Partners family have a habit of not saying goodbye

[PockerMaus]

So until recently it's just my partner's dad who seems to have this issue. Whenever he has stayed with us in the past he seems to have dipped out early in the morning without saying goodbye (my partners family all live about 4 hours away). It upset my partner in the past but he has a turbulent relationship with his dad anyway.

This weekend we had two of his aunties and his cousin come and stay. They drove down on Saturday, we cooked them lunch, went for a nice walk and then had pancakes for tea and watched a film. It seemed like a lovely day and they all went to bed and said see you tomorrow.

We have an 8 month old son who thankfully (after 7 months of awful sleep) now sleeps through on most occasions. I woke up around 6 and 7 and couldn't hear anything and our son was still asleep so went back to sleep. My partner and I woke up at 8am and went downstairs to find a note written on some kitchen roll saying thank you for the food, had to go. They then messaged to say they had been up since 3am unable to sleep and needed to get home.

Tbh I find it really rude, after hosting these people and they just leave without saying goodbye. We sleep with our door open so it's not like we were shut away and not like we woke up late. I haven't replied to their messages and feel that they've let my partner down as it's something he has always been upset about when his dad does it.

Would you be offended by this or not think it's a particularly big deal? My partner said they may not have wanted to wake us up as we have a baby but he sleeps in his own room and they know that he sleeps through the night now so it's not like we're sleep deprived.

I just feel like saying something to them that this wasn't ok but also don't want to be overreacting and falling out with the in laws. Maybe I just need to rant haha. I just know I wouldn't stay at someone's house and then leave without saying goodbye.

Don't see the problem but, your baby is in his own room already?!

Wouldn’t bother me. Sometimes we pretend we have to get back for something as we have friends that don’t want us to leave and we end up staying longer than I want to.

There’s no way I’d enter an adults bedroom to wake them unless it was an emergency. I’d feel so uncomfortable if I found a friend or relative in my room just to say goodbye. Whilst id be a tad confused in your situation as you’d already had plans for the day I would much prefer a note rather than being woken up.

I’d be tempted to message and just say something like. I hope everything is ok, we were a bit worried with you leaving in such a hurry. If they stay again I’d also be saying to them will you be here when we get up in the morning or shall we say goodbye now.

He's 8 months old.. advice is to have them with you until 6 months ☺️

Haha I don't understand this common notion on this thread of people wanting to make an early exit/making excuses to leave/happy when guests go 😂 is it a British thing? When I visit family I want to see them for as long as possible, especially when we've driven 4+ hours to get there!

If I have a long drive I want to head off as soon as possible. I want to get ahead of the traffic and leave myself a good portion of the day at home to decompress before heading to work the day after. Some of us despite loving our family members need to rest or recharge after events like this.

That's absolutely fine if you say that beforehand to your hosts. But if I've agreed to plans beforehand and then decide to just head out early doors, I find that a bit rude.

Yeah good point for future stays! Will try that with them next time :)

Thank you, some of these replies are making me feel like I'm insane!

I do think there may be a sense of this. There are various mental health issues across the family. (No shame or judgement there hah I have similar in my family).

Haha I still think it can be considered sneaking out even if you leave a note! Appreciate your thoughts though, thank you

Agree with this, there's definitely more to it in my eyes! Especially with it being a family trait. I think my family go the opposite way though, we're a super anxious bunch and always worry about offending people 😂 so maybe I'm just super polite!

Oh I certainly would hope not! We would never expect that from them :)

Update for anyone interested..

Both aunts sent a nice message and I sent a nice one back to each. I did mention it would have been nice to see them in the morning but also I understand if they needed to get home.

So all is ok in the world. I still personally wouldn't do it but everyone is different and I don't have the energy to hold a grudge, especially now I have my baby. He is the most important thing 😅🩵

I am guilty of this tbh. I find the whole ‘saying goodbye’ thing really awkward - silences, will they try to hug me etc.

I usually ask people not to say goodbye when they go

Haha I rate that though, the honesty! & If someone said that to me beforehand I would respect that and not find it rude at all.

Oh I do always follow up with a message so I’m not completely lacking 🙈🤣

How thick are the curtains in that room? The only time I have done this the curtains were much too thin and it was too light to sleep. By 7am I was really tired and grumpy so I just left.

So we have blinds in there and they're pretty good - my partner and I often fall asleep in there as it has the big TV in so I reckon we'd have spotted anything that'd make it uncomfortable for guests! Plus it seems to only be his family that do this 🫠
But I did actually ask this time to make sure there wasn't anything in the room that had gone unnoticed :) the driver auntie just said she is a terrible sleeper whenever away from home (she smokes weed so I think the issue is that she didn't have any with her...)

V rude!

It's odd.

Is it rude?

I would think anyone who genuinely had been awake since 3 not sleeping has issues. They left a note.

I think I'd be secretly pleased they'd gone.

These people are my dream guests!

As they leave early it seems to me they dont want to wake you. You have a small baby and they likely assume you need your sleep. Maybe they like to be off early. I dont think it is odd. If they left without saying goodbye at 10am,that would be rude .