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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

3 year old highly sensitive traits

124 replies

OneOliveKoala · 30/03/2026 09:34

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some balanced opinions on my 3-year-old daughter’s development. I’m not looking for a diagnosis, just trying to understand whether what I’m seeing is within typical range or something that might need further assessment.

She speaks in full sentences and can have back-and-forth conversations with people She talks to strangers appropriately and engages socially, and she can share toys when prompted , always with wits her turn to the point of letting all the kids go first on the slide because they are quicker than her and she get frustrated as a consequence.

In play, she is very imaginative. She plays with animal figurines and creates little storylines and questions around them. She can play independently for quite long periods at home.

Behaviour-wise, she always listens to instructions ( always follow through non stimulating tasks etc ) and always says sorry and please and thank you unprompted. she sometimes gets up during meals and may say “no” quite strongly when she does not want to do something but that can be normal . She can become very silly or excited, especially when there are visitors or new people in the house, but she is generally calmer and more settled when it is just me and her at home. In more stimulating environments, she can appear not to listen as well, although she does not tend to have meltdowns or tantrums at home. Outside she does cooperate and if she cries it js out of fear or panic

She also has some sensory preferences. She dislikes loud noises and can get overwhelmed by them. She sometimes does not like wearing shoes because she is scared they might flash . and she does not like wet food or dirty hands. ( she eats everything food wise ).

In group settings, she struggles more in nursery and does not always listen there, although she does fine in playgroups and can engage socially once settled . Her behaviour seems to vary quite a lot depending on the environment.

She adapts well when plans change, for example she is not usually upset if something we planned like a playgroup does not happen. She understands rules at home and can show empathy, for example noticing if someone is sad.

Overall I’m just trying to understand whether this kind of profile is still within the normal range for a 3-year- She sometimes does not like wearing shoes, and she does not like wet food or dirty hands. When she is excited, she sometimes makes repetitive movements with her wrists or ankles.
In group settings, she struggles more in nursery and does not always listen there, although she does fine in playgroups and can engage socially with her peers Her behaviour seems to vary quite a lot depending on the environment.

She adapts well when plans change, for example she is not usually upset if something we planned like a playgroup does not happen. She understands rules at home and she behaves perfectly ( she sleeps well and never leaves her bed if she wakes up early ) . For example she was home with just me for a week and not even once she complained when we had to do things . Her dad came home an all hell broke loose . She shouts and doesn’t want to go out with him and this behaviour was happening prior to him leaving .

Overall I’m just trying to understand whether this kind of profile is still within the normal range for a 3-year-old . I can tell there is something at play here She is not at all like her peers but it could be temperament related . I have tried all the medical routes and gone privately as well with a developmental paediatrician in London and nothing came of it .

my husband is getting very disheartened about the whole situation and I don’t know what to do to change things

OP posts:
Coffeeandbooks88 · 30/03/2026 10:45

Are you the poster who seems to want your daughter to be autistic? Why? As far as I can read she sounds normal to me. My boy only speaks mainly one word words repeating them at four. He is likely autistic. These posts get on my nerves.

Lookayonder · 30/03/2026 10:48

Is the same poster that used to post about their 2 year old having AFRID and autism and then post lengthy lists of all the food she ate and completely normal behaviour?

If so, I feel incredibly sorry for your daughter that this obsessive behaviour on your part is still on-going.

Coffeeandbooks88 · 30/03/2026 10:48

Jackiebrambles · 30/03/2026 10:10

I don’t understand what is concerning you - she sounds absolutely fine!

She wants an autism diagnosis for her girl.

Coffeeandbooks88 · 30/03/2026 10:50

I think your DH should Google Munchausen by proxy and get the child away fast!

OneOliveKoala · 30/03/2026 10:50

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 30/03/2026 09:37

Totally normal based on my 4 and 2 yo who I'd describe as bright and well adjusted.

My 4 yo hates the tube noise..children generally dont like loud noises.

The hands and food thing..totally normal

This is dont understand
She sometimes does not like wearing shoes because she is scared they might flash .
Did you buy her flashing trainers?

Yes Peppa ones and she was scared of them and like now every new pair she is scared of them flashing ☺️

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 30/03/2026 10:52

Is there a chunk missing from your post? You haven't described what the problem is that led you exhausting the NHS and embarking on a private route for a diagnosis... of what exactly?

Have you or your husband ever been, or met a child?

dairydebris · 30/03/2026 10:52

Also reported. I'm so so sad for your girl OP. She sounds delightful- I'm so worried about the effect youre having on her with your obsession with her having some kind of... neurodiversity? Please please seek help.

Hiemal · 30/03/2026 10:54

Coffeeandbooks88 · 30/03/2026 10:48

She wants an autism diagnosis for her girl.

Yes. I mean, who knows why, but she does.

GoldDuster · 30/03/2026 10:55

I'd look at getting some help with your issue which seems to be this:

Munchausen syndrome by proxy (MSbP), now formally known as
Factitious Disorder Imposed on Another (FDIA), is a rare form of child abuse and mental health disorder in which a caregiver (usually a parent) fabricates, exaggerates, or induces physical or mental health problems in someone in their care

I really hope that your daughter has access to other adults and you manage to get a grip of yourself and seek the support you clearly need before this imacts her for the rest of her life. Get help. For you. She'll be fine if you give her the chance to be.

Womblingmerrily · 30/03/2026 10:55

@OneOliveKoala OP, I mean this kindly but this is becoming obsessive and I really think it might be harming your child.

Constantly looking for issues, dragging her to professionals, never accepting that this is normal childhood - your child is going to develop issues around this.

