AIBU to be baffled by colleague on same wage living lavishly?

[Cherryred2]

AIBU to think that some people are so unaffected by the COL and to find it strange. A woman at work is just living a life that seems so alien to me and the others. She is just back from a weekend in London (not for any reason), went to a show, had dinners, shopping spree etc. last year bought a new house and a new car!! Is doing a Disney Paris and Paris holiday this summer! Is going on another trip to Budapest with her sister,spa weekend with her mum and sister, a few days to Rome with her DS because “he loves history and would love to see the colleseum and is thinking of where to go with her dd because she has to make it fair. I asked her if she had plans this weekend and they were out for dinner Friday night and Saturday night for two different celebrations. I’m constantly thinking WTF! The crazy thing is we earn the same which is approximately 50k, I mentioned a credit card last year and she said “oh no I don’t do credit cards, never had one, I hate them, I’m so fearful of debt, mortgage is my only debt and I overpay on that!” I’m baffled!

Yes, this. We go on regular holidays which we pay in installments, but my friend regularly says how she'd love a holiday but can't afford it. Meanwhile, her and her husband spend a fortune each month on unnecessarily expensive contracts for the latest phones and smart watches, which work out more expensive monthly than our installments for the holidays.

I have colleagues who earn less than I do who live more lavishly than I do, however our situations outside of work are very different! I’m single so nobody to share bills with, most of my colleagues have partners who are the main breadwinner so household income is much higher than mine.

Also just because parents and in laws are alive doesn’t mean there can’t have been inheritance, I have a friend who has twice received inheritance, once from a great aunt and then from an uncle. Another friend was left a large amount of inheritance from grandparents who skipped a generation in the will, her parents didn’t get anything it all went to her, her sibling and cousins. If your parents are well off they may also choose to gift you money towards things like house deposits whilst alive, I wouldn’t have been able to buy my house if my parents hadn’t kindly gifted me the money for the deposit.

Well for comparison of people affording different things on the same salaries the first £50k I earn goes on my mortgage 😫

Not necessarily. I know a lot of people who work in education with high earner spouses ... you'd be surprised.

I also know people whose own parents died relatively young and they've inherited quite a bit at young ages.

The lifestyles of all of these people are quite similar to what the OP has posted ...

Why obviously - you know nothing about her?

I have this from colleagues - some who earn more than me but the general thought seems to be that I am loaded (No one seems to be shy about telling me this which really pisses me off) and assume my dh earns a fortune and 'keeps' me. (He doesn't).
I don't buy coffee or lunch every day, I only buy something if I really want it, I save every penny I can without making myself miserable. That may be very little one month or a bit more the next. I don't save FOR something, I save INCASE I want something. I sell clothes etc that I no longer want. I do prolific surveys. I take advantage of sales and bargains.
You just have to decide what your priorities are.

Yes - what I find baffling are these types of threads. How can anyone afford to (insert thing) when i am struggling. People must know that other people have different incomes and lives than they do surely? What people are really saying is I want to be told that she's doing something nefarious so that I can feel better about my life and not being able to afford what they can.

I'm currently living on such a low income a lot of MNers would wonder how I'm not on the streets...

If I suddenly got 50k a year - even accounting for tax - I'd be able to afford the things mentioned in OP. And that's before being able to split costs with a DH! (I don't have one!)

Some of us know how to budget very well. Amazed the thread has only a few posters pointing this out.

I wouldn't mind so much but so many who earn well look down on those on benefits and think they are rolling in it. Nope - just budgeting in a way so many apparently can't comprehend!

I also find the debt assumption bizarre.

do people really think it’s possible to just go through life accumulating more and more and more debt without it coming to an end? No debt, no matter how poor quality is endless. You will obvious get to a point (quickly- within years) where no one will lend you any more and you are struggling to make repayments.

how does it even work in people’s minds that normal working salaried people can take out debt every time they want a holiday, car, shopping trip, and it never catches up?

