion sizes after surgery, and I really want to support that. But when you say you’ll have ‘a tiny bit’ of mine, it usually ends up being quite a lot, and then I don’t have enough to eat.

I’m happy for you to get a smaller portion, a kids’ meal, or something light for yourself — but I need my own food to actually be mine.”

And if you are always paying and he isn't, just add that you pay for a full meal and rarely get it so you are out of pocket and hungry but add this gently as this is probably new to him.

Sounds like you have weird friends. I am vegan and know many vegans and none of them are like this. They're less picky than a lot of omnis I know. Veganism is not "disordered eating," thanks.

This reminds me of my mother who, when she was offered one of those M&S large chocolate buttons, said 'No, it's too big, but Dreamingofbeergardens and I could share one'.

Share a chocolate button??

Needless to say, I enjoyed my own 'giant' chocolate button as did she! I don't get it at all.

One way I’ve found to deal with this:

I’ll have a tiny bite of yours.

oh I’m quite hungry, you order what you want and I’ll eat anything you don’t finish.

most if the time there’s a performative 3 chips left, but I am quite capable of putting a good dent into a second portion. I am not a “small eater”, even if I am a woman 🙄

I'm with you OP, it is very annoying and needs to stop. Sounds like you have already addressed it the right and hit it head on. No beating around the bush anymore. Well done.

He obviously still has a massive issue with his relationship with food. He is justifying 'not eating' by eating everyone else's food. It's a psychological barrier that has clearly become an obsession.

If he has other merits that you like, maybe suggest if he wants to continue the realtionship, he needs to commit to therapy. This could help him learn to process his emotions around food differently and ultimately change his habits.

Good luck OP!

I imagine there are millions of men out there who would find this post hilarious.