Partners family have a habit of not saying goodbye

[PockerMaus]

So until recently it's just my partner's dad who seems to have this issue. Whenever he has stayed with us in the past he seems to have dipped out early in the morning without saying goodbye (my partners family all live about 4 hours away). It upset my partner in the past but he has a turbulent relationship with his dad anyway.

This weekend we had two of his aunties and his cousin come and stay. They drove down on Saturday, we cooked them lunch, went for a nice walk and then had pancakes for tea and watched a film. It seemed like a lovely day and they all went to bed and said see you tomorrow.

We have an 8 month old son who thankfully (after 7 months of awful sleep) now sleeps through on most occasions. I woke up around 6 and 7 and couldn't hear anything and our son was still asleep so went back to sleep. My partner and I woke up at 8am and went downstairs to find a note written on some kitchen roll saying thank you for the food, had to go. They then messaged to say they had been up since 3am unable to sleep and needed to get home.

Tbh I find it really rude, after hosting these people and they just leave without saying goodbye. We sleep with our door open so it's not like we were shut away and not like we woke up late. I haven't replied to their messages and feel that they've let my partner down as it's something he has always been upset about when his dad does it.

Would you be offended by this or not think it's a particularly big deal? My partner said they may not have wanted to wake us up as we have a baby but he sleeps in his own room and they know that he sleeps through the night now so it's not like we're sleep deprived.

I just feel like saying something to them that this wasn't ok but also don't want to be overreacting and falling out with the in laws. Maybe I just need to rant haha. I just know I wouldn't stay at someone's house and then leave without saying goodbye.

This is a bit weird. All three of them woke at 3 and couldn’t get back to sleep?

I’d probably just not have them to stay again.

Appreciate this comment! Yes I don't know why I'm really dwelling on it tbh, I just get annoyed for my partner as his family are pretty useless. He lost his mum two years ago who was an angel, so I think I take it quite personally when family let him down now.

True but it's not like we were up late, it was 8am 😂

I get what you mean if after a night out etc, but again, we had a quiet one with a film so not like anyone was nursing a hangover!

I personally would have waited, but I also love sleep so have never struggled to sleep at someone else's house. (Our spare room is nice and cosy so not sure why they were up from 3 🤔)

I do agree, he was quite upset about it but then messaged them back like it was fine. So it's just a bit annoying, but you're right, they're not my problem. I just get annoyed on his behalf ❤️

I’d be thrilled they’d gone so I could get up in peace.

We got up at 8 which I think is reasonable? His dad would generally leave at 6am. I think it's a bit wild to say we should get up super early to avoid people being rude and sneaking out 🤔.

I heard the downstairs Stairgate around 5 to so got up then but that must have been them leaving!

My partner has said it upset him when his dad used to do it (he doesn't come over any more for lots of reasons but his aunties knew that was something he did that upset him).

I'm sure that's maybe an unspoken agreement with your friends though? Whereas we had plans with these people for the morning.

I see your point about the dad thing, but I do think it's relevant as the aunties know that's something that upset my partner. If my brother did something that upset his son, I would make sure I didn't do the same thing to him.

Even when you'd been awake since 3am?

Hahah maybe my partner and I are the minority in the fact we like hosting. Plus I'm close with my family so wouldn't dream of trying to shoot in the morning if I'm staying for the weekend without saying goodbye. I would say having breakfast is just 'drawing it out'. They came to see us and their nephew but I feel they cut it short for no real reason.

Yes we planned to go to breakfast and it was my mum's birthday yesterday so they were coming round too to see the family.

I’d be pleased!

I am really amazed no one has suggested this.

Have you considered whether the sleeping accommodation you are providing is actually dreadfully uncomfortable and they tossed and turned until 3am and then just decided it was just too awful, knew they would get no sleep and be in a terrible state by the time you got up, so didn’t want to stay and make nice and go out to a cafe?

I have had that experience when staying with my in-laws when they used to make us as two grown adults (DH who is 6’8) sleep in the tiniest lumpiest sofa bed you could imagine. Then I would just sneak up a camping mattress and sleeping bag and we would sleep separately so as not to upset them. There was no way we could have got a moment of sleep otherwise. We were well past our student years where we used to sleep in single beds with people!

we didn’t want to upset them but I imagine I would have wanted to go home if I was in that situation without a sneaky backup plan.

haha we did wonder this but we actually give guests the much better bedroom. (Big comfy king bed, big TV) There is also a sofa bed.

Never any complaints other than my partners family but his dad has done this no matter where we have lived so think it's just his family that suck a goodbyes!

Haha maybe I'm looking at it wrong! I just find it rude and I know they'll want to come again soon and I'm like I don't want to bother making an effort if you're just going to sneak home.

Bit odd but I wouldn't take offence - all families have their quirks and they're usually not worth getting worked up over (and personally I'd actually be elated!)

Well yes, regardless if I'd been awake. Maybe I've just been brought up differently to others.

Haha yes I probably take it too personally!

I find it hard to sleep at other people's houses and if I was wide awake I might think best just to crack on and get home to my own bed rather than get even more tired and then have to continue socialising.

Whilst it does seem a bit odd, there is no way I would walk into my nephew and his wife's bedroom while they were asleep to say goodbye

Everyone is different I guess. I would be so pleased if overnight guests saw themselves off in the morning and left a thank you note 😂

It is a bit weird and rude tbh, as of course their message implies that it was the fault of you, as hosts, that they couldn't sleep. Did they explain any further, or apologise?

If I had to do this I would be very apologetic, and thank the hosts for a lovely day. Because I wouldn't want to upset my hosts, who had gone to some trouble for me.

Not that I ever have done it, seems very odd to me, why couldn't they hang on til the morning so they could greet you, make their excuses and then leave? .

Wouldn’t bother me, probably didn’t want to waste half a day travelling

Or maybe you haven't.

Maybe you just are different to others?

If any guests of mine had laid awake for 5 hours and left a note because they didn't want to wake me, I'd be totally understanding and empathetic.

Hmm I get your point. But if I was aware that that was something that had upset my host in the past.

I still find it rude haha but that's just my opinion! I however, am usually happy to suffer to keep others happy so I would wait to say goodbye properly and thank my hosts. (Again, not like we were up late or anything, 8am is reasonable to me.)

Surely being up since 3am is a reason for leaving early.

They must have been knackered and sound like they left well before you woke up if you didn’t hear anything.