To buy my DD alcohol for a party?

[YouBelongWithMe]

My daughter (16, soon to be 17) is going to her first proper house party next week.

I know the kids, they are lovely but also every so slightly older (year above) and I know there will be alcohol there.

I would rather have the conversation about drinking options, tolerances, sensible drinking and then buy her something instead of her sending money to someone for a share in a bottle of cheap vodka of whatever.

Is this irresponsible? For context, so as to not drip feed, I am a teacher who knows the teens at the party, so they'd probably find out I'd supplied it to her.

My parents bought me alcohol to drink at parties. I drank that and then also drank random drinks with people I shouldn’t. I’m not sure supplying it stops that.

You are absolutely not going to lose your career if you buy your own nearly 17 year old done alcohol to take to a party! I work for children’s social care ( and have a 17 year old) and nobody would bat an eye at this. Just make sure she eats, remind her to drink plenty of water and let her enjoy the party

I would but with the caveat that this is all you are to drink.

Mum of 16 and a half year old and I'm not buying him drink till hes 18. He actually doesn't drink anyway, nor do his immediate friends. He'll find it if he wants it before he's 18 but I'm not going to make it easier for him ! Same way I grew up and it meant I never over did it until I was away at uni.

Exactly. It definitely doesn't. It certainly didn't stop me!

It is also illegal for parents to buy alcohol for their children. Well, I guess we can get into what is buying by proxy and the terminology. And unless you're providing a bottle of vodka they will source it themselves anyways. I don't think teenagers should the procuring alcohol themselves, but i don't think parents should be doing that either

Also just anecdotally. When I was in school 200 years ago the kids with cool parents that got them a six pack were always the drunkest at a party.

https://www.ias.org.uk/2025/04/08/despite-what-many-parents-think-allowing-teenagers-to-try-alcohol-at-any-age-is-harmful/

https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/parents-lenient-attitudes-towards-drinking-linked-to-greater-alcohol-use-among-children

https://theconversation.com/teens-of-any-age-who-drink-alcohol-with-their-parents-permission-drink-more-as-young-adults-new-research-shows-254789

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/psychological-medicine/article/abs/parental-supply-of-alcohol-and-alcohol-consumption-in-adolescence-prospective-cohort-study/CE8903F9DD77A2143E2D2A85C20851AD

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4108600/

https://www.fresh-balance.co.uk/news/north-east-parents-urged-to-think-twice-about-providing-alcohol/

I completely agree with this sentiment. I very much want my daughter to know her limits and be used to alcohol before she's going out for the whole evening. However, while I would absolutely do it myself in a controlled environment, it is very much illegal to buy an under 18 alcohol. Regardless of whether that person is your child or not. And with you being a teacher, it puts a very different spin on the situation. Teens get silly and if something were to happen and it came out you had bought alcohol for a party, it would look very bad.

Giving alcohol to an under 18, is illegal. So why would you do that? Surely as a parent you need to model the desired behaviour ie. abiding the law

Yet under 18s are allowed to have a drink (purchased by an adult) with a meal in a restaurant or pub.

5-16 can drink at home (I’m perplexed by this age range but there you go). With an adult.

So the adult gives the 17 (nearly 18 year old.) a drink at home. They take this to someone else’s private residence to drink. I can’t really get worked up over this.

No, it’s not illegal to give alcohol to under 18s.

https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/facts/information-about-alcohol/alcohol-and-the-law/the-law-on-alcohol-and-under-18s#/overview
“In England, Scotland and Wales, it’s not illegal for someone between the ages of five and 17 to drink alcohol at home or on other private premises.”

I really don’t think your profession has anything to do with this... you’re a mum first and foremost. And honestly, I think you’re handling the situation realistically. The people saying you’re being irresponsible clearly aren’t living in the real world.
Your daughter is going to be around her peers who are drinking. She’ll want to fit in and that’s completely natural. By buying her a couple of drinks yourself (for example, two pre‑mixed cans), she won’t feel like she’s missing out or be tempted to drink from friends or strangers, of God knows what.
I’d give her the “be sensible” chat....only drink what I’ve bought you, and if you don’t stick to that, there will be consequences. Let her know you’re trusting her.
At the end of the day, we’ve all been there. It’s about giving them a bit of freedom and making sure they feel able to come to you and be open. I’d much rather that than them sneaking around

There’s turning a blind eye to something you know is happening and there’s actively enabling it. I think it’s unwise, personally, to facilitate any of this. I have open conversations with my children about the risks around alcohol and drugs, and they also know that I went to pubs at 16 (Sixth Form) and occasionally drank far too much. I would still be pretending that I didn’t know they’d be drinking at that party! They would know that I would pick them up whatever happened , they’d know that I know that they’d probably drink, but I wouldn’t be openly buying anything for them. I just think you’re blurring boundaries. We have parents’ at the school I work in providing 14 year olds with alcohol at house parties - I’m sure their parents are justifying it the same way you are. Where do you draw the line? And I mean that literally - where do you draw that line. For me, a nice clear 18 because buying alcohol specifically for an under 18 year old is illegal. If your line is Sixth Form, then fine. You know your kids. But definitely make sure your husband does it, not you, for the sake of your job.

It's not illegal for a child over 5 to drink alcohol on private property so it's not gross misconduct.

Dd is 18 and now at uni.Drinks but not to the point of excess. DH is a teacher , im not! Our line with both her and her older brother was.a sensible open attitude to alcohol and what it does to u as well at long chats about spiking. The only friend Ds (23) has who drinks to excess now had parents who said no till 18. He still drank btw. At this age so 6th form we had a rule of no spirits, but beer( aldi small bottles about 3.5%) and cans of cocktails also 3to 4% were ok and i would buy 2 or 3 for a party. I bought not DH. They only drank there own thanks to the spiking chats and when ds friend was spiked at a local club last year I got the phone call asking for help! Its a hard call, but being open and discussing about alcohol and is issues i feel better than NO till your 18.

I think it’s unwise to cave to this kind of peer pressure and provide alcohol to a minor.
my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/17541-alcohol-underage-drinking

Why have you linked a US website?

It’s not illegal for a 17 year old to drink alcohol in a licensed premises such as a pub with a meal and an adult buying the drink. It is legal for 17 year olds to have alcohol at home and on private premises.

If the parents don’t get her a few drinks to take do you honestly think she’ll just say ‘oh ok I won’t drink then’

Open communication is important an we’re talking about a nearly 18 year old here not a 15 year old.

Read the OP again. She’s 16.

If you wasn't a teacher I'd say yanbu but as.you are a teacher you shouldn't do it, isn't worth the risk to your job if anyone was to find out. I'd send her with pop to mix with and food, that'd be more sensible/practical

Still can’t get worked up about this. The law is the same for 16 and 17 year olds - they can consume
alcohol on private premises and can have a drink bought by an adult with a meal in a restaurant or a pub.