AIBU to refuse asking my celebrity friend’s husband for business help?

[Soontobesingles]

I have recently (in last three years) become friendly with a celebrity - her husband is also a celebrity and much much more famous than she is. I’ve met him three times in passing (he was polite but not really interested in me, which is fine).

My husband has never met this woman or her husband, though he knows I know her and have met him. When I say ‘friendly’, she and I have a common interest and meet a few times a year for social occasions, to go to events to do with our interest and we stay in touch by text and social media. She is hardly my best mate and I am very careful not to overstep because I am sure she has a lot of piss takers in her life. She is very nice and I like her company. Our shared interest is also very niche (think Japanese performance art) so it’s nice to have someone to share that with. We don’t discuss personal stuff really beyond the odd story about our kids. Anyway, recently my husband has got it into his head that her husband can do him a favour. Basically he wants her husband to reach out to his contacts that might facilitate a lucrative business deal for my husband. He has asked me to meet up with her to suggest this and arrange a meeting with the four of us. I have said absolutely no way, it’s cringey, embarrassing and would end my friendship. Her husband is obviously not going to set up a business deal for his wife’s weird art friend’s husband. It’s user territory and I don’t want to do it. Anyway my husband won’t let it go and has been going on for weeks. He is currently sulking and refusing to eat dinner with me because ‘I’m putting this woman’s feelings before my family security’ (he thinks he could earn big from the deal). His last thing was that I just want to be a celebrity hanger on and am letting the marriage down. I think I am being normal and he is unhinged, but need an outside perspective. AIBU?

He’s let his head run away with him hasn’t he! He’s obviously not thinking clearly. The sulking and not eating his dinner with you is very unattractive!

This woman would never speak to you again if you did this

And there is no way in hell that she would ask her husband to do this, or that the husband would do it anyway even if by magic she did

Is the celebrity DH Eamonn Holmes

I think they’re separated now?

He is either trying to con you because he should, as a business man, know full well why the guy would not want to endorse a complete stranger, or he is as @SalmonOnFinnCrisp suggested in deep shit and desperately clutching at straws.

Ask to see his last set of accounts and year’s bank statements. If he balks just tell him that would be the first thing the celebrity would ask him. He would probably ask for your husband to tell him his financial standing at that power couple’s dinner he ludicrously imagines could happen.

My attempt at a joke. I’m sure it’s someone much younger and popular x

If you dont ask you dont get,
it appears you think this person is above you just because they are a celebrity (they are not)
why would it be unreasonable for your friend to make friends with your husband and so forth, possibly leading to good business from it?
i dont see the problem
only that you think more of this woman than your husband and social circle combined

It’s worrying how desperate your husband is - red flags

The problem is using an acquaintance as a potential cash generator. I don't tend to use my friends or see them as presenting a money-making opportunity. It's embarrassing at best.

If OP's husband wanted connections with her friend and they were genuine friends and she was in the same business then you might have a point.

However, it's not OP's friend. It's not even OP's friend's husband. It's OP's (not close) friend's, husband's contacts that he wants access to. That's way too remote.

Also, the fact they ARE celebrities puts a more intense spin on it. In that they will be used to people using them, pushing the boundaries, not being truly 'honest' in a desire to be friendly or friends.

The celebs will see people like this coming a mile away.

How utterly cringe. Just tell him you asked her and she flatly refused and looked hurt/shocked someone would ask such a thing. That it was mega embarrassing and you're definitely not raising it again or listening to him begging you to extract money from your mate's husband.

Your husband is embarrassing and definitely being unreasonable

This is possibly a rage bait/troll post? But for the benefit of the doubt:
I am not close to this woman, we socialise around a mutual unusual interest. I cannot imagine I would ask anyone outside of close family for financial favours. Networking for business/career gain is something that has to be done delicately over time. And again I would not bring friendships unconnected to work into trying to elevate myself/my family financially.

In any event, I am not friendly with this woman because of her social status - I’m friendly with her because she is someone with a lot of passion and knowledge about a thing I am also passionate about. That’s where our connection begins and ends. It would be delusional of me to try and capitalise on this in any way and all it would bring is embarrassment for me and the end of a fledging friendship I am enjoying.

