Partners family have a habit of not saying goodbye

[PockerMaus]

So until recently it's just my partner's dad who seems to have this issue. Whenever he has stayed with us in the past he seems to have dipped out early in the morning without saying goodbye (my partners family all live about 4 hours away). It upset my partner in the past but he has a turbulent relationship with his dad anyway.

This weekend we had two of his aunties and his cousin come and stay. They drove down on Saturday, we cooked them lunch, went for a nice walk and then had pancakes for tea and watched a film. It seemed like a lovely day and they all went to bed and said see you tomorrow.

We have an 8 month old son who thankfully (after 7 months of awful sleep) now sleeps through on most occasions. I woke up around 6 and 7 and couldn't hear anything and our son was still asleep so went back to sleep. My partner and I woke up at 8am and went downstairs to find a note written on some kitchen roll saying thank you for the food, had to go. They then messaged to say they had been up since 3am unable to sleep and needed to get home.

Tbh I find it really rude, after hosting these people and they just leave without saying goodbye. We sleep with our door open so it's not like we were shut away and not like we woke up late. I haven't replied to their messages and feel that they've let my partner down as it's something he has always been upset about when his dad does it.

Would you be offended by this or not think it's a particularly big deal? My partner said they may not have wanted to wake us up as we have a baby but he sleeps in his own room and they know that he sleeps through the night now so it's not like we're sleep deprived.

I just feel like saying something to them that this wasn't ok but also don't want to be overreacting and falling out with the in laws. Maybe I just need to rant haha. I just know I wouldn't stay at someone's house and then leave without saying goodbye.

Most people have the opposite problem.

I don't think they were rude, they left a note and it seems they had their own issues and wanted to get home without bothering you.

Yes, bit rude. Have you bought food for Sunday breakfast and lunch?

Yes odd.

Your partner's dad sounds a bit odd especially if he makes a habit of it and your baby has only just started sleeping in.

What time was he ducking out??

Nothing wrong with the note from the aunts if they had to go.

At least they left a note.
It would be nice if they phoned you later to thank you for your hospitality, but people seldom phone anyone anymore, a thank you text is not the same.

A bit rude, imo.
Do you actually invite these people to stay, or do they invite themselves/ use your home in lieu of a hotel to save themselves money?

They clearly wanted to get home and didn't want to disturb you.

I would reply something like 'lovely to see you and glad you got home safe. We were disappointed you'd left so early and would loved to have seen you before you went'

I would never wake someone into he night if I needed to go home.

Hopefully they had genuine reasons and we're not just being rude.

I think it's pretty weird, I just can't imagine doing it myself or anyone I know

Did you have any plans with them today

I think next time (if there is one! ) anytime someone from his family stays, either say something or just anticipate this happening & try not to take their weirdness personally!

try to enjoy the rest of the day without thinking about it.

I do something similar if I stay in a friends house if it's been for a night out and to avoid a long costly trip home in taxi. I get up and out of their way early so they can enjoy their lazy morning without me hanging around.
At a certain age people just want to get home to their own space. Don't sleep well in other people's beds, different noises. If they're awake and a drive home ahead of them they'll probably want to get on the road and not waste the whole day; if other option is hang around till you guys get up and then eat some breakfast and then drive home. And even if your bedroom door is open no grown adult would walk into another couples bedroom while they were in bed.

Weird, but as they’re your partner’s family, it’s his issue to address.

If your husbands Father does this regularly has your husband mentioned it would be nice to have a proper goodbye? Why does your husband not get up early if he knows what his dad does?

What time did they leave? Did you not hear them at all moving around? Or closing the front door? Car start?

I like to be on the road early when going home so probably would do the same if no one was up and I wanted to get home.

If I had guests over I would make a point of being up early to do breakfast.

They didn't want to wake you up just to say they were leaving. Just message saying, Sorry you had to leave so suddenly was there a problem? Were you unwell? You should have woken us we wouldn't have minded and we would have liked to say goodbye properly

It's rude, and considering your partner used to be affected by his dad doing it (and it probably does still upset him even if he doesn't say so anymore), I would stop having people stay overnight.

I think if the driver couldn’t get back to sleep after 3am and had a 4 hour drive ahead I don’t blame them for getting on the road. There would be no point them just hanging around getting more and more tired for 4 or 5 hours just to say a quick goodbye.

I also think they were right not to wake you up in the middle of the night to say goodbye. They did the most considerate thing and left a note.

When we stay at our friends we leave early in the morning to get back for the kids, and they like a lie in. We don’t expect them to get up to see us out and I don’t think they’d appreciate us waking them up to say bye. Last time they left us some pastries out to take with us so presumably there’s no hard feelings!

Also the dad issue is separate, that’s not the fault of these visitors so it should be impacting your judgement of them.

It could be seen as quite considerate.
It's easier to get away if there are no long drawn out goodbyes with having to eat breakfast because you've prepared it etc.
They came. They stayed. They left.
So you've now got the day to yourselves to relax or do chores or whatever.
Saves you time and kerfuffle too.
You can get back to your normal routine.
Don't take offence where none is given.
Look at all the posters who cannot get people to leave . . .
Cheerio.

Well we'd arranged to go for breakfast at a nearby spot but not bought anything!

I would find that very weird. Did you have any plans today or an estimate of what time they were intending to leave, like after breakfast? If so, it's even more odd.

What do you mean by the opposite problem?

Hmm I do see what you mean but I just personally wouldn't shoot at 8am when someone had made such an effort for me. But hey ho, we all have different degrees of politeness I suppose.

My partner said they may not have wanted to wake us up as we have a baby but he sleeps in his own room and they know that he sleeps through the night now so it's not like we're sleep deprived.

So you wanted them to wake you up just to say bye?

They said they’d been up since the early hours so I can understand them just wanting to get home.
Its also difficult trying to be quiet in someone else’s home when everyone else is asleep.

I wouldn’t take it personally.
They don’t think what they did was rude and so I’d just let it go.

I think it's more they didn't really have a reason to go.. like we'd arranged to all go for breakfast etc, it just feels like they decided they wanted to go home (4 hour drive) so seems a long way to come to just leave without a goodbye 🫣

He is very odd for lots of reasons haha. I've caught him sneaking out a couple of times. Just a bit weird!

Hmm I suppose. I feel a note is a bit of a cop out. It would have taken much longer to write than just come in and say we're going. We're a very easy going couple and wouldn't have had a problem being woken up (I was basically awake anyway I just didn't think anyone else was up so didn't come down)

Yes true, a phone call would be nice.

Haha well it's normally just easier for them to stay as it's a long drive and they only normally come for the weekend plus we like hosting people! But yes, I wouldn't ever leave without saying goodbye to family so find it very odd.

OP, I’d be relieved as it means no more hosting is expected. Meet for lunch mid way twice a year and enjoy your weekends in peace.

Yeah i think that's the thing, they didn't really have a reason for leaving so early. I didn't mention that we had made plans to go out for breakfast and my mum was coming over to see them as it was her birthday. (They all get on so it's not like they were leaving to avoid her)

Haha it's a shame though as we enjoy hosting! But sounds good to me 😂