AIBU to refuse asking my celebrity friend’s husband for business help?

[Soontobesingles]

I have recently (in last three years) become friendly with a celebrity - her husband is also a celebrity and much much more famous than she is. I’ve met him three times in passing (he was polite but not really interested in me, which is fine).

My husband has never met this woman or her husband, though he knows I know her and have met him. When I say ‘friendly’, she and I have a common interest and meet a few times a year for social occasions, to go to events to do with our interest and we stay in touch by text and social media. She is hardly my best mate and I am very careful not to overstep because I am sure she has a lot of piss takers in her life. She is very nice and I like her company. Our shared interest is also very niche (think Japanese performance art) so it’s nice to have someone to share that with. We don’t discuss personal stuff really beyond the odd story about our kids. Anyway, recently my husband has got it into his head that her husband can do him a favour. Basically he wants her husband to reach out to his contacts that might facilitate a lucrative business deal for my husband. He has asked me to meet up with her to suggest this and arrange a meeting with the four of us. I have said absolutely no way, it’s cringey, embarrassing and would end my friendship. Her husband is obviously not going to set up a business deal for his wife’s weird art friend’s husband. It’s user territory and I don’t want to do it. Anyway my husband won’t let it go and has been going on for weeks. He is currently sulking and refusing to eat dinner with me because ‘I’m putting this woman’s feelings before my family security’ (he thinks he could earn big from the deal). His last thing was that I just want to be a celebrity hanger on and am letting the marriage down. I think I am being normal and he is unhinged, but need an outside perspective. AIBU?

Oh no, this is so annoying for you. Tell him that there is no way you are gonna use this contact to facilitate his Grand Idea. And that he should imagine that you DO NOT 'know" this celebrity, and whatever he would do without this connection is what he should do now. As in act like there is no celeb connection, and not go on at you about it. Jeez, I'm cross with him and I have no fkn idea what particular advantage he thinks he deserves.

If he's driving you round the bend you could always lie and say you'll ask, then don't ask (obvs) but report back to him that she said no, her DH never gets involved in business introductions and it's non-negotiable. End of.

No, no, no. You'd be mad to.

Does your DH "earn big" through deals he's made without resorting to this sort of thing? Does he run a successful business? Or does he have a salaried job and this is just his unrealistic attempt and getting something of his own off the ground?

Have you asked him what makes him think the other DH would want to do him a favour, when he doesn't know him at all? Or even meet him?

I'd be doing my best to find out the true state of DH's finances, if I were you.

Stick to your guns.

I used to date a celebrity and it was hard enough having to deal with people in public wanting a chat or a photo (which is acceptable as kind of part of the job).

I would have zero tolerance for a newish friend trying to use our friendship for her husband to use my now-ex’s contacts that he built up through hard work over time.

Your husband needs to understand that. His request made my skin crawl and brought back a lot of memories of the entitlement some people seem to have towards other people’s time, money or contacts.

No you are not being unreasonable at all. I'm not necessarily recommending this as we shouldn't really lie but I think if it was me and my husband kept going on I would say I've asked her and she said sorry he can't help and won't be able to meet. Hopefully that would then put an end to his badgering on about it!

Don't talk nonsense. There is no where near enough info given for that!

Oh I feel ashamed for him. Sulking like a kid who's had his football taken away.

Just say you've asked her and she's not interested in connecting him with her husband. There.

So why has he suddenly changed into an avaricious user of people (you, your friend and her husband)? Been watching lots of videos about How Businesses Grow? Subscribed to some charlatan manosphere 'coach'? Trying to impress somebody with his contacts?

If he's genuinely changed and wasn't just confident that he was The Big Man who everybody went to for help, only to get a sniff of a man considerably more successful than him vaguely in his wife's orbit, he's fallen for the male MLM schemes that are the 'pay to join my course where you will learn to be just like me, all bare chested and tanned with my lambo in Dubai' shite.

I have known a few well known actors and so on through my family member in that profession, and it is truly horrible the things people have to put up with when they are a public figure. I don't really know why anyone would want it.

I do genuinely like this friend as a person, and have no intention of using her as an opportunity. It is making me so angry that my husband cannot see beyond the idea that vaguely being connected to someone famous could benefit him financially. It is weird and dehumanising.

As I said above, I don't really know what's happening. He had two serious bereavements last year and I wonder if he is not doing ok mentally.

