AIBU to refuse asking my celebrity friend’s husband for business help?

[Soontobesingles]

I have recently (in last three years) become friendly with a celebrity - her husband is also a celebrity and much much more famous than she is. I’ve met him three times in passing (he was polite but not really interested in me, which is fine).

My husband has never met this woman or her husband, though he knows I know her and have met him. When I say ‘friendly’, she and I have a common interest and meet a few times a year for social occasions, to go to events to do with our interest and we stay in touch by text and social media. She is hardly my best mate and I am very careful not to overstep because I am sure she has a lot of piss takers in her life. She is very nice and I like her company. Our shared interest is also very niche (think Japanese performance art) so it’s nice to have someone to share that with. We don’t discuss personal stuff really beyond the odd story about our kids. Anyway, recently my husband has got it into his head that her husband can do him a favour. Basically he wants her husband to reach out to his contacts that might facilitate a lucrative business deal for my husband. He has asked me to meet up with her to suggest this and arrange a meeting with the four of us. I have said absolutely no way, it’s cringey, embarrassing and would end my friendship. Her husband is obviously not going to set up a business deal for his wife’s weird art friend’s husband. It’s user territory and I don’t want to do it. Anyway my husband won’t let it go and has been going on for weeks. He is currently sulking and refusing to eat dinner with me because ‘I’m putting this woman’s feelings before my family security’ (he thinks he could earn big from the deal). His last thing was that I just want to be a celebrity hanger on and am letting the marriage down. I think I am being normal and he is unhinged, but need an outside perspective. AIBU?

No, it would be very inappropriate.

It's true this is the way a lot of business is done but there has to be something in it
for both parties. What does Celebrity get from the arrangement? Nothing? Of course you can't do it.

Your husband's an opportunist who's willing to blow up your friendship for a really bad idea. His refusing to eat with you and berating you is abusive treatment.

Frankly, he sounds like he's got untreated mental health issues or a PD or his business is in big trouble and he's desperate but given the abusive treatment, I'd be out. I don't stick around for that.

Your husband is being an absolute dickhead. Stick to your guns

You’re totally in the right

An absolute no!! This woman is a friend, but she's not a close friend, you keep in touch and see each other occasionally. Her husband you have met twice and don't know at all.

If you went along with your husband's ludicrous idea, you would most definitely lose her friendship. It would come across as using her and her husband for your own ends.

Your husband is clearly desperate, and this is why he's hanging onto this half-baked idea, and thinks it's wonderful. He's using emotional blackmail (which I hate) to try and persuade you to change your mind.

I have a family friend who is a famous sportsperson (we knew him before he was famous) - he is relentlessly asked for favours from everyone, he’s always polite but he finds it extremely wearing and keeps his circle very small as the constant favour asking makes it hard for him to trust people’s intentions.

If you do this it will absolutely destroy your friendship with his wife. Stand your ground.

They will be likely used to such approaches and she will rightly run for the hills.

I would be very careful about doing business favours for friends, not to mind very very casual acquaintances.

Your husband really is unhinged to expect this.
Sorry!

Glad to see it’s unanimous. Will stick to my guns but DH is being very very unmovable on this. Going to pour a glass of wine and leave him to sulk.

He won't eat dinner with you because you have said no?? Seriously?

How the hell can you still call him "D"H - unless it stands for Dick Head

He obviously wrong, but is he/his business OK? As PP said, it does sound like the actions of a desperate man, unless it's normal for him?

How embarrassing. Don’t do it OP.

Regardless of the fact that, socially, it would be totally inappropriate to ask... As this man has no actual relationship with your DH he'd be a fool to do him any business/publicity favours at all without a ton of due diligence which would almost certainly be done by someone his management team would have to hire. It would therefore cost him a quite a bit of his own money to do this "favour" for your DH, so he's likely to say no anyway.

God, what a knob.

How ridiculous of him to think that this man will want to help him.

And what a pathetic response to you saying no.

He is not normally abusive in any way, but does get very fixated on outlandish ideas, especially if he thinks they will make him money. I usually ignore as we keep our jobs very separate. Maybe I need to check he is not in some big financial trouble. He also lost his dad and brother in quick succession last year so there is emotional stuff going on. Not that it excuses the sulking.

I know. Not to mention her DH is currently flying round the world doing loads of publicity for his own career and ventures and would likely have zero time or inclination to devote to something with no benefits to him whatsoever!

I would make sure her name is under something different in your phone contacts OP, just to be safe. Or put a passcode on your phone...

I was just about to comment something like this , be wary of him trying access your phone because he does sound desperate and if he really is , he might then take it upon himself to ask her himself via taking her number using your phone to do so .

do not do this. Not the same thing at all but I used to work in the media world and knew lots of well known people. The amount of acquaintances who thought I could get them intros or a ‘voice’ for some sort of special case they wanted highlighted was abysmal. It ended up making me want to leave that industry. I eventually did. Funnily enough none of those types of individuals are my friends now…🤷‍♀️ I don’t know how you’d ever come back from it OP. Your friendship with the person would be dead. Please don’t let your oh persuade you that this is a good idea!!

Stick to your guns OP, do not give in! You can kiss your friendship goodbye if you do.

Agree with this!

I think I’d tell him you asked her and she was so appalled at you trying to take advantage of her friendship that’s she’s dropped you entirely.

Then just don’t tell him it’s her that you’re meeting when you see her in future!

Yeah it would give me the ick too. Blergh. Your husband needs to sort himself out. No one in business is going to back someone or a business they know nothing about anyway.

Well if this thread gets picked up by the trash press, your friend will drop you too as you have been rather indiscreet - assuming this thread is not a load of bollocks.

How embarrassing, he's delusional, surely?!

Not only is there no benefit to the friend's husband, it could be actively detrimental to him - he'll be acutely aware that if he puts in a recommendation for someone and they turn out to be a complete nightmare (which he's certainly doing a good impression of btw!) it's only going to reflect badly on him. No one would do this, let alone someone with a public image to look after.

The sort of person that would ask what your husband is suggesting is exactly the person that would be a complete liability to be associated with!