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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

siblings sharing a bedroom

59 replies

Jo15 · 18/06/2008 13:51

My husband and I are very keen to have a third child and the only thing that is holding me back is space. We live in a 3 bed house and currently dd1 (age 5) and dd2 (age 2)have their own rooms and all works well. If we had another baby dd1 and dd2 would have to share a bedroom - and all rooms are on the small side. We have the potential to build an extension to give us a fourth bedroom but unfortunately I cannot imagine a time when we will have the funds available to actually build it. I would be grateful for any advice on siblings sharing and whether it would be okay as they get older if we cannot build the extension. Would I be too selfish to go ahead and try for a third and not put the needs of the two children I already have first?

OP posts:

Nemoandthefishes · 18/06/2008 13:56

I have a small 3 bed house and we have a ds and 2dds. The 2dds share a room with no problems however there is also only 12mth age gap between them. I would like another dc but this would mean either the girls would have to share a room with someone else or ds small bedroom will be taken up with someone else.Long term plan is to get a loft conversion but that is at least 5yrs off but I digress..so in response they would probably be happy to share a room.

Bronze · 18/06/2008 13:56

My eldest two share a bedroom and its fine. Like you we do plan to have an extension but it ma not happen. Its only in recent time it seems to be expected that everyone has their own room and to be honest if they're close in age and the same sex I don't think its necessary.

cyteen · 18/06/2008 13:58

Does it really matter if they're not the same sex? Genuine question btw - I shared for years with my brother and it was fine.

Zippidy · 18/06/2008 13:58

I am in the same situation - have ds 9 and dd 5. Think it wouldn't be too bad if we had another girl, but can't imagine my ds having to share with a baby at his age!

Would you regret it in a few years if that was the reason for not having a 3rd?

OrmIrian · 18/06/2008 13:59

It's OK. Many children I know have to share - not perfect perhaps but OK. But if I were you I'd put the youngest 2 together regarless of sex. When our second DS was born we decided that the boys (baby and DS#1 who was 6) should share and DD would move into the little room. Now that DS#1 is 11 he is getting mightly p*d off about sharing with a 5 yr old

We intended to get a loft conversion but now as prices are falling are hoping that we might be able to move.

nailpolish · 18/06/2008 13:59

you could get bunk beds. my dd1 has slept ont he top bunk since she was 4 without any problems at all. they love it.

lavenderbongo · 18/06/2008 13:59

I grew up as one of three children and shared with my sister as we were growing up. I think it only becomes an issue if you have a son and daughter sharing as they become teenagers.
My two dds share a room at the moment (aged 3 and 15 months. They get on fine and we actually have a spare room but they seem to get comfort from sharing a room and enjoy it as well.
Hope this helps.

sweetkitty · 18/06/2008 14:00

Jo - I have the exact same problem but went ahead and am about to have DD3. I have 3 bed house DDs have their own room right now but plan is next year they will share (when they are 5 and 3 1/2) and baby will have DD2's smaller room. Again we have the potential to build another bedroom but don't know when we will have the finances.

I would like them to have their own bedrooms for the teenage years though but under 10 or 12 I think it's fine.

I'm fed up with people saying "oh you will have to move now?" these are older people who shared rooms with 3 other siblings.

HappyNewYearFeet06 · 18/06/2008 14:01

Aaaaah, this another argument in our house.

When our 3rd dc was born we were lucky to move into a 4 bed house so all the children have their own rooms as dh always says that the children should have their own room. However, I always shared with my eldest sister when we lived at home and even when my son was born and I still lived at home, he was in with us aswell.

There were 7 children in my mums family in a 3 bed house.

Sharing is fine and it is more to do with living space as the bedroom is mainly for sleeping really, maybe a bit of playing.

I would quite happily let my 2 dd's share if another baby arrived.

misdee · 18/06/2008 14:02

we have a 3bedroom palce and will have 4 children. dd1+2 are going to share a room, and dd3 wil lshare with the little one.

mustsleep · 18/06/2008 14:03

i can;t see a prob get some bunkbeds at least they'll be a bedroom for each gender

i am currently expecting my thirs when we were ttc we were planning to move into a 3 bed but as the market has changed so much this year we are stuck in a 2 bed!!

the baby will be in with you for a while anyway - could you convert your loft? it may be cheaper than having a full extention

we are splitting the bedrooms as it is two large rooms so will have three small rooms but may do the loft at a later date

failing that we are going to buy ds1 (6) a tent and he can sleep in the back garden

kslatts · 18/06/2008 14:06

We have 2 dd's aged 8 and 6, we have 3 bedrooms but they share a room, they decided they would rather share a room and it's handy having the 3rd room as a spare room.

I don't think it is selfish trying for another baby, the 2 children you already have don't need to have their own rooms.

