AIBU to refuse asking my celebrity friend’s husband for business help?

[Soontobesingles]

I have recently (in last three years) become friendly with a celebrity - her husband is also a celebrity and much much more famous than she is. I’ve met him three times in passing (he was polite but not really interested in me, which is fine).

My husband has never met this woman or her husband, though he knows I know her and have met him. When I say ‘friendly’, she and I have a common interest and meet a few times a year for social occasions, to go to events to do with our interest and we stay in touch by text and social media. She is hardly my best mate and I am very careful not to overstep because I am sure she has a lot of piss takers in her life. She is very nice and I like her company. Our shared interest is also very niche (think Japanese performance art) so it’s nice to have someone to share that with. We don’t discuss personal stuff really beyond the odd story about our kids. Anyway, recently my husband has got it into his head that her husband can do him a favour. Basically he wants her husband to reach out to his contacts that might facilitate a lucrative business deal for my husband. He has asked me to meet up with her to suggest this and arrange a meeting with the four of us. I have said absolutely no way, it’s cringey, embarrassing and would end my friendship. Her husband is obviously not going to set up a business deal for his wife’s weird art friend’s husband. It’s user territory and I don’t want to do it. Anyway my husband won’t let it go and has been going on for weeks. He is currently sulking and refusing to eat dinner with me because ‘I’m putting this woman’s feelings before my family security’ (he thinks he could earn big from the deal). His last thing was that I just want to be a celebrity hanger on and am letting the marriage down. I think I am being normal and he is unhinged, but need an outside perspective. AIBU?

If your friend's husband is a genuine celebrity (like internationally well known), then tell your H that he is likely to be tied to very strict clauses in his representation contract as to what he can promote. So, with the best will in the world, it wouldn't be just a small matter of texting a few mates about an opportunity. (I mean, celebs have agents who curate their brand very carefully and it's likely to be true. Just exaggerate the strictness of it. If he wants to pitch his business, your H will have to go through whoever represents the man)

Oh, no, yikes.
The only semi-plausible route would be to offer to pay for the introduction/referral of it comes off. But it doesn’t sound like they need the money.
I’d definitely not do it. Let him sulk.

I know someone who used to date a celeb. Apparently women sent him nude photos of themselves regularly. They spilt up after she found that he'd been keeping his favourite pictures. Grim.

Why does your husband want to destroy your friendships. Is he always controlling

Wont eat dinner with you.
Make your own and leave him to it.

If he really thinks a celebrity would enhance his business then tell him to make his own celebrity friends and watch how quick they drop him when he wants his new friends to do things for him.

I would be questioning his sanity

⬆️ this .

Say you asked but fot a firm "No"

That’s cringe even if they weren’t famous!

You learn a lot about people when you say no to them. Is this his usual reaction when you don't do whatever he says (no matter how unreasonable, or at what cost to you)?

Oof. Do you ever see those videos of people climbing cliff faces without ropes, or doing parkour on top of skyscrapers, and get that horrible fuzzy feeling where your body sort of physically withdraws into itself? I got that same feeling just now from imagining your friend's face as the four of you are ordering drinks and you begin to nervously skirt around your husband's "business proposal".

So sorry @Soontobesingles . What an awful situation for you.

I agree with everyone else though, (and with you) you shouldn't facilitate this madness.

My BFF married a wealthy man and she said that all of a sudden people who had never given her the time of day wanted to know her, would invite her to things etc. Including people who had first of all muttered in her earshot she was a gold digger when she started going out with him. It usually ended up the same way- they wanted her DH to invest in their business; introduce them to someone;etc. All of a sudden even some of her extended family (an Aunt!) decided that my friend's DH could surely prop up the Aunt's failing alpaca hobby farm - to what advantage I have no idea.

She's become more cynical and wary of people as a result. But I have seen her very real upset when someone she thought WAS a friend turned out to be using her for a social and business leg-up by asking her to arrange introductions. I have a recent example in mind where she was asked to ask her DH to put them forward for an exclusive membership club (that CFucker had no relation to at all as it is a club based around a hobby this other person did not even share).

You friend and her husband mostly likely have a highly attuned antenna for users and chancers as you recognise. If your DH is not usually like this, then you are right to be worried about his MH state. I hope you can get to the bottom of it.

I know the exact feeling - it’s what I get whenever DH brings it up! Anyway he’s gone out to work this morning and I’m on the way to the office, so hopefully we can have a sensible chat tonight where I can find out what this is all actually about. He really isn’t dense enough to think this is a plausible opportunity - at least, I hope not!

Government have public procurement processes, they do not mid cycle carry out unplanned procurements unless there is a specific urgent need - eg extreme example covid. If he is seeking government contracts through personal contacts he is deluded - that is absolutely how it does NOT work.

Yes it would not be for me to be in that world! I could not deal with it. But as I said my friend and I don’t really discuss anything like that, we mainly discuss our interest and things related to it. We aren’t close friends so I don’t really have any idea what her marriage or relationship is like, apart from that she seems happy in general and they are often together, and the few occasions I have met him they seemed like a normal couple.

Yes, why is the family’s security so at risk that everything will crumble if he does not get these contacts?
If my dh said that to me I’d wonder what the hell is going on
Doesn’t your husband have a job ?

When you talk again, I think you have to be really clear with him that this woman is a friendly acquaintance, not a full on friend. That there's not a chance that you will ever sit down together as couples over a meal or a coffee, because that simply isn't the kind of relationship that you have.

He does have a job, but we have been struggling with COL like everyone else, and money is tight. Obviously that doesn’t = we are entitled to my friend’s money and contacts. So I have no idea what his thought process is other than somehow hoping that being in the orbit of wealthy people will bring him wealth by proxy. It’s mad!

I have said this. Why would her DH want to spend social time with me and my DH? We are of no interest to him, we are basically strangers off the street. He has an idea this guy would somehow be enamoured of his charm 🤣🤣🤣.

I re-read your first post this morning and realised that this is something that's been trundling on for weeks now, I thought it was a day or two at most!

We all have our moments because we're human, but weeks of this ongoing shite? Fuck no! That's ridiculous and you shouldn't be putting up with that at all.

What's he been like this morning OP?

a bit quiet and sheepish, he didn’t mention it at all but we didn’t really have huge discussions because we were doing the morning routine (we have school aged kids to get ready etc). He went off to work and so did I. I was very firm and clear about not discussing this again before the Big Sulk last night. Will leave it now and broach if he raises it again…will start doing some digging about his finances too.

Your DH sounds delusional, controlling and abusive (sulking).

Could be desperation (e.g. financial woes as PP have said). Could be poor mental health (understandable after two big bereavements). But he has to take responsibility for himself, rather than using (or expecting) you to fix or help with his ideas. Suggest he seeks some therapy to help get perspective.

I might earn your friend that your husband has a bee in his bonnet and it's nothing to do with you, in fact you have been trying to dissuade him. Then if DH tries to introduce himself to her DH and use your connection they will be forearmed.

I suspect they are used to people trying it on and will have a ready reply to politely tell him to get stuffed (possibly via their agent).

You can then tell your DH that you have mentioned it, but they are really not at all interested in new ventures. And would rather neither of you mentioned it again!

People will end their marriages over anything it seems.

Oh dear god no.
I have a famous off-the- telly friend... we met through shared interests - totally get the not wanting to act like a weirdo, its a balance to be sure.
Your husband is way out of line.

This is so funny 🤣 it can’t be true.

You know you're in the right. This is making me cringe inside out. I hope it's his grief talking rather than that he's got into massive financial trouble.

BTW butoh is fucking awesome.