Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if she overstepped the boundary or if I’m being unreasonable?

110 replies

Starinthesky1 · 28/03/2026 19:32

One of my clients (I’m a hairdresser) rang me out of the blue last night on my personal mobile (clients do have my mobile but they usually just ring the salon number and this particular client has never rang my mobile before so her number wasn’t saved in my phone so I just answered as it was a mobile number and didn’t know who it was at first) outside of work hours (she rang at 7pm) crying asking if I had time for a chat. I said I did and had a long chat with her, ended up on the phone for over 90 minutes. This isn’t a client I’ve previously been friends with, I do her hair but I mean we don’t have a friendship outside of that. She is basically having a tough time at the moment and could do with a friend/some support. I’m happy to support her but my DH thinks she overstepped the boundary because she’s a client and if I’m honest I did feel a bit uncomfortable at first when she called me last night but I am happy to support her. She has an appointment with me on Tuesday (she had this appointment booked before her call last night) so she could have spoke to me then too. Like I said, I am happy to support her but I do wonder if DH is right that she has possibly overstepped the boundary as I did feel a bit uncomfortable at first when she called. Has she overstepped the boundary or am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 28/03/2026 19:36

I wouldn't like that at all, given she isn't your friend and you have a client/professional relationship.
I would probably block her number, or not answer if she rings again. Although I would probably wait and see what she has to say on Tuesday first.

Itsmetheflamingo · 28/03/2026 19:37

I don’t think she can overstep a boundary- she was clearly desperate and maybe dialling anyone for a chat.

if you didn’t like it (and I’d hate it) the obvious thing to do would be to control/ manage the conversation yourself - ie end it, which you didn’t.

so no professional issue, but I think you need to work out how to take the lead next time

StormyLandCloud · 28/03/2026 19:40

I can’t say I’d phone my hairdresser but I guess you discuss all sorts with them and mine knows my life inside out lol … speak to her Tuesday and maybe find out what the issue is, if she’s not already explained in that call .. it doesn’t hurt to give someone some support, no matter who they are. If she’s asks for money though say no lol

FMc208 · 28/03/2026 19:40

She’s a human being first a foremost, I would listen to any human being that reached out to me for a chat when they’re going through a tough time regardless of who they were.

We’re always telling people to talk when they’re going through a tough time, you might
be the only person in the world she feels
able to talk to. Does your DH lack empathy?!

Favouritefruits · 28/03/2026 19:42

It’s a tough one, personally I’d rather a person ring me in their hour of need I’d never want anybody to feel alone and have nobody to talk to but if you’re not comfortable with that sort of thing it’s not ok.

you’ve rightly not gone into detail about the persons issues but if she was suicidal wouldn’t you rather she picked up the phone to you who she obviously knew she could trust??

Original poster
Starinthesky1 · 28/03/2026 19:42

She hasn’t asked me for money.

OP posts:
TheCurious0range · 28/03/2026 19:43

I think if she's so desperate to talk to someone she calls her hairdresser who isn't a friend and doesn't know her very well, I'd be quite concerned about her

Sassylovesbooks · 28/03/2026 19:44

My hairdresser has been looking after my hair since 2012, we have lovely chats when I visit her home salon. I like her, her eldest was a student at the school I work at and her youngest is currently a student. However, she's not a close friend of mine, and I'd never call her for personal reasons. I'm her client, we don't socialise together and she provides a service (a fabulous one!) that I pay her for.

Your husband is correct. This woman is your client, she isn't a person you'd consider a close friend, no matter how much you might like her. She shouldn't have called you on your personal mobile, and put you in an awkward position.

I'd be inclined to let this incident go. Make sure you store her number in your personal mobile, and if she calls you again, I'd ignore the call. You would then need to gently tell her that you're her hairdresser, and as much as you like her as a person, you're not equipped to help her.

Original poster
Starinthesky1 · 28/03/2026 19:44

Whilst I’m happy to support her I think it’s going to mean having to support her a lot because she basically told me she’s going through a very tough time in her life with lots of personal issues and family issues all at the same time and she has been messaging/calling me a bit since she called me last night too. She didn’t mention self harm or being suicidal to me on the phone last night but some of what she said was similar to how another friend spoke a few years ago when they were in that state of mind. I did feel a bit uncomfortable at first on the phone last night to be honest and DH is adamant he thinks she has overstepped the boundary.

OP posts:
Original poster
Starinthesky1 · 28/03/2026 19:46

I am concerned about her and that’s why I’ve said I’m happy to support her but I did feel a little uncomfortable to be honest. And I think DH is making me uncomfortable too to be honest because he keeps saying she’s crossed a boundary and he thinks I should tell her that.

OP posts:
Sassylovesbooks · 28/03/2026 19:49

Starinthesky1 · 28/03/2026 19:44

Whilst I’m happy to support her I think it’s going to mean having to support her a lot because she basically told me she’s going through a very tough time in her life with lots of personal issues and family issues all at the same time and she has been messaging/calling me a bit since she called me last night too. She didn’t mention self harm or being suicidal to me on the phone last night but some of what she said was similar to how another friend spoke a few years ago when they were in that state of mind. I did feel a bit uncomfortable at first on the phone last night to be honest and DH is adamant he thinks she has overstepped the boundary.

