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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

3 year old highly sensitive traits

124 replies

OneOliveKoala · 30/03/2026 09:34

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some balanced opinions on my 3-year-old daughter’s development. I’m not looking for a diagnosis, just trying to understand whether what I’m seeing is within typical range or something that might need further assessment.

She speaks in full sentences and can have back-and-forth conversations with people She talks to strangers appropriately and engages socially, and she can share toys when prompted , always with wits her turn to the point of letting all the kids go first on the slide because they are quicker than her and she get frustrated as a consequence.

In play, she is very imaginative. She plays with animal figurines and creates little storylines and questions around them. She can play independently for quite long periods at home.

Behaviour-wise, she always listens to instructions ( always follow through non stimulating tasks etc ) and always says sorry and please and thank you unprompted. she sometimes gets up during meals and may say “no” quite strongly when she does not want to do something but that can be normal . She can become very silly or excited, especially when there are visitors or new people in the house, but she is generally calmer and more settled when it is just me and her at home. In more stimulating environments, she can appear not to listen as well, although she does not tend to have meltdowns or tantrums at home. Outside she does cooperate and if she cries it js out of fear or panic

She also has some sensory preferences. She dislikes loud noises and can get overwhelmed by them. She sometimes does not like wearing shoes because she is scared they might flash . and she does not like wet food or dirty hands. ( she eats everything food wise ).

In group settings, she struggles more in nursery and does not always listen there, although she does fine in playgroups and can engage socially once settled . Her behaviour seems to vary quite a lot depending on the environment.

She adapts well when plans change, for example she is not usually upset if something we planned like a playgroup does not happen. She understands rules at home and can show empathy, for example noticing if someone is sad.

Overall I’m just trying to understand whether this kind of profile is still within the normal range for a 3-year- She sometimes does not like wearing shoes, and she does not like wet food or dirty hands. When she is excited, she sometimes makes repetitive movements with her wrists or ankles.
In group settings, she struggles more in nursery and does not always listen there, although she does fine in playgroups and can engage socially with her peers Her behaviour seems to vary quite a lot depending on the environment.

She adapts well when plans change, for example she is not usually upset if something we planned like a playgroup does not happen. She understands rules at home and she behaves perfectly ( she sleeps well and never leaves her bed if she wakes up early ) . For example she was home with just me for a week and not even once she complained when we had to do things . Her dad came home an all hell broke loose . She shouts and doesn’t want to go out with him and this behaviour was happening prior to him leaving .

Overall I’m just trying to understand whether this kind of profile is still within the normal range for a 3-year-old . I can tell there is something at play here She is not at all like her peers but it could be temperament related . I have tried all the medical routes and gone privately as well with a developmental paediatrician in London and nothing came of it .

my husband is getting very disheartened about the whole situation and I don’t know what to do to change things

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 30/03/2026 09:37

Totally normal based on my 4 and 2 yo who I'd describe as bright and well adjusted.

My 4 yo hates the tube noise..children generally dont like loud noises.

The hands and food thing..totally normal

This is dont understand
She sometimes does not like wearing shoes because she is scared they might flash .
Did you buy her flashing trainers?

Tigerbalmshark · 30/03/2026 09:38

Sounds completely normal honestly! And if a paediatrician has also assessed her and not found anything, that would also reassure me.

PrawnAgain · 30/03/2026 09:39

What specific traits are you concerned about?

I can't see anything there that is out of the ordinary.

PrawnAgain · 30/03/2026 09:40

My 4 yo hates the tube noise..children generally dont like loud noise
I'm in my 40s and hate the tube noise 😂

Bells3032 · 30/03/2026 09:41

Other than the shoe thing and not like nursery this could be my daughter. she's happy in nursery but has been in the same place since she was 2 and a lot of the kids there also went to the childminder she started at 14 months.

But she does struggle at parties etc and doesn't want to play with the other kids as much (she does sometimes but think she gets a bit of mummitis and just wants me with her).

Other than that very normal. in fact I am always told by her teachers and strangers that she is so lovely, polite and kind

takealettermsjones · 30/03/2026 09:44

Stop posting threads about your poor daughter and get some help, for you. Reported.

EmmaOvary · 30/03/2026 09:44

This sounds like your husband needs an assessment, tbh. Why is he becoming disheartened? What in her behaviour is disheartening, exactly? She doesn’t like wet hands or flashing trainers or loud noises.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 30/03/2026 09:46

To be clear children arent robots

I have tried all the medical routes and gone privately as well with a developmental paediatrician in London and nothing came of it .

my husband is getting very disheartened about the whole situation and I don’t know what to do to change things

Nothing came of it because there is nothing wrong with her.
What is wrong is the expectations you and your dh have of a 3 yr old.

