AIBU to be fed up with him always eating my food?

[DarlVader]

Been seeing someone for about 12 weeks, he told me he had weight loss surgery a few years ago which makes it difficult for him to eat big meals. Fair enough. Issue is that he CONSTANTLY says he’ll “just have a tiny bit of” whatever im eating. Its driving me nuts. If we decide to get a takeaway he’ll say he won’t get one for himself but he’ll have “a tiny bit” of mine. If we get fish and chips he’ll “just have a tiny bit” of mine … but it’s never a tiny bit, its almost half everytime.

We went to cinema a few weeks ago, he said he’d just “have a few” of my popcorn … he ate more of it than I did. I swear most of it was gone before the film started.

So last week I snapped. We went to Lincoln and I saw some lovely looking sausage rolls in the window of a bakery and said I was going to buy one. He said “ooo yes they do look nice! I won’t get a full one though, I’ll just have a tiny bit of yours”. I snapped “no sorry, you’ll have to get your own, I’m not going to stand in the street dividing up a sausage roll”. He seemed suprised and said “oh! Ok … well I suppose I could get one and have half now and half later?” So I said “do what you want, it’s a sausage roll for gods sake”.

Rest of the day was a bit awkward! But I’ve had enough of it, it’s ridiculous.

He’s just asked if I fancy going to York this week and getting a Yorkshire pudding wrap. I replied “yes, one each” so he said “well I don’t know if I could eat a full one” so I said “well no then, let’s not bother”.

AIBU here?? I’m missing just being able to go out and eat/snack a normal couple!

He should buy his own, unless he's very hard up.
There's a story on Reddit like this, except it's a woman doing this sort of thing to her partner. He gets the son to video her after he buys a takeaway, to prove the fact she doesn't actually just have a tiny bit of the man's meal.

Most people agreed she was out of order, but probably has issues with food.

A lot of posters have focused on the potential financial aspects of not buying his own food but I think the sheer boredom of listening to him going on about just having 'a tiny bit' would drive me mad. He sounds self-absorbed as well as inconsiderate.

Gavin and Stacey springs to mind! 😂

I was going to say that if he's had weight loss surgery then he clearly has food/eating issues and cut him a bit of slack ... it's the old
"no calories in chips off my boyfriend's plate"!

BUT making adverse comments about your eating and/or weight is unacceptable.

I think you could (should) have been clearer from the start about not sharing your food - it's perfectly reasonable not to want to. Just stick to your guns op.

💕. Yes, seems to be a dying art these days though. Along with any form of kindness or consideration.

Absolute liberties - getting you to pay for everything and suggesting you'll get fat??? I'd also have the ick, you're going to have to bin him, I'm afraid 😂

Its a given that someone will eat their meal, sharing is by invitation only.
No need to explain
By explaining she opened it up for him to follow up with saying she will get fat.

Hes an utter douche

TBH he would be gone already. I don't let anyone take food from me. If they want something then buy it - if they only want a little buy whatever and take the rest home or throw it away - i don't care what you do with your food.

It sounds like this person has an issue with food and they think by having small amounts it stops them eating a lot. I would have a small amount of sympathy but i think they need a better way of dealing with it - taking small amount of someone else's food isn't the answer.

Its deeper than that
Hes trying to project his issues with food onto the Op.
The discussion, bargaining, poor boundaries and then disgust/ humiliation ( you will get fat)

At first I thought - talk to him about it.

Then I read, he is turning it around and talking about your weight. That is unacceptable and I'd be letting the door slam behind him on his way out.

I’d show/tell him how much he’s eating. He could just be a cheeky fucker, or he could be kidding himself that he’s not eating much and may be shocked to know that he is.

Yeah, I think the ick has set in. This sounds unbelievably tedious.

I dumped a chap over something similar - if it was free, funded by someone else, then he'd partake, otherwise his hand firmly welded to his wallet!

I'd be binning him off simply for suggesting York on a Holiday weekend... Traffic is absolute chaos here at the moment, parking fees (if you can find a space) extortionate and the queue for the puds place will be bonkers long and the streets rammed albeit worth the wait for the pud.

Just tell him to buy a kids size one or a no bread sandwich added with a couple of mini yorkshires and ram it together? But if you do come don't drive, trust me....

Ps He's not sharing, he's taking your food the cheeky greedy sod to even think continual food taking is okay beggars belief! Nope, not happening and I'm glad you told him too.
Edited to add, I just saw the weight comment! Nah, sod that he'd be long gone and well shot of.

I know many vegans and some have obvious eating disorders, some are simply incredibly controlling and one or two seem to manage a normal attitude to food along with restrictions. I was a vegetarian for 20 years so I am aware you can restrict a diet in a healthy way, but in my experience, most do not.

He may have had weight loss surgery but he still has issues with food.

The fact that he wants to go to York purely for food and doesn't want to bother going if you don't play along with his food needs speaks volumes.

He, like millions of us with poor relationships with food, needs therapy, not 'sharesies'

I understand that "nothing or full portion" doesn't work for many people. I am a fan of shared food - but we agree it before buying and pay from shared account. Luckily my DP likes tasting and sometimes is ok to have half a portion as a snack.

It obviously doesn't work for you - is it because sharing is uncomfortable for you, or because of the way he talks about it?
If instead of "tiny bit" he asked about "what about half each?" would it be better (at least for some types of food)?

It's because he's a greedy cunt. He asks for a tiny bit, but eats loads. And doesn't pay. Do you realise they've only been seeing each other 12 weeks? He wants to go to York for the weekend to eat a bit of OP's Yorkshire pudding, and that isn't a euphemism.

Speaking as someone who was 30st - you don't get that way by being 'a bit greedy'. It demonstrates a seriously screwed-up relationship with food, usually indicative of other psychological issues. Weight-loss surgery helps with the weight, but not the rest of it. If he hasn't dealt with the root cause of his overeating (and it sounds very much like he hasn't) then he's not in a good place for a healthy relationship with you. I'd end it, the fat might be gone but the issues remain.

Nah, sorry. He's a tight fisted oaf. Nothing to do with not being able to finish anything.

Oh no in the bin with him 😆

Why would you even entertain this OP.
He's a mean bore who eats your food?
Dump.

Why are you still seeing him??!

‘Dave, you seem to have massive food issues as well as issues around expecting me to pay for everything so you don’t have to. I don’t think this relationship is working out’

Sorry. He's just being a tight arse 😩 That would ANNOY the HELL out of me. I'm not sharing my food with ANYONE 😡😲😩