Edited

Ah, I think you're going to have to say something to her. I know it's awkward and you probably feel bad for her. Doesn't she have anyone else she can talk too? You don't want to be drained emotionally, by someone else's problems.

JLou08 · 28/03/2026 19:49

How does she have your personal mobile number? If someone gave me their mobile number, I'd assume we were friends. You need to put clear boundaries in yourself, and that should start with not giving clients your personal number.

Silverbirchleaf · 28/03/2026 19:50

I agree with your husband. It may sound harsh, but she’s a client, not a friend. Either she called you because she dialled the wrong number by accident, was desperate, or her usual contacts/friends are fed of her so are ignoring her.

Don’t get sucked into her drama. I know you said she’s having a hard time, and you want to help, but that’s how these situations start. Refer her to the gp, Samaritans, council etc if she needs help.

i don’t think you need to explicitly say to her that she’s crossed a boundary, but just don’t respond to her demands. However, you say you’re ’happy to help’, so feel it may be too late, and she’s sucked you in already.

Original poster
Starinthesky1 · 28/03/2026 19:52

She did seem very desperate on the phone last night and was in a really bad way and she couldn’t stop crying. I am happy to support her I think but DH is insisting I shouldn’t.

OP posts:
newornotnew · 28/03/2026 19:52

Your DH is right you could use some clear professional boundaries.

Original poster
Starinthesky1 · 28/03/2026 19:52

JLou08 · 28/03/2026 19:49

How does she have your personal mobile number? If someone gave me their mobile number, I'd assume we were friends. You need to put clear boundaries in yourself, and that should start with not giving clients your personal number.

My business card has both the salon number on it and my mobile number.

OP posts:
Itsmetheflamingo · 28/03/2026 19:53

You don’t need to support her OP. It’s ok to put yourself first

MaggieBsBoat · 28/03/2026 19:53

She may have but if someone does then its on the person whose boundaries who have been overstepped to put them clearly in place. You didn’t say anything so I can’t help but feel like it’s on you. If she was desperate and not thinking straight (I cannot imagine calling someone who wasn’t a friend otherwise) then how can she know unless you ensure she does.

Holdinguphalfthesky · 28/03/2026 19:55

I think you can reinstate the boundary (that she’s broken). You can say look, I don’t think I’m the right person to help you with [this], here is a number for [a counsellor/samaritans/similar]. I’d love to do your hair and help you that way, but I’m not a counsellor.

ATEOTD you don’t actually know what support looks like to this woman and from her calling out of the blue and then messaging you as well, after, she sounds quite full on and needy. You can disengage with kindness, and if she’s reasonable she’ll see that you’re right to do that.

Anewerforest · 28/03/2026 19:56

Its not unusual for a vulnerable person to start to depend on anyone who takes care of them and is kind even just for an hour or so. Tricky for you l because her need of you may increase the more you meet it. You may need to tell her that though you care about her and sympathise, you are not supposed to get too close to your clients so in future you'll only be able to chat during appointments.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 28/03/2026 19:57

JLou08 · 28/03/2026 19:49

How does she have your personal mobile number? If someone gave me their mobile number, I'd assume we were friends. You need to put clear boundaries in yourself, and that should start with not giving clients your personal number.

I have my hairdressers personal number (as do all her clients) but I only use it if I have to query or change an appointment.

I personally wouldn't be happy about this OP and I would probably use her next appointment to gently talk about boundaries and that your number is only really for business purposes.

donotmissyourchancetoblow · 28/03/2026 19:57

She was obviously desperate and you were kind to let her talk and listen to her. My concern would be that the level of support she is looking for may increase and you may not be comfortable or confident enough to deal with it. Essentially she is an acquaintance at best and you might end up receiving a lot more calls for help going forward. I’d want to say I was happy to help in her immediate crisis but look for other areas of support so she doesn’t lean on you too much

Tink3rbell30 · 28/03/2026 19:57

She was obviously very low and desperate. It's lovely of you to listen and help her. When someone commits suicide there's always so much talk of "Always speak to someone" etc but then so many just don't care and don't want to listen. I'm sure she was very grateful for your care.

Silverbirchleaf · 28/03/2026 19:57

Starinthesky1 · 28/03/2026 19:52

She did seem very desperate on the phone last night and was in a really bad way and she couldn’t stop crying. I am happy to support her I think but DH is insisting I shouldn’t.

Think about it, why did she phone her hairdresser? You’re a virtual stranger to her. If she’s in a bad way, what can you realistically do? What you need to do is advise her to speak to her GP, get counselling, phone the Samaritans (who are trained to deal with this situation), phone 111 (who could provide mental health support) etc.

Lurkingandlearning · 28/03/2026 19:59

Deleted m

Swipe left for the next trending thread