To buy my DD alcohol for a party?

[YouBelongWithMe]

My daughter (16, soon to be 17) is going to her first proper house party next week.

I know the kids, they are lovely but also every so slightly older (year above) and I know there will be alcohol there.

I would rather have the conversation about drinking options, tolerances, sensible drinking and then buy her something instead of her sending money to someone for a share in a bottle of cheap vodka of whatever.

Is this irresponsible? For context, so as to not drip feed, I am a teacher who knows the teens at the party, so they'd probably find out I'd supplied it to her.

You’re a teacher, this would come under gross misconduct buying alcohol for underage children… I wouldn’t let her go tbh

You’re a teacher and questioning this? You could easily lose your job. By all means have the talk about responsible drinking but don’t give her anything

Only Buck’s Fizz if you get anything

Jesus. You’d be in very serious trouble if anyone found out. Especially if you teach any of the kids that could drink the alcohol. This is such bad judgment.

Right, I see what you're saying about the professionalism / buying. However, she is allowed the odd drink at home I'd actually far rather she was open with us than hiding drinking.

So, if we agree it's silly for me to buy it for her... Would it be irresponsible if I wasn't a teacher? I.e. my husband bought it (he's not one).

Can’t comment from the teacher aspect but yes I did, as do all her friends parents. And anyone who thinks teens are not drinking are deluded

it’s about teaching responsibility, boundaries and knowing they can call anytime if they need to

I agree that, as a teacher, you are in a difficult position here.
Logically, I agree with your position and when DD was about that age I turned a blind eye to her and her friend having some alcohol for a party, after a sensible chat. Unfortunately, in your position, I suspect common sense and good parenting may not be permissible.

Is she in sixth form? No issue with this if she wants to have a drink but talk to her about lining her stomach, keeping ro a limit, drinking water when she gets home etc . I usually buy my year 12 a few cans of alco pops and when she had a party here I made a big pitcher of archers and lemondade as it’s not to strong. At a sixth form party it’s hard to avoid alcohol and it’s better to be open about it.
make her pay for any booze you buy.

I’m also a teacher and you would be mad to do this. Anything could go wrong at the party and if it was repeated that you had supplied alcohol to minors, you’d be on a big disciplinary. Apart from that, no way in hell would I supply alcohol to my 16 year old child. Both illegal and terrible parenting.

Fair enough. I see what people are saying. Just hate the idea of her potentially being secretive or drinking some real crap. I think I thought being part of the process would mitigate that. Fair enough though, I see how it looks.

If you're a teacher of the students at the party (which I assume you are otherwise you'd not have mentioned it?) I wouldn't risk it: you could lose your career.
Otherwise, I'd say YANBU so long as it's not excessive.

It’s fine. She’ll get it from somewhere - she’s nearly 17!

Far better that you get her some low alcoholic drinks and you have an open conversation rather than she is mainlining vodka and lying about it.

It’s also important she understands alcohol and what her limits are. She may not like it.

Buy her a small bottle that she keeps on her at all times, and that only she can pour. No risk of spiking (and talk to her about that).Teens will drink; better to be safe and ensure it’s come from a reputable source. Let her know she can call you at any time to be picked up, no matter if drunk. She’ll be less likely to hide drinking from you, and thus safer.

They are about to leave the school I teach at. By the time of the party it's the Easter hols, and they won't come back as they'll be on exam leave and then left. But yes, I know them through their attendance at my school.

Do you teach the other kids at the party? Or do they just know you as a teacher?

Teacher aspect aside it’s a tricky decision. Of course there will be copious amounts of alcohol there and highly likely drugs too. I’m a secondary teacher and house party stories make my hair curl. You definitely need conversations about what to drink / not to drink etc. And then hope for the best.

So her soon to be 17 year old can't go to a house party because her mum is a teacher?! Be real.
This is a personal matter. It's her daughter. Who do you think would be filing a gross misconduct charge against her?
I'd have a very serious conversation about alcohol limits with your husband being present if that helps. Then decide as parents what the best course of action is. Being realistic she's going to drink alcohol so consuming a limited amount you have control of is far favourable than the alternative.

I’d buy a bottle of WKD / smirn off ice / few beers etc and leave them in the fridge… then if she takes it you haven’t technically supplied it 🤷‍♀️ I think it’s much better you’re in control of the type of alcohol she has. Who knows what’s in the cheap crappy vodka and she won’t know her tolerance.

As a teacher YOU do the advice about calling you if she needs to come home no matter what etc & this is what she says if asked.

her Dad (as the non teacher parent) does what most other parents of older 16/17 yo's does & supplies some drinks. Chosen wisely!

I would buy it, I'm sure your DD isn't going to announce you have purchased it, or give her aheads up first.

I remember being 14 and getting random adults (mainly men) to buy it as they were more likely to then a woman. Of course we used to buy a huge bottle of cider which is definitely not recommended.

Definitely safer to purchase as you will know it's legit and have control on which beverage.

I remember reading horror stories about teens drinking dodgy vodka and going blind!

I don't see anything wrong in buying her booze to take to the party. It would be utterly delusional to think that at nearly 17 she'll abstain like a good, god fearing girl. And it's not illegal for her to drink at her age on private premises. But you being the teacher of the other kids puts a different spin on it. Someone is bound to say something.

My 16 year is not drinking! Not all teenagers drink! And no I am.not naive. I started drinking myself at 14 and have a 14 ye old DD that would give her right eye for a strwberry daiquiri given half the chance. The 16yr old isn't though

At 16 my parents (not teachers) flat out wouldn't have allowed me to go to a house party and I wouldn't have done it because of the consequences.

I think the better option is to just buy a 4 pack of whatever alcopop is currently cool and say this is for you and your friend to share. In my day it would have been wkd/smirnoff/red square!

I mean... as a fellow millennial, I'm not sure what part of the sensible drinking convo you think is going to sink in.

A share of whatever is acquired is par for the course.

I'd focus on "no matter what happens you can call me, no questions or punishment, and I'll pick you up."

Not all teens are drinking. Whats important is honest & open conversation about it.

Gross misconduct? Get real. Shes not planning on supplying the whole class. She is a parent doing what thousands of others are doing. Buying alcohol for their own child & discussing safe alcohol use with them.