Original poster

Jo15 · 18/06/2008 14:08

Thank you all for your messages. I hadn't thought of putting the younger two in together. dd1 is quite keen to share with dd2 as she gets quite scared at night and when we have people visiting she shares with dd2 and never wants to move back to her own room. Problem is I am such a worrier and a bit of a pessimist so always imagine the worst that could happen so that hopefully then what happens in reality won't be nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I take a lot of comfort from your messages though and perhaps sharing wouldn't be so bad after all. I come from a family of 3 girls and always thought I would have 3 children so I think I will always feel something is missing if I don't even try.

OP posts:

sweetkitty · 18/06/2008 14:13

My DD1 has already picked out the bunk beds and her duvet cover, she says she hates sleeping alone and wants DD2 to come in with her.

When I was younger I always had my own room but felt lonely and always wanted a sister to share with (not sure of reality though)

BigBadMouse · 18/06/2008 14:14

We have DD1 who has just turned 4, DD2 who has just turned 2 and DS who is 3 weeks.

Our house is a 250 year old tiny cottage and has 2.5 bedrooms. DDs share the .5 bedroom which has a ceiling height of 5'10 and is about 6' x 8' overall with a sloping ceiling. They chose that room themselves and have bunkbeds. They love it and I am very surprised how well they got on sharing as DD1 needs lots of sleep and DD2 is still waking several times a night. DD1 manages to sleep through all DD2s coughing when she has croup (pretty often). When we go away they insist on sharing a room

There is a man in our village who grew up in our house and he had 6 siblings - they were all very happy here. We cannot extend and I know if we can't afford to move in the future the DDs will be fine sharing (although they w getill the bigger bedroom if they prefer when they are bigger).

Three is fantastic btw - I'd say go for it, I doubt you'll regret it.

AtheneNoctua · 18/06/2008 14:28

I think it is good for syblings to share a room. Helps them learn to share and makes them closer syblings.

My two share a room so that we can provide a room for the live-in nanny. I have a DS and a DD. This will have to be altered soon because I don't really think co-ed sharing is ideal as they get older. We might have to sacrifice the office in the next year or two. But, if they were both girls or both boys I'd be happy to leave them in one room for along time.

Bronze · 18/06/2008 14:33

Cyteen- Not sure if you were asking me or not. I was thinking long term really if the extension (mine or ops) didnt go to plan then I don't think its a good idea for male and female siblings to share as teens. I'm not even sure if its legal. Anyone know?

nooka · 18/06/2008 14:34

It's worth checking out clever bedroom furniture. We got "L" shaped bunk beds, which work really well, and there are some great storage options too. Even quite small rooms can be made to fit two children without too much compromise. I think you should have a good few years before it's an issue, and who knows what will happen in the future. Sharing a bedroom isn't a huge (or unusual) issue.

GeoffWode · 18/06/2008 14:35

Reading this thread with interest. We have a DD(3) and DS(22months) and are moving from a three bedroom house to a two bedroom house on Saturday. EEeek. Slightly nervous about them keeping each other awake. On the other hand, I remember wanting to share a room with my little sister, and loved e.g. being on holiday when we had a room together.

stroppyknickers · 18/06/2008 14:35

we have just put ds(5) and ds(2) in together anf after initial overexcitement etc it is great. Toys in one place, one room to tidy etc. Wd def recommend it.

cyteen · 18/06/2008 14:39

Thanks for that Bronze I guess I'm just interested generally, as it was such a long time ago that I was sharing, and am unlikely to have sharing kids of my own for some time. I agree that co-ed sharing as teens is not a good idea - when we reached a certain age my mum took over the living room as her bedroom so that we could have a room each (two-bed council flat).

Fufulina · 18/06/2008 14:40

Apparently, there is no legal age limit in the UK for boy and girl siblings to share, but social services recommend separate rooms at 8... (Yahoo answers, so not sure how reliable).

Love2bake · 18/06/2008 14:47

We have a 3 bed house and have two boys. Until recently they had a room each but just last week we moved them both in the small room (bunk-beds).

We are now in the process of turning the other bigger room into a play / family room.

My boys wanted to share and really love it.

LuLuBai · 18/06/2008 14:56

We're planning to put No2 in with DD when born. In the smallest room in the house! When they are old enough we think we'll squeeze a bunk bed in there. That will leave a 3rd bedroom free as a spare room and play room (with one of those clever day beds from Ikea that looks like a sofa and cleverly converts into a double while still having storage underneath - genius)

I think DD will like having someone in with her and hopefully be more content in her room than she is now. She prefers to sleep with someone else around - the only way I can get her to nap during the day is on the sofa downstairs while I potter about doing the washing up, laundry MN etc.

Mungarra · 18/06/2008 14:57

My two boys like sharing now. They are 5 and 3, but I'm glad our house is big enough that they don't have to do it when they're older.

I think teenagers need more space and privacy than young children.

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