Why Is the Woman Always the Villain? The Strange Logic of Blaming the ‘Other Woman

[ApriloNeil2026]

Reading a group on facebook about are we dating the same guy etc and a few people were blaming the woman for a guy cheating and being a marriage wrecker.

basically what the hell, in my view if the guy is married etc then why or how is it the womans fault in any way ?

And according to the relationship board, every time a man leaves it must be because of another woman. It’s not always the case.

If people are going to assume you are doing the dirty though, you may as well prove them right!

in the context of affairs and affairs only.

the man makes the vow with the lady he marries, the the other woman does not make the vow, if the husband breaks his oath then thats on him and not the other woman

The other woman should be a decent human being and only go after people who are single.

If the third person is aware the person they’re seeing is in a relationship, they’re both trash.

Yes, the person in a committed relationship is the trashiest, but why are you aiding and associating with that behaviour? Disgusting all around.

God thank you for writing this so clearly. I think a lot of the women here either hold guilt in this regard, or have some kind of superiority complex where they feel above everyone else for not feeling normal human emotion.

It is so much more deeper than a lot of people care to admit. Some of these women love the feeling of power. They want to mother the children, just to push the innocent party out. Its calculating and repulsive and I cannot believe there are people defending them.

My dad had an affair with a woman, who he is still with now, and when we were forced to spend time with him as kids she was always there. Once told me and my sister we can start calling her "mum" now. I wanted to be sick.

The impact all of this has on the innocent woman and the children (if there are any) are fucking harrowing. People dismissing that so they can bang on about how "its men that made the vows" just show a sheer lack of intelligence and perspective imo.

They are, but if the other party says yes they become complicit.

It’s like anything where you’re a third party.

Someone decides to rob a bank, and asks their mate to stand outside and just make sure the coast is clear. Is that person innocent because they weren’t the one robbing the bank?

If you knowingly sleep with a married person you are equally complicit when the relationship breaks down.

The argument that “they’ll do it with someone else” is a cop out to justify so many behaviours.

People are allowing their children to sleep together under age because “if they don’t do it at home they’ll find a way.”

They let them drink themselves into oblivion because “they’ll do it anyway.”

Where does this abdication of responsibility end?

If a person knowingly gets involved with someone already married or partnered they are scum. They are enabling someone to cheat. It is beyond selfish, scummy and makes them a horrible person.

It is in the context of this thread though, which is specifically about cheating men and other women.

true, but what if the other woman was lied to ?

Some MNers are so blinded by this “men are evil and woman are gentle innocent flowers who can do no wrong” rhetoric that they are actually daft enough to excuse an OW from their part in an affair.

Suspect most of these women have never been on the business end of this kind of crap (or they are OWs themselves…)

I have direct experience of the second one. I also completely agree with the previous poster who stated that just because you also blame the other woman, that is not absolving your husband. In my case, the also married affair partner genuinely did begin a campaign of seduction, despite my husband having told her at the beginning that he was happily married and didn’t want anything to jeopardise that. She just carried on regardless. I hate them both equally for the destruction of 2 families and 3 children’s lives.

That is different, and everyone on this thread has said as much.
Lying about being single, the OW is blameless... and in some cases would be heartbroken herself. Not all OW are ok with breaking up a family.

The responsibility starts and ends with the person cheating on their DP.

Obviously if the ow doesn't know thats totally different.

As soon as she finds out she should be ending it. If she doesn’t, not only is she scum…she’s also fucking stupid.

I have sympathy for anyone who is genuinely duped, but if/when they find out and continue fucking a cheating prick that sympathy disappears. If they keep it going…well, then they’re just scum and fucking stupid.

You’re being deliberately obtuse OP.

It’s simple.

If a woman knowingly sleeps with a married man she is complicit.

If she doesn’t know, then she is innocent until she finds out. And then only if she ends the relationship immediately is she innocent.

I’ve read posts from people who say that they found out x months in and by then it was too late because they were in love yada yada. Tough shit.

You find out he’s married, you end it. now.. If you don’t, you become just like the OW who is knowingly sleeping with a married man. Because if you carry on that’s exactly what you’re doing.

true

true but then the ow didnt make the vow to be faithful ?

No, it doesn’t. A woman, or man, has absolutely no business pursuing and having sex with someone they know to be married.they could have chosen someone who was available, but they didn’t.

But still the responsibility to not cheat and break up their relationship is down to the person in that relationship.

@ZoeCM
Some men are predators though! Admittedly not most who have affairs or there’d be an awful lot out there ..and I hope there isn’t.
I probably shouldn’t say this - I’m married and a lot older than one particular married man (whose poor wife has literally just had a baby),who very recently has been more than trying it on with me. I gave absolutely no indication of interest and stopped (I hope) any further assault on me on its tracks.
If you don’t want to be the victim of predatory men there’s probably a lot you can’t do to stop them. And very little you can do. And they are persuasive.
The trope that all OWs are voluntarily gagging for the irresistible married man is one I feel a bit sickened by. But that’s coloured by personal experience.
Anyone just up for it, when in a purportedly committed relationship, of either sex, sickens me a bit.
and I add I’m very unhappily married.
And with a husband who’s tried to leave me for another woman but backed out because he didn’t want the negative fallout (and now fervently wish he had - and no I wouldn’t have blamed her. I’d have congratulated her).

It’s not just about vows. It’s about being a decent human being……a decent person would not get themselves involved with trying to destroy a complete stranger/family/relationship/children. How ANYONE can try and defend this is beyond me. There is literally NO defence for this.

What about long term partners who haven’t made such vows. Is that ok too?

Of course it’s not. It’s nothing to do with “vows”. It’s just basic human decency.

There are over 4 billion women in the world and I don't rely on a single one of them to not break up my marriage.

I rely on two people - me and my husband, since it's our marriage 🤷‍♂️

If he let me down and shagged one of the 4 billion women, it's still him letting me down and breaking up our marriage.

They've probably still promised not to cheat, otherwise they'd have an open relationship.