Your job as a parent is to manage your own anxieties and not push them onto your child.

Please get help for your own issues so that you can allow your child to develop safely and happily.

Hiemal · 30/03/2026 10:55

GoldDuster · 30/03/2026 10:52

Is there a chunk missing from your post? You haven't described what the problem is that led you exhausting the NHS and embarking on a private route for a diagnosis... of what exactly?

Have you or your husband ever been, or met a child?

The OP will only respond to posters who are unaware that she’s a poster with a dangerous obsession with her daughter having ADHD or autism, and who has been dragging her around specialists since babyhood.

Lookayonder · 30/03/2026 11:03

I had actually been thinking I hadn't seen anything from this poster in about a year, so I have obviously missed a lot of updates. It's incredibly sad this is all still going on and I absolutely dread to think the impact on this poor wee girl especially now she's getting older.

There's absolutely nothing I can say that hasn't been said on the numerous threads the OP has posted. She clearly hasn't taken any of it on board. I'm not sure what's to be gained by posting.

DreamyScroller · 30/03/2026 11:20

This used to be called Munchausen by proxy. Don't know if they still diagnose it that way.

Hiemal · 30/03/2026 11:22

DreamyScroller · 30/03/2026 11:20

This used to be called Munchausen by proxy. Don't know if they still diagnose it that way.

As a pp said, it's now called Fabricated or Induced Illness.

SoSoLong · 30/03/2026 11:25

Why are you dragging your perfectly normal child to the doctors? Seek help for yourself.

zingally · 30/03/2026 11:31

Sounds very normal.

Lots of kids are funny about having dirty hands, and loads have a fear of loud noises.

I remember being scared of fireworks as a small child because of the noise.

Hallamule · 30/03/2026 11:34

I have to say I'm not clear by your post what you are trying to change.

I will also say, that she sounds in many ways, like my ds2 who was diagnosed with autism at 14. So if your feeling is that "something is not quite right but you can't put your finger on it" - well you may be right but you are going to have to wait and see. There is no way my ds was going to be diagnosed age 3 because the signs were too subtle and could have been down to other things (like being 3).

Equally she may be a totally neurotypical 3 year old - they are very variable.

OneOliveKoala · 01/04/2026 09:10

Hallamule · 30/03/2026 11:34

I have to say I'm not clear by your post what you are trying to change.

I will also say, that she sounds in many ways, like my ds2 who was diagnosed with autism at 14. So if your feeling is that "something is not quite right but you can't put your finger on it" - well you may be right but you are going to have to wait and see. There is no way my ds was going to be diagnosed age 3 because the signs were too subtle and could have been down to other things (like being 3).

Equally she may be a totally neurotypical 3 year old - they are very variable.

What were the signs at 14 that met the diagnostic criteria for autism if you don’t mind me asking

OP posts:
Womblingmerrily · 01/04/2026 12:29

@OneOliveKoala I have reported (again) because I think there is clear signs of harm here - in your last post where you are seeking out specific symptoms to focus on. You are not engaging with the concerns of others.

I am genuinely worried by your posts and if I knew you I would be reporting a concern to social services by your continuous use of different Drs who are telling you your child is fine but you continue to ignore this.

As repeated before please seek help for yourself. You can self refer to talking therapy https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/find-nhs-talking-therapies-for-anxiety-and-depression/

nhs.uk

Find NHS talking therapies for anxiety and depression

If you live in England and are aged 18 or over, you can access NHS talking therapies services for anxiety and depression.

https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/find-nhs-talking-therapies-for-anxiety-and-depression

Hiemal · 01/04/2026 12:49

OneOliveKoala · 01/04/2026 09:10

What were the signs at 14 that met the diagnostic criteria for autism if you don’t mind me asking

I wouldn't answer that, @Hallamule -- I think the OP is profoundly troubled, and you would just be giving her information to fuel her obsession.

icantbelievet23432 · 01/04/2026 14:45

OneOliveKoala · 30/03/2026 10:50

Yes Peppa ones and she was scared of them and like now every new pair she is scared of them flashing ☺️

Normal. My DC doesn't like escalators because of one minor incident!

OneOliveKoala · 02/04/2026 15:33

Lookayonder · 30/03/2026 11:03

I had actually been thinking I hadn't seen anything from this poster in about a year, so I have obviously missed a lot of updates. It's incredibly sad this is all still going on and I absolutely dread to think the impact on this poor wee girl especially now she's getting older.

There's absolutely nothing I can say that hasn't been said on the numerous threads the OP has posted. She clearly hasn't taken any of it on board. I'm not sure what's to be gained by posting.

I don’t think it is within the realm of normal that she can’t tell the difference between a boy and girl still

OP posts:
Tigerbalmshark · 02/04/2026 15:41

OneOliveKoala · 02/04/2026 15:33

I don’t think it is within the realm of normal that she can’t tell the difference between a boy and girl still

Well, it is I’m afraid.

BookArt55 · 02/04/2026 15:48

OneOliveKoala · 02/04/2026 15:33

I don’t think it is within the realm of normal that she can’t tell the difference between a boy and girl still

Completely normal. My daughter has now decided it based on hair length, and can't cope with a girl with short hair for example.

Enjoy your daughter, she sounds lovely. You've been told by professionals that there isn't anything at play, listen to them and realise that kids have likes and dislikes, just like adults. Lods are allowed to have their own quirks and fears... just like adults. Please seek therapy for yourself because this is obsessive now. You've done everything yiu can to get a diagnosis and been told no. So stop and enjoy your time with your child.

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