Could be that she has a trust fund from grandparents, parents are buying / paying for things to avoid inheritance tax. Having no debt means you aren’t paying fees in the form of interest to service said debt. I save £200 a month for my next car (own mine outright and always have) it’s a discipline that not everyone can do, and don’t mean afford, it jeans when mine finally gives up the ghost I will buy a car outright up to the amount I have (currently on £15k hoping it will last 5 more years). The trips you mentioned may not be that expensive, bat the actual Disney tickets because those who are good at finding cheap flights and accommodation can make money go much further, all those holidays combined are likely cheaper than a week in school holidays in a bog standard ai, and my money’s on her mum paying for the spa trip

😂 does this make you feel better? So she definitely didn’t inherit from her aunt, her husband definitely doesn’t have a well paid job, she definitely didn’t have a lottery won at any stage. It’s debt.

👏👏👏👏👏

We are a bit similar, no mortgage or debt - husband retired from main job and does a related low paid admin role 4 days a week. We went to New York business class flights, Salcombe, Rome , Berlin and London last year and he had a new car - nothing very flashy. I wonder if people are thinking about him ooh is he in debt/drug dealer/ family money - none of those. He has a decent pension and I earn c100k so we have a few thousand spare every month. Never assume you know other people's finances - yes some will have maxed out cards etc, a lot will not.

Some people are good with budgeting. They prioritise holidays over other things. She’s probably not spending much otherwise other DGP might’ve left her in a nest egg.

I have a friend who has an okay job in a bank. Her parents bought her an apartment in a nice area, they also paid for her car and cover insurance and all the boring monthly expenses. Her lifestyle therefore doesn’t match her salary at all. She has never had a credit card or any debt.

i also have a few friends who have never had a mortgage - they were given houses as wedding presents.

I don’t compare my finances with anyone because you never know what is going on behind closed doors and life isn’t a competition.

Not buying avocado toast and frappamappacinnos ?

I have to admit, there are several women at my DH's workplace who occasionally prod and poke at my DH, because they can't see how we can be in a lovely little cottage in an upper middle class village, have a new-ish car, put 2 DC through University, have 2-3 holidays a year, and go for lunch twice a month, and go on lots of day trips throughout the year. (With him working 26 hours a week, and me 20.... We are both nearly 60.)

There was one occasion where 3 of them were discussing it at length when DH was not there 'how can Dave and Zov afford their lives on 2 part time wages?' (Another colleage overheard them and told him.) He just laughed and said to them that it had got back to him, and he said 'wouldn't YOU like to know?!'

Me personally, I was fuming. I said 'how nosey and intrusive. What the hell has it got to do with them?!'

Same response to you @Cherryred2 What has it got to do with you? Nothing! There's a multitude of things it could be. None of them are your business.

I work part time but have fantastic holidays, just come back from Jamaica, beautiful home, good skincare, anything I can possibly want but i also have a property i rent out , don’t pay bills and a husband that can earn my months wage in a day .
Just because you can see the face of her life you don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes .
Don’t compare yourself to her as you’ll take away all the joy from your own life .

Lucky her, I’ve yet to win a single thing with Calvin and Leanne 😂 My friend has won World Cup tickets tho

People get given money by relatives in advance of them dying, so just because her parents are alive it doesn't mean that she hasn't received any money from them.

My friend got given a mortgage free house by her parents so anything she earned she could spend on treats.

I’ll bite as I’m bored waiting for a train.

I always find threads like this strange and amusing because the answer is always the same - that other person has lower outgoings than you. Why is that so hard to grasp? You don’t need a degree in mathematics to work that out.

How can you be baffled? Her DH could earn shedloads or have inherited.

It is really odd to assume that just because she earns the same as you her lifestyle should be the same.

I am sure people wonder how I afford my lifestyle as a single woman, but most colleagues aren’t aware that I massively downsized from a large four bed house to a tiny cottage several years ago and use the equity to fund my holidays and other extravagances.

I wouldn’t say this was lavish, short breaks don’t need to cost loads and most holidays can be paid up, I’ve just had 4 days in Budapest, grand total of £500 for 2ppl, lovey hotel.

Maybe they are just good with money.
Budget well save well live well.

I earn a similar salary and am a bit 😱 about the cost of all that. No way could I do all that however

1. with a high earning husband we probably could technically do all
2. we are lucky enough to have paid off our mortgage due to a series of fortunate circumstances. If you no longer have a mortgage financials suddenly look a lot rosier
3. we are very financially cautious and save a lot. I know a lot of people are spenders instead which presumably means their own kids stand to inherit a lot less. Everyone treats money differently.