Why Is the Woman Always the Villain? The Strange Logic of Blaming the ‘Other Woman

[ApriloNeil2026]

Reading a group on facebook about are we dating the same guy etc and a few people were blaming the woman for a guy cheating and being a marriage wrecker.

basically what the hell, in my view if the guy is married etc then why or how is it the womans fault in any way ?

We’re human. Humans make mistakes, and give into temptations they shouldn’t. Men, like all primates, have evolved to mate with multiple females. Men can moderate and override this instinct, but they can’t remove it. It’s not fair that women should entice them to cheat in the first place, and these women must bear some responsibility.

Yes, and he would be a disgusting piece of shit. Absolutely.

So would the OW if she knew he was married.

It’s shitty to knowingly have an affair with someone who is married/in a relationship. Human beings should behave with empathy and kindness and not do things that would cause someone else, even a stranger, pain if it can be avoided. (And an affair can be avoided). BUT it is much, much, much shittier to cheat on your spouse/partner. It’s shittier to hurt someone you know and care about - or once cared about - and break trust and promises of fidelity (wedding vows or not) you’ve made than it is to be complicit one. But it’s also easier for many to blame the ‘other’ - and not just when it comes to affairs. That’s reflective of how many people think and behave generally. (See how easily divide and rule style politics works, for eg.). And, in my views, it’s wrong. Two people can be to blame/ in the wrong but the person directly breaking trust is way more in the wrong.

Well if you base your knowledge off of the opinions of other users on MN, you're not going to have a very holistic view of the world. People in the real world already know that isn't the case, yourself included.

I mean I think youre just clutching at straws here with what you're saying tbh as it has strayed pretty far from the original point. You're now somehow saying if people on a MN forum think youre cheating, then you might as well do it. My alternative would be to leave a relationship where I'm constantly being accused of things that im not doing, and cut out anyone who supported that. Its not that hard.

Stop!!! 🤣🤣🤣

I did need the laugh though, so thank you

Its may be a tall order to expect a woman who's months into a relationship and in love to put a woman she's never met who she's probably been told is the devil incarnate over the person she loves.
By the time the married man discloses his wife, he will have built a relationship of trust with the OW. He will have his stories ready about his wife's abuse of him, her own cheating on him, how she controls him and has made him scared to leave because she'll take his children, and so forth. And because he has treated her well so far, the OW will often believe him.
After all, there's plenty of women very open to believing other women are the villains of the piece, so why should the OW believe the wife is innocent and its all the man's fault?

I think that’s often true when women cheat. I don’t think it necessarily is when men cheat. I unfortunately know several male friends who cheated on wives or girlfriends they very much loved and had no intention of leaving (for some reason they felt comfortable enough in our friendship to share all this with me- close friendships at the time but obviously thought less of them after!) a they did it for the novelty/thrill of sleeping with someone who wasn’t their familiar wife, and because they thought they could get away with it ‘no harm done.’

Of course, several of them tried to rationalise it after it was discovered by saying they were unhappy to make it more palatable/shift some blame onto their wives. But I don’t think they were really, unless ‘got a bit bored of sex with the same person and thought my wife probably wouldn’t find out I shagged a woman from the gym’ counts as unhappy.

By contrast, all the women I know who have cheated on a partner at any stage (I include myself in this as cheated on my university boyfriend, something I am not at all proud of) did it against a backdrop of serious issues/abuse in the relationship.

But regarding the OP, the person who cheats is obviously much worse. But if the OW is aware the man is married/in an exclusive relationship, I personally don’t think that says anything good about their character!

And this is just ridiculous though. Oh the wickle menz can’t keep their dicks in their panties because the wimmenz wear short skirtz.

Totally agree.
I was wondering if op was sleeping with a married man by the way she was defending ow.
op certainly doesn’t seem to have been in the cheated wife’s position, as op seems blatantly unaware, how it even slightly possible, for the cheated wife to hate the ow’s guts, because ow is beyond reproach

Then she would be fucking stupid.

Why are so many women so stupid when it comes to men? Wake the fuck up. Seriously!

If you are tempted to cheat on your partner, your current relationship is shit. So just end it.

it’s not difficult.

I’m surprised you find basic biology so hilarious, but whatever.

THIS

This is biology. You think I’m making it up?

Its not down to people saying no, I just made that point because it applies.

Obviously if people in relationships didn't pursue other romantic partners, it wouldnt happen. Obviously if everyone who knew they were not single, said no, it wouldnt happen.

Obviously the responsibility not to break the loyalty and faithfulness to a person, lies with the person who is in a relationship with them. Obviously if you agree to start a relationship with someone, who you know is not single, you are just as much responsible for destroying that relationship as they are.

I have never knowingly slept with a married man (other than one who’s married to me). I can confidently say I never knowingly will.

I have some basic standards for my own behaviour, and that’s a red line for me. I really haven’t found it at all difficult.

@CocoJone
Sometimes it’s very hard.
People with children they can’t easily walk away from for sometimes very serious reasons.
I’m not condoning and never will condone someone choosing to embark on an affair but it’s not as simple as. I’m a bit bored so I’ll just shag married Bill from work. There are often multiple factors at work and, leaving aside the scenarios of people just seeing if they can bag a married person/need an ego boost (how shallow are they? And wouldn’t their partners see this about them?) sometimes, I expect but can’t say I’ve experienced this, someone meets a person other than their partner that suits them better.. they don’t want to think about the impact of acting on that experience so they just.. don’t think about it.
They’ll live and learn undoubtedly

I don't know. But believing a married man is desperate to leave his abusive cheating wife, but too scared to, isn't a million miles from the sort of thinking that concludes he would have been faithful until death if it wasn't for a predatory temptress. Both involve a desire to spread the blame so the man doesn't appear quite so culpable. Both would say the affair wouldn't have happened if she hadn't been a wrong un.

holy trinity its purely down to the male not to cheat,

so in your view its the discovery channel song ?

Why bring religion into this?

im using it as a figure of speech to express my omg

I blame the both of them.
However i cant judge, i have slept with married men and didnt know they was married, never mind ONS have there down sides.

In an ideal world people wouldn’t have affairs, but people and emotions can be complicated. In apportioning blame is it 100% the married person? I tend to think it is but that’s because only the married person is having an affair. I don’t think I’d have much respect for the unmarried person either.

There isn't a finite amping of blame. Maybe blame is the wrong word....but i certai ly don't think the ow or om is a morally upstanding person.