Why Is the Woman Always the Villain? The Strange Logic of Blaming the ‘Other Woman

[ApriloNeil2026]

Reading a group on facebook about are we dating the same guy etc and a few people were blaming the woman for a guy cheating and being a marriage wrecker.

basically what the hell, in my view if the guy is married etc then why or how is it the womans fault in any way ?

Exactly.

If two cheaters stay together and even get married, they each get a liar and a cheat for a spouse. They are also very much aware of what the other party is capable of.
That's not a recipe for a happy union IMO.

You aren't going mad. You have every reason to feel anger towards the woman who slept with your ex.

And I say that as someone who has never been cheated on, so no scorn here.

I completely blame my EX for the affair he had. However, that does not exonerate the OW who was a family friend, knew I was quite ill at the time and we had both had parental bereavements and were struggling to cope the enormity and deal with that. My illness stopped us both supporting each other equally and I even said that in my friendship group.
What I though was a safe group of female friends to chat about stuff when we met was anything but - she used things I said to weave a narrative in my then DHs brain that I was the issue. It was evil calculated and pre meditated.

So yes EX was wesk and pathetic at fault and wrecked the marriage but how anyone can say the OW was not to blame is beyond me. Her actions afterwards to me and my DCs mean there should be a special place in hell reserved the scheming cow.
EX goes to his own place in hell but we do now get on as children do need to be looked after and it is very hard to parent amicably if you are screaming at each other.

I can walk away from her but can not walk away ever from him -you have to find a common ground to exist for the sake of your children.

Holy trinity

I have twice found myself "seeing" (not sex!) with married men. Because they both told me they were separated when they weren't ☹️

I think about it almost every day despite it being 6 and 12 years ago. I absolutely hate myself for it.

Never again though. 😭 I have such firm boundaries I probably come across quite cold when meeting male colleagues and male friends of friends. I'd rather be alone!

Lying gits

When my dad had an affair it was my step mum who got most of the blame! They're now in their late 70s.

I blame the man but I would take a dim view of a woman choosing to go around with a married man unless the dynamic between them was very predatory and groomy (eg a 40yo married man messing around with an 18yo girl)

I assume every male that tries to hit on me is already married or with someone until proven otherwise. I don’t trust any of them. More women should be like this. I am ashamed at how fucking stupid so many women are when it comes to men and relationships. It is embarrassing. Women should be embarrassed at how pathetic they get over a penis that is usually attached to something so monumentally shit.

I'm not trying to justify myself. I'm perfectly happy with my actions.

It's other women here on MN who think I should justify myself, not me.

Well that’s where people differ. I believe I DO owe basic common decency, to all other people.
I’m not remotely religious but I think the “do unto others” line is a good one to live by.
I wouldn’t deliberately or knowingly do anything to cause anyone massive harm. And no amount of shiny shite bullshit peddled by some cock addled married man would make me deviate from that.

So, you have no moral compass.
Gross.

If that's what you want to think, go for it.

I voted YABU because I think they're both to blame (in cases where the other woman knows he's in a relationship and is cheating). The OW is a villain, imo, just as the man is. Both are wrong. The OW hasn't broken any vows, but she's still scummy for participating in the deceit (and often hoping to eventually lure the POS man away from his wife/partner).

No not all if the person they’re cheating with knows.
i can’t imagine being with a man while his wife and children are at home waiting for him. Just fucking grim on both parts imo

Anyone know one of these luring women? I could use one to help me out of my marriage..because it’s actually not that simple, is it?

Since when is evolution a bullshit theory? Do you know why primates, including humans, shag around? Because you get more, and fitter, babies that way, which is great for the propagation of the species. If it turned out this wasn’t the case for humans, this trait would have been selected against long ago.

Give it a rest.

yea, but no

No, when decent people know someone is married or in a relationship they don't sleep with that person. It's pretty simple really. I feel sorry for the people who think they're in a relationship and then discover they are just the side piece.

Primates also beat each other to death, mate with siblings and throw shit when they are angry, but we frown upon those things in civilised human society.

😁😁

Now that's funny !

😆😆

Wrong thread.

thats for the crabs thread