siblings sharing a bedroom

[Jo15]

My husband and I are very keen to have a third child and the only thing that is holding me back is space. We live in a 3 bed house and currently dd1 (age 5) and dd2 (age 2)have their own rooms and all works well. If we had another baby dd1 and dd2 would have to share a bedroom - and all rooms are on the small side. We have the potential to build an extension to give us a fourth bedroom but unfortunately I cannot imagine a time when we will have the funds available to actually build it. I would be grateful for any advice on siblings sharing and whether it would be okay as they get older if we cannot build the extension. Would I be too selfish to go ahead and try for a third and not put the needs of the two children I already have first?

[Nemoandthefishes]

you might find they all bunk in together..Ds will often go and sleep with the dds in their room even if its only on an airbed. He actually spent 4mths doing this after we were broken into before christmas because he was scared.

[MrsJamin]

I shared a room with my sister until I was about 8 and she was 10 - never did us any harm!

[silvercrown]

I had a friend who lived in a 2 bed and her daughters 15 and 3 had to share. My dd1 and dd2 share a room and dd1 is incredibly messy and dd2 ends up doing all the cleaning and tidying up (when I refuse!!) so that is a sticking point and she wants her own room but dd1 is quite happy with the current arrangement!! In fact though she is 10 I think she likes sharing her room and has said she's not bothered about a room of her own. I think she sleeps better knowing dd2 is there with her.

[Psychomum5]

all ours share.

well, no, not quite true. we have extended now and have gone from 3 to 4 bedrooms, so DD1 now has her own room, but DD2 and DD3 are together, as are both the boys, and it is (mostly) ok.

in fact, I sometimes come up to bed to find all five in one room having a huge camp together! (so I do wonder why we have so many bedrooms)

the only time now that it gets annoying is when one messes the room up.....DD2 is a little messy (well, a lot in fact), yet DD3 is rather OCD about being neat!!!

makes for some interesting girlie fights I can tell you....

[hana]

bronze - why wouldn't it be legal for teenage brother and sisters to share? Not ideal maybe but illegal just sounds so nannystate. Although maybe it's true for council housed families.

[StealthPolarBear]

my grandarents had my dad & his 2 brothers in a 1 bed house

[me23]

my friend is in a 1 bedroom flat with 3 kids 2 boys and 1 girl. also my cousin has 3 girls in one room as she only has a 2 bedroom house. lots of people don't have the luxury of a bedroom each. 2 sharing sounds like luxury to me. good luck with ttc

[BagelBird]

My 5 and 7yr old share - they love sharing. We were talking about moving house so they could have a room each/have another child. DD1 cried and said that she never ever wanted to have her own room and wanted one of the rooms to be a playroom and the other to be a room with bunkbeds!
I think they are closer for sharing a room. As there is limited space/money, we often buy joint toys/games etc and we don?t have that much that is properly "owned" by one specific child apart from a couple of bears. This helps cut down on the fighting. Definitely try to avoid the "mine" and "yours" thing and foster the idea of sharing as much as possible.
As 1 of 3 girls who shared 2 rooms between us, I did have a head start at the avoiding certain amount of shared room strife:
One thing that helped - they each have a special "no touch" shelf they put their own things on. Other than that, they can borrow or play with everything without the "she took my XXX" scenario. Works well. We also put a high up double thick door stopper thing so they can never ever shut the door on each other! Sisters and doors... best avoided! The only time that they are allowed to have the room to themselves IF they wish is when they have a friend over, then the sibling stays downstairs. Although at the moment they are pretty good at allowing each other to play along.

[Jo15]

The "no touch" shelf is such a good idea. Will keep that in mind as well as keeping one downstairs when the other has a friend over. They already have many joint things as space is quite tight. Some brilliant suggestions - thanks.

[pointydog]

ach, go ahead. They'll just have to get used to it, so they will

[IlanaK]

I am in a three bed flat. My two boys (aged 4 and almost 7) share a room and have done for about 2 years now. They love it. I am about to have ds number 3 and they are really disappointed that the baby will not be sharing their room!

Personally, as we have the space, I don't like the idea of having a baby in with the older ones - too disruptive. But once they are old enough to be sleeping reliably and staying in their own bed, then I think its great for them to share.

I have already said to oldest ds that one day he might like to have the smaller room all to himself and ds2 and ds3 would share, but he is not at all keen on this idea and wants all three of them in together!

We also do the sharing of toys thing. They do have some of their own personal posessions and they keep special things in cloth pockets that hang over the sides of their bunk bed. But overall, I have insisted from the start that they share toys and this has worked well.

