AIBU to try to help my wife lose weight? Somehow.

[HelpMeHelpMyWife]

I'm male, stepping into the lions den.

My wife (51yo) is obese. There have been a few times over the years when I've suggested that she's destined for a mobility scooter or worse and offered her a few tips of how I managed to get rid of 3 stone and generally vastly improve my health. Needless to say it went down very badly indeed and I don't really dare mention it again. (Although I feel it's my duty to. A duty I am now shirking.) I've talked to her mother a couple of times and her mother said she's talked to her but clearly that has not helped either.

Lately she's had bad hip, knee and back pain, so my fear that she's actually damaging herself now. I know from my own experience that with 3 stone less everything became easier.

She does Weight Watchers meetings but that clearly has zero effect.

So what do I do? Mentioning it to her is out but something's got to change or she's essentially going to be handicapped. (In fact I'd argue she already is, she couldn't climb over a fence, for instance.)

I'm half tempted to say something to our teenage daughter in the hope wife will listen to her but that seems a massive thing to put on her. (Perhaps not as massive as a mother on a mobility scooter, or ill.)

On personal note I find the whole thing intensely frustrating. Shouldn't Weightwatchers be pointing out the health risks of being over weight? Or her doctor? When I started getting knee pain and a few other medical early warning signs it was blatantly obvious that losing weight and getting fit was the obvious first step and ten years on the benefits have been obvious. It's not rocket science. (Sorry about the last paragraph, I needed to get that out.)

WTF do I do? Or do I just accept it and try to forget about it?

YABU - "Mind your own business and let her make her own mistakes."

YANBU - "Do something to help which I've suggested in a reply."

I hear that they are remaking the noughties TV show Fat Families, perhaps if you are both a bit rotund, you should apply to go on the show? Maybe Steve would be able to help her, some of the terminology such as "jelly bellied Jumbos" might make her reconsider her current predicament as a larger lady.

Urgh.
What a pompous thing to write.

Anyway. Offer to pay for Mounjaro for her.
The end.

You say she goes to WeightWatchers - have you talked to her about that, just ask her if she thinks it's any good. It doesn't sound like it's working for her, this could open up a discussion about other options. She has to find something she can stick to in the long term.

I don't know how much they are but I'm sure we could. How I'd suggest that is the trickier question.

Also would she just revert once she stopped? Seems to me the long term win is getting out of the habit of buying the calories in the first place.

If she wanted to try that, I'd be well up for it.

Everyone's solution to bring overweight is WLI.

Have they all forgotten that WLI only work on a calorie controlled diet? @ACynicalDad @Sogrownup3 @Gurrul @worcesterpear and whoever else thinks that a woman going to WW won't know about WLI.

I’m in same position. What my husband could do to help is to take over a load of the kids activity stuff that I’m constantly keeping track of and playing chauffeur for so I have a bit more time/energy. A lot of my overeating stems from stress and exhaustion (menopause not helping!)

You kind of have to be a bit self centred on a successful diet (not in a bad way but I just mean you can’t constantly be considering what everyone else wants & need to just focus on you) & I’m finding it incredibly hard to be that at this life stage as everyone including my husband has almost constant demands on my time and energy. I realise it’s my responsibility to say no but if your wife feels the same then not making those demands yourself and picking up some of them from other family members would help.

Here and still there😞

Mention a fake woman at work a few times. That should do it.

There were a lot less obese and overweight people- partly due to UPFs

She’s a grown woman, so sit down and stop trying to bully her into conforming to the way in which you believe she should look. Getting your child involved is pretty terrible parenting.

Excellent way for @HelpMeHelpMyWife wife to lose a massive chunk of useless weight. Him.

YANBU and clearly only want to help

Seems to me the long term win is getting out of the habit of buying the calories in the first place

Fucking hell. I think you might be onto something here. I wonder why nobody else ever thought of that?

Could you pay for her to have weight loss injections as so few people meet the NHS criteria? It can be a game changer and takes the angst out of it. It can be prescribed privately by a doctor, with progress and safety monitored.

No, discussion on this is not welcome.

If the MN FOAK had said "go for it" I'd have chanced it but the general opinion seems to be it won't work.

If she is already experiencing health issues and struggling to do certain things at only 51, and you’ve already brought up losing weight and she isn’t really showing any real interest, I doubt there is anything you can say or do that will change her.

I’d be really annoyed if my partner wasn’t trying to keep fit and healthy as it’s would impact me too.

I know you're being sarcastic but quite seriously I wonder the same. if it's in the house you need will power to resist. If it never enters the house it's much easier.

Question OP, why do you think you have the right to tell a grown woman what to do with her body?

Exactly. Do you say anything to help her feel loved and secure in your relationship or just criticise her weight ( however well meaning you may be about that).
Do you do your share of the household chores and mental load of family life or is she constantly stressed and exhausted because you are a selfish, lazy pig?
She is most likely to lose weight if she feels good about herself and has the time and energy for the self care needed.

Could you say, you’ve heard colleagues/friends talk about weight loss injections and if she wanted to try them, you think you could find the money? Might plant a seed.

I think it’s normal to care about the health of someone you love. It also impacts the other person in the relationship as it may change what they can do together. They have a child and really you should want to be healthy for your children.

Look, dude.
Mounjaro stops you from craving food. You end up in a calorie deficit as a result. Obviously you need to eat healthily but it's a million times easier on WLI.
I've been on MJ for 27 months and it's changed my life.

Have a look at some of the threads on here about MJ. It wouldn't surprise me if your wife would be delighted to give it a go, if you say you can afford it.

Stop buying junk food and alcohol. Only buy and cook healthy food. If you buy junk food and alcohol you’re enabling it.

Me and DH just go on our own health kicks and bring the other person along with us.

Cant wait until they do the same shows for druggies and pissheads..............oh wait Would never happen. They just like to stick to the safe prejudices.

Thing is she will feel worse with your comnments about mobility scooters! How is your relationship. Not well I expect! Look losing weight is complicated and support is needed.she goes to ww .already that's a start.