Why Is the Woman Always the Villain? The Strange Logic of Blaming the ‘Other Woman

[ApriloNeil2026]

Reading a group on facebook about are we dating the same guy etc and a few people were blaming the woman for a guy cheating and being a marriage wrecker.

basically what the hell, in my view if the guy is married etc then why or how is it the womans fault in any way ?

It’s easier to blame the person you don’t love, rather than the one you do.

So it seemed from some of the responses, its still baffling

Assuming she knows he's married, or worse, a dad, it makes her complicit in harming other people. When did that become ok? Its part of the social contract of what boils down to 'don't be a dick' . These threads always seem to assume that any blame placed on the ow somehow lessens that directed at the man. It doesn't. There isn't a finite amount. I think its perfectly ok to think badly of someone who deliberateky involves themselves in behaviour that harms others.

see i sorta get that but then ive always presumed its the cheater that charts the affair so all blame should be on them ?

Scorned women rationalise a cheating partner as being “led astray” by the OW.

Women cannot face the fact that sometimes their partner cheats with a more attractive OW. The OW becomes the villian to cope with the feelings of jealousy.

I'm with you. All that "his head was turned" stuff - No, he Turned His Head.

Just as much if she is the married one. No is a complete sentence, as we say on here so often.

excatly, he chooses to choose to do the dance and chase etc

so much for sisterhood

Probably because crossing a line with someone else’s partner isn’t a very nice thing to do. They know it would hurt the partner. BUT the fault should lay with the person who cheated on their spouse. But going deeper than that, there are usually reasons for affairs. It is often because the relationship is in a bad place to begin with.
So people blame the OW because it’s easier than identifying the other, deeper issues.

Well hang on...wheres the sisterhood when the ow is sleeping with a married man then? It either exists or it doesn't. If she doesn't have to care about the married sister, why shouldn't she blame the ow? Again, blaming her does not in anyway excuse or lesser the blame in the man.

They're both to blame (assuming the OW knows the man is married). I would no more have an affair with a married man than stick hot needles in my eyes. But, I get your point. It's usually entirely the woman's "fault" but I guess it's a form of modern witch trials.

Because its easier to tell yourself that the total stranger is all at fault rather than your loving husband of x years and you missed the signs etc etc

that one ill admit you sorta got me on the one hand i sorta agree but on the other hand the other woman is the free agent in this and its the man doing the cheating. ?

Did you mean starts the affair? Plenty of women get their kicks by targeting men already in relationships.

I didn't even have an affair but I got the blame for someone's husband trying it on with me. Apparently I made him like me.
Listen love, if I could make someone like me it wouldn't be your alcoholic bloke who you told me had ED.
I lost a lot of friends because they sided with her.

I always think about that case where the daughters of the cheating man tried to ruin the OW years after the affair had ended by advertising a fake escort business with the OW's phone number. It was in the news again recently because the daughter that jailed had shown no remorse. And what did they to they father? Absolutely nothing. Poor helpless man who couldn't possibly keep it zipped.

the psychology of that aspect of affairs is always intriguing as in what drives them why do they do it etc ?

i heard about that omg, excatly was their dads fault for cheating not the ow

omg, it is a puzzlement with some people

The thing is, on MN, if you so much as briefly block a supermarket aisle you are the devil incarnate, but knowingly participate in a fraud that can result in blowing apart a family and that's apparently ok? That you don't owe that women or children anything just by dint of being a fellow human being? I haven't made promises of consideration and courtesy to everyone in the world so can I queue jump, middle lane hog and generally be a dick because I don't owe them anything?

i would say in all honesty if the womans single, and the guy cheats then if the guy was gonna cheat he would anyway so again i blame the guy

If the man is married he should have sufficient willpower to keep it in his pants and refuse the advances of another. This is regardless of whether the woman throws herself at him or not.
Three times I have been propositioned by male colleagues in the 30 years I’ve been married and three times I’ve made it clear that I wasn’t interested.

So sounding think we owe it to anyone to behave with consideration and respect if we don't personally know them? What else do you think is ok then, in my list of examples?

exactly,

im sticking to my op, as thats the point of the thread, and wheres the consideration of the cheater to begin with ?