To buy my DD alcohol for a party?

[YouBelongWithMe]

My daughter (16, soon to be 17) is going to her first proper house party next week.

I know the kids, they are lovely but also every so slightly older (year above) and I know there will be alcohol there.

I would rather have the conversation about drinking options, tolerances, sensible drinking and then buy her something instead of her sending money to someone for a share in a bottle of cheap vodka of whatever.

Is this irresponsible? For context, so as to not drip feed, I am a teacher who knows the teens at the party, so they'd probably find out I'd supplied it to her.

I'd buy it for mine, DH got some foe my DS at 16 for a house party. Some low percentage cider. I wouldn't do it in your situation as you are a professional and there is a risk of people finding out.

If they are yr 13 then most will be 18 I think yr 11 is vwry different.....

Why would it be gross misconduct to give your own DD some alcohol?
Are there other professions that this would also be the case?

At 16 she is allowed to drink in a private venue anyway.

I was always given a bottle of wine to take to parties when I was 16/17 my parents knew if I drank the whole thing it wouldn’t kill me and would rather I had that than drank cheap vodka and potentially had far too much. I’m glad they did and I would do the same with mine if they are responsible enough to go the party they are responsible enough to have a drink without going mad.

My parents used to do this for me when I was far too young. However they didn’t explain about safe limits, etc, etc, just bought it and thought they were being kind of cool and also were just giving in to my nagging. I would binge drink, end up vomiting. I won’t be doing this for my children.

Most teenagers are going to drink and experiment, especially at nearly 17.

My parents used to have a rule.

I was only to drink what they give me (not strong or a lot) and no matter where I was, if I was in any trouble or danger to call them immediately and they would come get me.

The more something is forbidden, the more tempting it becomes.

I don't think you are crazy at all.

Fine for your daughter. The problem comes if she then gives it to other underage people.

If there is going to be alcohol at the party it doesn’t really matter what she takes with her, what matters is is she likely to drink to excess any alcohol there, and is there any adult supervision? I would be particularly concerned there are older/year above kids there.

Some of the stories and things that go on when alcohol is involved, especially to young girls trying to fit in would shock you. I would be wanting an adult/parent in the house at this age.

I bought/buy alcohol for my daughters (now 21 and 17) to take to house parties in sixth form. Started with cans, then progressed to vodka as they got closer to 18 and more aware.

I'm sure people jump to the worst, but in reality they get a bit drunk in someone's front room then usually picked up at about midnight. My eldest has been in far worse states at uni than she ever was at house parties.

While some kids don't drink, the majority do, and personally I can't see anything wrong with buying it for them. It's not illegal on private property and most of them are fundementally sensible. If there's problems, that's different.

I think some on this thread need a little reality check. A few vodka lemonades at a house party is part of normal life, not a reason to check them into The Priory.

Absolutely not!

Teachers aren’t allowed to buy their own children alcohol? Are there other professions this applies to?

I'd ask your DH to get her a 4 pack of beer or lager and a 4 pack of fanta and make your expectations clear around responsible drinking. It's too easy to drink alcopops quickly without realizing the strength. The issue with you being a teacher is probably a red herring but I guess if any of the kids were stupid and needed A&E or the party got out of hand, it wouldn't be a good look if someone knew you'd supplied some of the drink.

Blimey I think you are getting a hard time OP. I do buy alcohol for my 16 nearly 17 year old. We have a small vodka bottle which we fill , she keeps hold of it and takes mixers if needed. I have also bought M&S cocktails. I avoid crap like apple sours etc. I would rather she was in control of what she drinks rather than throwing back someone’s she doesn’t know or whatever is there and then is sick. Plus the chance of it being spiked. I have an older child and this worked with her too. Don’t get me wrong I did angst over this but by not getting it for her she was going to get hold of it anyway. We also pick her up if needed. Lots of kids don’t drink and lots do, but when she goes off to uni I want to know she knows her limits and is a sensible drinker. Each mum to their own, teacher or not.

Even if you buy her a bottle of finest chateauneuf-du-pap, there’s no guarantee she won’t put it aside and guzzle cheap vodka with her mates.

I don’t drink, and I’ve never bought my kids alcohol. Younger one is nearly 17, and older one is 20. If they want alcohol, they can find a way to buy it themselves!

Most of these replies are mad! It’s not illegal for the op’s daughter to drink at someone’s house. Gross misconduct? Hilarious.

I would definitely just buy her some sensible options and warn her about vodka!

For those questioning the misconduct thing it genuinely is true. And utterly ridiculous. Lots of schools have the scaremongering training as part of their CPD days.
Teachers have to adhere to the professional standards regardless of it being term time or not or they can and have been struck off for “unprofessional conduct”. It’s madness!
That’s why when mine gets to his teenage years I’ll have that chat, have some beers in the fridge and feign complete ignorance when he inevitably takes them but I will not outright give them to him.

@YouBelongWithMe I'd get DH to buy it. She's going to do it anyway and it's better to have the open conversation. Saying this as someone who's mum had this approach with me. As did most my friends. And those commenting saying they wouldn’t do it are probably the ones who did it in secret as teenagers.

cite your source for this claim pls

100% this. This is actually how you teach teens about responsible drinking, if you make it taboo they will do it in secret. Safe drinking in a controlled supervised setting is infinitely preferable to binge drinking on a park bench somewhere.

https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/facts/information-about-alcohol/alcohol-and-the-law/the-law-on-alcohol-and-under-18s#/overview

“In England, Scotland and Wales, it’s not illegal for someone between the ages of five and 17 to drink alcohol at home or on other private premises.”

@YouBelongWithMe you sound like a wonderful mum. It’s unfortunate of your links to the rest of them.

For context - my mum and I are very close. A friendship I have counted on over the years. She let me explore being a teenager but either guidance and limits and I never took advantage of that or felt the need to rebel etc.

A close friend on the other hand - her mother was very strict. She rebelled almost to prove a point.

But even if you brought her it it would not stop her drinking random rubbish at the party. You cant control that. You can only hope you have given her the tools to navigate this part of teen life .

Not all teens drink, I certainly didn’t, my friends didn’t and my DDs didn’t either.

We were just not interested in alcohol, and most of us still aren’t.

It really helps retention in the teaching profession when teachers are held to a higher standard than everyone else!

No, my 19yr old DS has no interest in drinking either. Has never drank socially and no desire to experiment with alcohol.

My DD is definitely no wild child. She's pretty sensible. I trust her to be responsible. Which is why I'd rather be upfront and involved - I don't want her to think I don't trust her.

Yes, I would get your husband to buy some.