AIBU to be baffled by colleague on same wage living lavishly?

[Cherryred2]

AIBU to think that some people are so unaffected by the COL and to find it strange. A woman at work is just living a life that seems so alien to me and the others. She is just back from a weekend in London (not for any reason), went to a show, had dinners, shopping spree etc. last year bought a new house and a new car!! Is doing a Disney Paris and Paris holiday this summer! Is going on another trip to Budapest with her sister,spa weekend with her mum and sister, a few days to Rome with her DS because “he loves history and would love to see the colleseum and is thinking of where to go with her dd because she has to make it fair. I asked her if she had plans this weekend and they were out for dinner Friday night and Saturday night for two different celebrations. I’m constantly thinking WTF! The crazy thing is we earn the same which is approximately 50k, I mentioned a credit card last year and she said “oh no I don’t do credit cards, never had one, I hate them, I’m so fearful of debt, mortgage is my only debt and I overpay on that!” I’m baffled!

We had someone like this at my last job. She was the sole earner. Most of what she said was bullshit. She believed it and she expected us to

I earn £40kish, partner on slightly less and people have asked at work how we afford Caribbean or Disney holidays every year. I work 12 hour shifts and I take all my food while they are buying and ordering 2/3 meals a day is a big one. But honestly, low mortgage is a factor £500 a month. We put £300 each a month into a holiday fund. We share a car on pcp and split the costs (although people could wonder why we have a new car). Do our best to save on groceries and really just don’t buy stuff. We don’t need any clothes or shoes or random stuff so other than bills we just save the rest for holidays and leisure. No credit cards or racked up debt lurking

is she childfree? Because life changed for us when childcare costs came about 😂

Only Fans.

Or more likely, her DH earns a lot.

For your own piece of mind you've got to let it go.

Don't let it consume you and concentrate on your own life.

A surprising number of adults still get help from their parents.

Nothing wrong with it, I’m jealous if anything 😁

I work in a small team and am definitely the poor one ! One colleague is married to a CEO with multiple businesses, another has a family trust fund waiting for her , another has a partner who works a lot of cash in hand. There are obvious reasons why they are having a much better quality of life than me despite earning similar. It's hard to hear about their multiple trips abroad and their kids private schools on a daily basis but nothing I can do about it.

Rich husband?

My friend who always seems to have loads of money has another property that she’s had for years that generates an income.

I wonder if people sometimes wonder how I afford to do stuff, single parent although dd is 20 now, I am just very careful with money 🤷‍♀️

I am a single income household.
Most of my colleagues are in dual income households so of course they have more £.
And that's just the most obvious difference. I have no idea what their personal financial situations are.
I try not to think about it too much as no good comes of it. I just look after myself, my home and family and be thankful we have good health and are secure enough just about; I don't think my employer realises how hard it is to manage on what they pay me
I'm mid 50s and peers are starting to lose parents. I believe some come into some money (new cars, the home improvements they've been waiting to do, fabulous holidays) but would never assume or ask.

If she has in-laws then I assume she’s married and her husband works.

so between them they can afford it, she’s not paying everything from her wage.

Why would you assume the answer must be she’s lying about debt, not that the colleagues husband earns a lot of money?

I work with lots of women who’s dh earn a lot of money and they could be SAHMs if they wanted to be, they really just work to fund fun things, for the mental stimulation, or because they’ve seen other women face their dh walking out on them in their 50s and don’t want to have lost their career.

You seem jealous and overly invested.

Mind you own business

I know someone who gets regular monthly payments from their pensioner parents, who are not rich but feel they have enough money for their own needs and want to pass it down the line rather than waiting till they die. Could be something like that - not something you would disclose to a colleague, I think.

This poster seems to start threads about budgeting and £ but doesn't return.
She doesn't come across as particularly switched on -asking quite specific questions but not giving any details about her own situation so people can't really answer properly.

Ah that makes sense. To be this interested in someone else’s lifestyle is quite unhinged 🙈🤣

So she has a DH? What doesn’t earn? If she’s in £50k and he’s on £150k that would make a huge difference. She could also have had inheritance from grandparents, or family trust funds.

OP states that she has a DS and a DD. So at least two dc…

One of these. Or gifts from parents. Or dare we say it dodgy or even very dodgy deals.

You mention a DS so I assume she either has a partner/husband or is divorced and receives maintenance of some kind. That's the most likely source of the money that allows her to do this. If the DS's father's income covers all the bills etc. she's got the take home of £50k to spend on what she wants.

Other possibilities - support from parents, trust fund, historical large insurance/compensation payout, premium bond/lottery win, inherited large sum or property from deceased relative, invested very cannily in the stock market at some point in the past, has an income stream from another business or property rentals - lots of possibilities.

No use comparing your lifestyles, you just have to make the best of what you have.

I have a colleague like that, driving one of those small white Mercedes.

She can't understand how I can blow £4K on a holiday even after me suggesting she works out how much her car costs per year compared to my totally paid off old banger. Dread to think what her hair, nails, white teeth and makeup budget is every month but suspect that is where I'm making the savings compared to her.

I used to work with someone like this albeit we were early/mid 20s. Lavish lifestyle and had a reasonablely well off partner. We went into town one day and they were splurging on Tom Ford and other designer beauty items. Transpired (as suspected) it was all on credit cards and trying to keep up with the partners lifestyle. Family left to pick up the pieces of repaying credit cards. They also had a big flash wedding....sadly ended in divorce less than a year later.
They are back flashing the luxury life again, failing to show on social media it is being funded by their new man.
I often got the impression they were somewhat embarrassed by their family not being "rich" however they would have bit been poor either.

I would easily be able to do all that on £50k a year.

Some people are just better at budgeting.

You also don’t know her lifestyle.
She may have a DH, they may have an interest only mortgage, she may have never had a credit card etc and so the money you use paying it back is what she saves for trips away.

Loads of people will have it better than you but many more will have it worse.
Just focus on yourself and own happiness else you’ll drive yourself mad.

Good for her is what I say.

This. The salary of one partner in a marriage is just one of multiple factors, especially in a society where age and inherited wealth make a huge difference. Region too, so even if two people live in the same area now, if one of them has equity from a more expensive region of the country to play with, that could make a huge difference.

Plus stuff like age and stage make a massive difference. And dumb luck. I happened to apply for a new mortgage rate in late 2021, in the final days of the artificially low rate period. Took a long fix due to idleness, as I don't enjoy all the pissing about involved in sorting these things. The version of me whose rate happened to run out a year later would be paying more for the same thing.

I don't think travel is necessarily a good barometer either. Some of the things mentioned are inherently quite expensive, but they aren't all. Ryanair flights, hand luggage, staying with a friend or somewhere very cheap half an hour outside the city... these things can make a big difference.

Sbe could have inherited from other family such as GP. Or a lottery win!

Well we all have different back stories. I have a quite modest wage as a TA and my DH is a HGV driver. However being older than lots of my colleagues I am fortunate to have bought my first house (mortgage with my sibling) 35 years ago for the princely sum of £40,000. Then unfortunately both my DPs passed so I received a modest inheritance. I am now mortgage free, where as lots of my colleagues are still paying rent/ mortgage for houses that cost considerably more. We by no means live lavishly, but are comfortable. I wonder if any of my colleagues feel the same as you OP. ( We only go to Europe for a week's holiday once a year btw)