[4andnotout]

We have 3 dd's (6,3 9 months) and another dd due in October, dd's 1&2 share a large bedroom and when dd4 is old enough to go into a room without us she will share with dd3. DD3's bedroom is the box room but tbh they only sleep in their rooms they rarely play in there, they play downstairs in the living room.

[Elkat]

My two DDs share a room. We could let them have seperate bedrooms, but choose to put them together and they love it. They get up and play together in the morning, and my youngest (1.5) won't go to sleep unless her big sister (4.5) is there. They absolutely adore each other and I'm sure sharing a room contributes to that. So no, I have no hesitations in doing that. The only thing I would say is to make sure that you have got a plan for when they will need their own space (the teenage years), whether that is an extension, attic conversion or garage conversion, I think it is important for kids to have their own space in the teenage years, but until then it is nice for them to share, even preferable in my situation!

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

pretty much what others have said- my 2 dds share a room and seem to like it, I feel happy that they always know there is someone else there when they wake up in the night. I was an only child and I would have loved someone to share and giggle with. I'm sure they will want their own space when they are older, but until then all their mess can stay in one room!

[PInkyminkyohnooo]

We will be having another baby in november, and he/she will share with our youngest (DD) regardless of gender.

Our eldest is only 3 so not a big age gap between them, so if we have a boy we may put them in the bigger room a few yeasr down the line.

We do have large attic but that's my studio and I really don't want to give it up! Maybe when we have 3 teenagers DH and I will escape up there!

[magicfarawaytree]

all three of mine 6 5 nd nearly 4 share a room even though they could all have a good sized bedroom of their own. The reason for it is, I hope, it will promote bonding between them. That time between sleep and being out to bed i remember fondly from my own childhood. also we want to make a big deal of it when they finally get their own rooms. its not for everyone but that how it works for us.

[buzzcocks]

My sister and I shared a bedroom until we were 12, then we moved in to a three bedroom house. had trouble sleeping on my own, in fact I had trouble sleeping in the big room. it worked for us.

[PInkyminkyohnooo]

I'm finding all this very reassuring- my sister HATED having to share with me.

[sunnydelight]

DS2 was 4 1/2 when DD was born and they shared for three years. I gave them the biggest room and put a moveable screen down the middle which gave them each just as much space as their brother had in the smallest bedroom. We took the second biggest room which was fine - I don't think adults need a bedroom other than a space to sleep tbh. DS1 is 5 1/2 years older than his brother and was used to his own space, so I didn't think that getting him to share for the first time age 9 would work. If the age/gender thing had been different I would have no problem getting kids to share long term - I did with my sister until I was 16.

[ChirpyGirl]

I don't think there is a problem with the sharing, if the older2 are happyto then either way round is fine.
I shared with my sisters, myparents built a house with the spareroom when I was littlebut I stillshared with my 2 of my older sisters.Wehad wide bookcases dividing the spaceand usedto pull books out and talk!
When wemoved I regularlyused togo into one my sisters rooms with my little bro and sleep on her floor.

[Bronze]

I love the idea if you have space for each to have a bedroom of putting them in to share then giving them a playroom. Later on they can then have their own rooms if they want. Shame I don't have the space. Also like the no touch shelf. My implement that here. Thanks

[TsarChasm]

My dt's are 6 and have always shared a room.

As they are boy and girl I can foresee a time when they will want/need separate rooms and maybe (prays hard) we will be able to facillitate that by then.

Mind you, I have to say so far they love being together. I think if I gave them their own room each today they would actually be sad to split up.

My older dd who does have her own room often bemoans the fact that 'I am on my own and they have more fun' and 'can I sleep in with them' You can't win can you!

[duchesse]

My daughters (11 and 13) still a lot of the time by choice, even though they each have their own room. They very frequently bunk up together or drag a mattress into the other's room. It's really sweet. I don't know if they'll still like each other's company this much if they had to share though. The times they have had to share (due to having long term house guests), they have marked out a border using elephant tape on the carpet (her side/ my side. Any mess created by one simply got thrown to the owner's side. It seemed to work for 6 months.

[youngbutnotdumb]

My DB was born when I was 8 and from then until I was 16 didn't bother either of us although some of my friends thought it was strange.

[buzzcocks]

My brother was born when I was 8, and then db2 was born when I was 16. I shared with db1and db2 until I left home at 18 (they were 10 and 2) we were fine. But it was a different generation.