Why Is the Woman Always the Villain? The Strange Logic of Blaming the ‘Other Woman

[ApriloNeil2026]

Reading a group on facebook about are we dating the same guy etc and a few people were blaming the woman for a guy cheating and being a marriage wrecker.

basically what the hell, in my view if the guy is married etc then why or how is it the womans fault in any way ?

I don't think anyone's questioning that. The issue is whether the woman can be seen as acting poorly if she DOES respond, assuming she knows he's married.

Women are blamed for most things tbh. Whenever theres a problem, someone will find the woman involved and say 'youre not being treated differently because youre not a man' - whilst treating her more harshly 🙄🙄

This is an age old habit. The short cheap answer is: misogyny. The longer more complicated answer is men's infidelity is normalised to the point any responsibility is taken off of him entirely and projected onto women. We often see women cast as temptresses. Than wifey dearest has to 'save her man' from that 'homewrecking harlot' even if she doesn't want to because otherwise she obviously was neglecting him so of course he'll step out. You hear a lot of this stupid shit from the hyper religious. Add to that the instinct of 'winning'. Humans in general are territorial and like to defend what we see as ours.

It's dumb really dumb. It also keeps us women divided which makes us easier to control whilst simultaniously feeding men's egos.

I find it illogical too op. It is entirely down to the one who made vows and commitments. The morality or motives of the ow is irrelevant. He is the cheating party. Not her.

very true words unfortunately

excatly, its like the guy agreed to the marriage and the vows etc

I have the unique perspective of having had my husband cheat on me and then 10 years later I was the other woman.

I had a very black and white idea of affairs when it happened to me. The pain was excruciating. The anger. The rage. I never, never thought I would do something like that to another woman.

Clearly, something changed along the way and I realised it isn’t as black and white as I thought.

I never set out to “get” a married man. I’m sure those women do exist but I don’t think the majority of other women do that. I can only speak for myself.

I am sorry for the pain I caused her. I would like her to know that, but I wouldn’t reach out to her without her making the first move.

5 years down the line we are still together and very much in love. Do I worry about him doing it to me? I think every man and woman is capable.

No I hate this gaslighting of women. Told they are wrong for feeling angry at both parties, rather than just the guy, even where the OW knew fine well what she was getting into. Sanctimonious bullshit. You feel how you feel and it’s not ok for anyone to tell you that those feelings are wrong.

Well that group is wild so i take everything on there with a large pinch of salt.

however, I also don’t really subscribe to the whole “she has no loyalty to me, it’s him I’m married to, it’s all his fault”

Undoubtedly yes, the husband is to blame.

However, it’s a shitty thing to do and I place some of that blame with the women who choose to do that.

my husband cheated. She was well aware of me. I blame them both, she’s a horrible trampy excuse for a woman.

In my opinion it’s on him completely. She may or may not know he’s married it’s irrelevant in my mind.

but if the guy will cheat anyway then why is it upto the other woman to control him ?

I actually agree. Whether it is part of the mythical social contract or not, people enter into actual contracts when they marry.

We dont owe others anything and cheating rarely happens in a vacuum. But people insist that a woman has ‘turned their husband’s head’ , implying that he’s either untrustworthy or incapable of keeping his cock in his pants when an attractive woman is around.

Neither situation is a good look for someone who is married

When a man cheats people question how the OW could possibly have done that to his wife.
When a woman cheats people question how she could possibly do that to her husband. Other man barely warrants a mention.
From cheating to disappointing grandparents, where its all about grandma's failings with grandad invisible, women are held to higher standards than men. I suppose its the inevitable result of being the least dangerous and harmful of the sexes. We set a higher bar.

OP you havent answered my question...do you think that in general we owe it to other people not to act in a way that harms them? The idea that a cheater will just find anyone i actually don't think is relevant. We can only be responsible for own behaviour. The man is to blame for his betrayal. The ow is to blame for participating in a deeply harmful act.

It’s the same way daughter in laws are always blamed for sons that don’t keep in contact lie she stole him away.

You forgive or overlook the issues the person you love gives and blame the outsider.

Morally Ow or Om who know the person is in a relationship is a complete twat wanker arsehole who deserves a life of hell, and may their karma get them back ten fold.

The cheating partner is still the one who broke their promises or vows.

But again back to the family analogy if your wanting to keep your family / partner agin you have to over look their wrong doing and blame the outsider.

Well of course it's the man's fault but if the OW is someone you know and is standing chatting and laughing with you in the pub whilst shagging your husband behind your back then I think you'd have to be some sort of saint not to have negative feelings about her.

Yes it’s always the women’s fault. 🙄

Why are women held to a higher standard?

I completely disagree. I don't want to live in a world where you can be a total dick so long as you don't know someone personally.

If a man’s fidelity is dependent on half the population not tempting him, rather than his own integrity, then his fidelity is worth fuck all and his marriage is a sham.

Depends on the situation. What about someone who you have a laugh with at the pub but that stabs you in the back in another way? You owe that person nothing

I do think anyone who’s knowingly willing to be the side chick or side dick is morally corrupt.

I wouldn’t want that person as a friend or as a family member I was close to.

Because where is the line in what they see as right and wrong.

excatly

Okay well that’s your prerogative. By that logic, someone faithful is automatically full of integrity in every area of life.

If you knowingly get involved with a married man you are a moraless cow and deserve any contempt you get. That does not mean he gets off blame free, both of you are arseholes.

If you know the man's partner, and worse are her friend - you are a truly nasty excuse for a woman and are not worthy of any sympathy.

And no, the 'heart wants what the heart wants' does not excuse the devestation you BOTH cause.

Ask me how I know 😪

i would say the line is that the guy is ment to be married and he cheats