To ask if she overstepped the boundary or if I’m being unreasonable?

[Starinthesky1]

One of my clients (I’m a hairdresser) rang me out of the blue last night on my personal mobile (clients do have my mobile but they usually just ring the salon number and this particular client has never rang my mobile before so her number wasn’t saved in my phone so I just answered as it was a mobile number and didn’t know who it was at first) outside of work hours (she rang at 7pm) crying asking if I had time for a chat. I said I did and had a long chat with her, ended up on the phone for over 90 minutes. This isn’t a client I’ve previously been friends with, I do her hair but I mean we don’t have a friendship outside of that. She is basically having a tough time at the moment and could do with a friend/some support. I’m happy to support her but my DH thinks she overstepped the boundary because she’s a client and if I’m honest I did feel a bit uncomfortable at first when she called me last night but I am happy to support her. She has an appointment with me on Tuesday (she had this appointment booked before her call last night) so she could have spoke to me then too. Like I said, I am happy to support her but I do wonder if DH is right that she has possibly overstepped the boundary as I did feel a bit uncomfortable at first when she called. Has she overstepped the boundary or am I being unreasonable?

It might not even be her motive but this is 100% where it will end up. What will you say if she says “I’m so depressed because I look and feel awful but I can’t afford to pay you”? My best guess is she’s already planning that.

That is why your DH is saying have boundaries. You have a professional relationship. If you want a personal one, fine. You just can’t have both in these circumstances.

I'd say you did, actually. Not her.

She doesn't need to have boundaries, you do. You're the professional. You set your boundaries.

You should have a) not given out your personal number b) ended the conversation or made sure the "chat" was about her hair before you let her start.

Don't get me wrong, I'd probably do the same as I am a pushover. But it would be my fault, not hers.

If she comes for her appointment on Tuesday, I'd go in armed with some Samaritans leaflets and direct her there.

DH was still sulking over it this morning

I guess she has overstepped, but also she must see you as someone she feels she can trust. It’s nice that you’ve been messaging back etc, because it’s obviously what she needs.

I can understand your partners point of view, but he is being mega over the top about it. You can message whoever you like!

Respectfully, she can’t rock up with a load of Samaritan leaflets 🤣.

Why not? Following their conversations, she can easily say that she’s considered their conversations, and printed out organisations that could help her , then pass over an envelope of the print outs.

To me, it sounds as though your husband is trying to protect you. As a therapist, I have professional support to manage situations like this, and have clear professional boundaries. And as a friend to many people, I would act differently, because it’s a different relationship. The problem here is that this is not a friend you care about nor is it a therapist relationship. You don’t know the toll this is likely to take on you, or what the expectation is. You don’t even really seem to know her.
I think you need to be really careful about what you give, and how you support yourself, or you could end up causing harm, which is clearly not your intention.
signpost her to someone who can help her, and then for yourself make the choice about whether to carry on doing her hair.

Are you going to share anything else? Or just drop comments about your DH sulking at you? What have you done and said?

Precisely. Or, since it's a hairdressers, just have them out on a table

How did the hair appointment go today?