Tell him you asked and they said no.

I’m putting this woman’s feelings before my family security @Soontobesingles

What a way to twist reality.

Apart from the family security being a long shot, you'll be losing a friendship, can he see this at all?.

So what he's asking you is to sacrifice your friendship for his ego and frankly, delusional desperation. YANBU!

As if the famous husband is going to entertain the idea of having a 4 people sit down for the benefit of your DH.
Sorry op, know you are cringing, I am too on your behalf and I’m not even involved.
Its like he has no personal awareness that this is very high on the cringe scale.
It reminds me of these small time influencers, who embarrassingly contact celebs touting for a “collab” and claiming it will be good business for the celebrity.

I’d end the marriage if he kept asking. No way I’d do that.

even if you were best friends is still not something you should do. Don’t mix business and pleasure

I almost immediately thought your famous friend @Soontobesingles
might be called Sarah, and her "husband's" first name could be Andrew, and that you had muddled the waters on purpose - quite rightly - by not keeping all of your information correct. 🤭

However, after a few posts, I changed my mind, I now think they are an actual married couple, with their first names being Meghan and Harry. 🙈

I didn't, and don't think it can be Coleen Rooney, because although she comes across as pleasant, and intelligent, her husband does not seem to me to be someone that would have the ears of - or any other parts of - any politicians. 😱

Having said that, I have thought of another couple who could just about be contenders, and their first names are Victoria and David? 😂

I'm really sorry OP if anyone else has posted the same names, as me - except, I obviously know that someone beat me to mentioning Coleen - as I have only read all of your posts so far.

To be serious for a minute, as I am sure that this is no laughing matter for you, OP, please don't let him wear down your defences! My only suggestion to try to shut him up about it, is for you to consider showing him this thread. He is being so pathetic, and potentially very embarrassing for both of you, maybe he can be persuaded by how many Mumsnetters are saying he is being both childish, and ridiculous?
Good Luck 💐

I'm not picking on you particularly, you're just one of a few people who have suggested OP lies to her husband to stop him behaving like a prat.

I'm thinking to myself why should she lie though? His behaviour is the problem in the first place for asking her for such a ridiculously cheeky and inappropriate favour in the first place, and then for behaving in such a shitty way when she said no.

To my mind if she lies, she'd best be a good liar. What happens if he asks follow up questions? What if at some point in the future the husband and friend are in the same place and the husband mentions it? I think it's really unhealthy in a marriage when one person lies to the other.

Lying might just be kicking the can down the line too. If he can't recognise why asking in the first place and then everything he's done since is a problem, he can't be aware for the future. So what's to stop it from happening again? He'll be just as unreasonable and treat his wife as poorly then, and she'll either have to deal with it head on or lie again.

Wait till everyone is calm and then address the problem.

A PP put it really well by saying this shows a "you're a barrier to my success" kind of thinking. That's a problem in itself, a marriage is a team effort. Thinking of the other person as actively and arbitrarily standing in the way of something you want is a problem, especially when it's not true. It breeds resentment, and that is marriage rot.

Absolutely not but I would be tempted to say the sit down was politely declined.

This is my feeling on it too.

Thanks all for the advice. I am off to bed now.

@Soontobesingles I think I would if it was guaranteed but as you’ve stated ‘might’ facilitate a lucrative business deal for my husband, then absolutely not.

I would understand if your husband and you were good buddies with this couple in question, but that's not the case by any means. You've seen this woman 3 times a year and hardly known her husband. The fact he doesn't understand how innapropiate and cringe this is (for you to ask for a business meeting with these people) shows that he's pretty delusional and I wouldn't be doing business with someone so delusional. Tell him you've had enough of this shyte and want to hear no more. Let him sulk.

of course she shouldn't have to lie. I completely agree. However, I think providing what is an entirely reasonable explanation to this man will just create more grief for this poor woman, who sounds like she has to put up with a lot anyway. The fact he is strong pushing for this strongly points to the fact he completely lacks self awareness or reflection. Telling him the the truth will only invite further protracted and tedious discussion for the OP.

I don't think I'd say Victoria Beckham is less famous than David Beckham? Isn't it more likely to be someone like Emily Andre? Or Kate Ferdinand? Like someone who is basically famous because of their husband? Would love it if I found out Kate Ferdinand was into Japanese performance art!

I unfortunately think I have to agree with this.

someone bored at daily mail.