AIBU to refuse asking my celebrity friend’s husband for business help?

[Soontobesingles]

I have recently (in last three years) become friendly with a celebrity - her husband is also a celebrity and much much more famous than she is. I’ve met him three times in passing (he was polite but not really interested in me, which is fine).

My husband has never met this woman or her husband, though he knows I know her and have met him. When I say ‘friendly’, she and I have a common interest and meet a few times a year for social occasions, to go to events to do with our interest and we stay in touch by text and social media. She is hardly my best mate and I am very careful not to overstep because I am sure she has a lot of piss takers in her life. She is very nice and I like her company. Our shared interest is also very niche (think Japanese performance art) so it’s nice to have someone to share that with. We don’t discuss personal stuff really beyond the odd story about our kids. Anyway, recently my husband has got it into his head that her husband can do him a favour. Basically he wants her husband to reach out to his contacts that might facilitate a lucrative business deal for my husband. He has asked me to meet up with her to suggest this and arrange a meeting with the four of us. I have said absolutely no way, it’s cringey, embarrassing and would end my friendship. Her husband is obviously not going to set up a business deal for his wife’s weird art friend’s husband. It’s user territory and I don’t want to do it. Anyway my husband won’t let it go and has been going on for weeks. He is currently sulking and refusing to eat dinner with me because ‘I’m putting this woman’s feelings before my family security’ (he thinks he could earn big from the deal). His last thing was that I just want to be a celebrity hanger on and am letting the marriage down. I think I am being normal and he is unhinged, but need an outside perspective. AIBU?

Yanbu at all. Your H sounds very entitled and what's with the childish sulking?! Nob.

Try the perspective: he knows nothing about you, why would he risk annoying all his business contacts for a virtual stranger?

I'm not saying she should explain anything to him either.

From the sounds of it, OP has attempted to point him in the right direction, but it sounds like she has left him to do the joined up thinking for himself. I think that was kind of her and the right way to go about it. It's not really all that difficult to work out why asking was inappropriate and silly, and any adult should be able to deal with a "no" in an adult manner, so he should be able to muster up an apology for acting badly without being prompted for one.

What I'm saying is that I'd be telling him now that his continued behaviour is unacceptable, to not speak to me/treat me that way and to take himself off until he's fit to act like a reasonable adult about all this.

Then tomorrow, and only if he can be a reasonable adult, I'd be willing to discuss his behaviour and if there was a reason this idea became so all consuming for him. I'd want a proper, unprompted apology first though and by the end, if he thinks/agrees that this is ADHD related I'd want a promise from him to get diagnosed and to have a plan for dealing with these impulsive, all consuming ideas when they crop up in the future.

I'd not be willing to go over the old ground of why the favour was inappropriate again, it should be obvious and I'm sure he's not stupid. If he wasn't able to do the self reflection necessary, or kept banging on about it, being a sulky child and punishing me I'd be seriously considering the future of my marriage.

He's being idiotic. Your friend and her husband would be embarrassed or even disgusted.

some posters on here are beyond paranoid!

It's hardly a front page of the daily mail, is it? Stop the press, we have our headline: unnamed woman with (unspecified) hobby is married to unnamed celebrity.

If this is genuinely out of character, it sounds like something is wrong. And with the 2 bereavements as well, I think you might be onto something with the mental health angle. (Though the debt one is a possibility too, or one as the result of the other).

Of course if he's treating you badly you don't have to put up with it. But depending on your relationship I wonder if a supportive conversation about what's going on for him and how is he coping might shed more light on what's happening.

He's ridiculous and will ruin your friendship with this woman. What a strange person he is to take it so far as to not eat with you and cling on to it. Does he have mental health problems?

This

@Soontobesingles could you spin a tale of "asking" and he declines ?

This lady is probably friends with you not only due to your shared interest, but also the fact that you don't treat her like a celebrity, or ask for freebies. The moment you do this, the friendship will be over.

YANBU.
That would be a huge 'no-no', and you'd lose your friendship with the woman.

Tell him you’ll ask her when you see her next and that she said no

So press the right one then.

Tell me more about this training?

This would give me the ick.

Could you not just put it to your husband to think about just how many times the celebrity husband will have been approached about 'deals' and 'favours' over the years, and into the future. It's just all pretty insulting white noise.

Failing that, could you buy a cardboard cut out of the celebrity and lock your husband in a room with it, and not let him out until he's exhausted his fantasy business 'pitch' 🤷‍♀️

That's quite an imagination you've got there, Mooncup.

I worked in the music industry for years and this have had requests like this from random people and I’m much closer to these celebrities than you see to be

ni way. Never. I have refused many people asking me for favours or tickets. They’ll give me tickets but I refuse to ask for extras etc….i think it’s bang out of order myself.

I have a friend who was good friends with a big name newsreader. Husband of friend got it into his head he wanted to sit alongside newsreader whilst presenting the news. They are now divorced.

Nope, everything you wrote in your OP is correct. It would be user territory, end your friendship, and not get DH anywhere anyway. He’s being unhinged, you’re being normal. Don’t do it, no matter how much the man child sulks.

@Soontobesingles I know you mentioned your DH isn't abusive, but the way he is behaving towards you now is abusive - ignoring you, bullying you, neglecting you because you dared to disagree and won't do as he says.

It could be possible that he has responded to his recent bereavements by e.g. gambling or drugs and has lost a lot of money in a short time, as it does seem as though his desperation is the outward manifestation of a business falling to pieces.

Tread carefully.

The ear of government? Is it politicians he wants access to, for something they wouldn’t financially benefit from? In what world?!

OMG no! You won’t see her for dust.

HRTFT but show him what everyone has said. Whan an awful position to put you in.

Who is/are the 1%? CF!

wtf?!