In terms of my friend and her DH being ‘above’ me and my DH and our social circle. I would say neither she nor I think of people in that way, everyone is a human being with flaws, issues and also with assets and talents. However - yes, in terms of social status in a hierarchical sense in the ways of society at large, she and her DH are ‘above’ us by some margin: they are wealthy celebrities with multiple properties/investments etc, flying around the world associating with other celebs, sportspeople, politicians and business people and appearing on television and in magazines. My DH and I live in a modest terraced house with a mortgage we are struggling to afford due to inflation and we work all the time to keep a roof over our heads. We socialise mainly with our extended family and friends from the local area. So the idea that we would become close to these people is delusional. I am not putting myself or my husband down by saying that. Neither of us (at least I thought) have ambitions or desires to be rich and famous. We are happy in our own lane doing the jobs we enjoy and spending time with our children.

Sit down at dinner table, oh btw hubby, I asked my friend about DH meeting, she said, F no, not ever... Sorry, I did try

repeat.

Your husband is being mental.

I wouldn't lie and say you've spoken to her about it though. a) I don't think lying in a relationship is generally a good idea and b) he might then think you're open to trying even harder to persuade her. He will think you're on his side about this bonkers idea of trying to squeeze money out of her rich husband.

Don't do this. You'd be endorsing his idea that this is ok.

I met and worked with many celebrities and some politicians in a previous role. (With very few exceptions) they were always perfectly friendly, either in a businesslike or a sociable way. However, any attempt to stretch the boundaries of the situation would make them recoil. They did not behave, or were seen by others, as 'above you'. In fact there tended to be mutual respect, as without people like me making it happen they would not have the event or their audience. However their credentials, connections and capital are under constant unrelenting demand, beside which those of ourselves are inconsequential. That is where the imbalance lies.

Good one!

Oh god he’s being absolutely ridiculous and has no self awareness whatsoever. I am cringing for you!

Seeing as he just isn’t taking the hint I would lie and say yes I’ve spoken to the wife and they did not appreciate being asked about this and want no part of it and they have specifically asked that this is never mentioned again as it has made them feel very uncomfortable.

That might just shut him up

Ohhhh god, no, you are not being unreasonable , he very much is. Asking her would be terrible, so, so cringe and would make things awkward forever.

He's acting insane!

Sounds like your DH is in some sort of pyramid scheme. Don’t get involved. Or try to get anyone else involved. It will not end well.

I feel for you, OP.

There is a thing some people get of seeing celebrities as a sort of public facility that they are entitled to a share in. I have a friend with a very famous father who has described what it's like when they go out together- say she is sitting at a bar with her dad, people will literally come and insert themselves in between them in order to get to him and then seem outraged if they object, as if he owes them something simply in virtue of the fact they know who he is and they're being deprived of something they have a right to by being asked to go away. It's the same phenomenon that sees people slag off celebs they've met as snooty and stuck up when in fact the celebrity has been completely normal, they just haven't been gushingly over-friendly. You think you know them but they don't know you. (Of course some celebs are actually snooty just as some non-celebs are.)

I wonder whether your husband is suffering from a bit of this, OP- feeling he has a right to an introduction because he sees the husband as a sort of public facility he's got a chance of accessing rather than as a human being.

If this carries on i would be tempted to warn the friend. "My husband has daft idea, I have shut it down but if he ever gets hold of my phone and tries it know that I do not support this and you're welcome to be as rude as you like. He's off his rocker. Did you see the latest Japanese dance?"

Make it clear you think he's being an arse but move the subject on so she doesn't feel she needs to say anything. Only you know if this would work though.

I know someone famous, and some people go absolutely daft around those with money/fame. It's odd to witness.

Kind of like awe, mixed with resentment, mixed with entitlement.

You saying anything would be utterly pointless. These people learn to say no very quickly. It would be toe curlingly awful for you, and wouldn't get your husband anywhere anyway.