If your husband and/or you are sad you're unable to full control another living being maybe try taking yourselves to some specialists instead.

Hiemal · 30/03/2026 09:47

@OneOliveKoala, you are the one who needs urgent psychiatric help. Not your child.

Hiemal · 30/03/2026 09:49

EmmaOvary · 30/03/2026 09:44

This sounds like your husband needs an assessment, tbh. Why is he becoming disheartened? What in her behaviour is disheartening, exactly? She doesn’t like wet hands or flashing trainers or loud noises.

It’s possible it’s the OP he’s disheartened with. She appears to be obsessed with having her perfectly normal daughter diagnosed with some condition.

Nimblethimble · 30/03/2026 09:50

Look at books on highly sensitive children, it might give your husband ways to help him understand her better.

Coconutsss · 30/03/2026 09:52

I’ve seen this before … the replies always seem to go the same way. Nothing seems out of the ordinary. I’d say 90% of everything seems very well developed for a 3 year old. Perhaps 10% might be something to keep an eye on but in the context of the other completely normal behaviour I’d say is just individual differences.

I was in a toilet yesterday with 3 loud hand dryers all going at once. I wanted to cover my ears but am neurotypical.

If you look closely enough you can find ‘different’ behaviours in everyone.

The fact that no professional sees an issue means I think this is more your issue than your daughter’s. Enjoy your child. If there is anything it will become obvious as she gets older. Parent her sensitively and kindly and try forget about finding neurodiversity.

TheFairyCaravan · 30/03/2026 09:53

I feel so sorry for your child.

You post so frequently about her determined to find something wrong with her, you’ve wasted money dragging her to private paediatricians too. It’s just so sad. She will be picking up on this. Leave her alone to be 3. She’s perfectly fine.

Get some help for your issues because your child doesn’t have any.

Endofyear · 30/03/2026 09:53

OP you've posted about this multiple times and been told multiple times that your daughter sounds like a perfectly normal 3 year old. I think you need to get some help, you seem fixated on this.

OhNoDont · 30/03/2026 09:53

A good friend of mine ended up leaving home as a teenager and developing a heroin addiction that lasted twenty years because his mum became obsessed with ‘diagnosing’ him when he was a normal toddler. I can’t tell from this if you or your husband is the issue but it’s not the child. Get support.

HMW19061 · 30/03/2026 10:00

Sounds like a normal 3 year old. Stop trying to give her a label.

Hiemal · 30/03/2026 10:00

Nimblethimble · 30/03/2026 09:50

Look at books on highly sensitive children, it might give your husband ways to help him understand her better.

The DH isn’t the problem!

icantbelievet23432 · 30/03/2026 10:05

Normal kid! Have you been around kids before?

Just try to be with her as much as poss. You don't need to actively do anything, just be there.

You have a whole human with you now. Please don't treat her like a robot or some kind of soft toy. You need to be her guide, her mentor.

MovingBird123 · 30/03/2026 10:07

So your daughter has preferences and a personality? Is there anything wrong with her preferences? Do you have preferences?

This is wild.

TheHouse · 30/03/2026 10:10

Was waiting for the section where the behaviour was going to turn abnormal.

Jesus OP, she’s 3. My daughter couldn’t even walk on sand at that age etc as she was quite sensory. Stop looking for problems.

Jackiebrambles · 30/03/2026 10:10

I don’t understand what is concerning you - she sounds absolutely fine!

EmmaOvary · 30/03/2026 10:20

Predicting OP won’t be back but will start a new thread on this in a week or two.

Elsvieta · 30/03/2026 10:34

Is there a paragraph missing from this? What "situation"? What is your husband concerned about? (Or is he just "disheartened" by your determination to find a problem where there isn't one?). What did you say to the paediatrician? And what did they say?

DD sounds fine - bright and normal. Do you remember being three? (I know some people don't; I do). It's confusing. You don't understand a lot of things that adults do and sometimes you get a bit unnerved by perfectly normal things. Sometimes you get tired and cranky. Sometimes adults, especially strangers, say things you don't understand and you don't know how to respond and you get upset. Sometimes situations that aren't quite what you're used to seem a bit scary. This is all normal.

BengalBangle · 30/03/2026 10:42

🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Pricelessadvice · 30/03/2026 10:45

There’s nothing wrong with your child, she sounds completely normal.
Shes still so young, of course she’s going to have issues with some things. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with her.
NT people can also have sensory issues as well you know?