AIBU to refuse asking my celebrity friend’s husband for business help?

[Soontobesingles]

I have recently (in last three years) become friendly with a celebrity - her husband is also a celebrity and much much more famous than she is. I’ve met him three times in passing (he was polite but not really interested in me, which is fine).

My husband has never met this woman or her husband, though he knows I know her and have met him. When I say ‘friendly’, she and I have a common interest and meet a few times a year for social occasions, to go to events to do with our interest and we stay in touch by text and social media. She is hardly my best mate and I am very careful not to overstep because I am sure she has a lot of piss takers in her life. She is very nice and I like her company. Our shared interest is also very niche (think Japanese performance art) so it’s nice to have someone to share that with. We don’t discuss personal stuff really beyond the odd story about our kids. Anyway, recently my husband has got it into his head that her husband can do him a favour. Basically he wants her husband to reach out to his contacts that might facilitate a lucrative business deal for my husband. He has asked me to meet up with her to suggest this and arrange a meeting with the four of us. I have said absolutely no way, it’s cringey, embarrassing and would end my friendship. Her husband is obviously not going to set up a business deal for his wife’s weird art friend’s husband. It’s user territory and I don’t want to do it. Anyway my husband won’t let it go and has been going on for weeks. He is currently sulking and refusing to eat dinner with me because ‘I’m putting this woman’s feelings before my family security’ (he thinks he could earn big from the deal). His last thing was that I just want to be a celebrity hanger on and am letting the marriage down. I think I am being normal and he is unhinged, but need an outside perspective. AIBU?

You would have hoped so. But it seems not.

Refusing to eat his dinner? That in a nutshell is why you should never ask your friend! Could you imagine.......

You’re focusing on the wrong things here and it’s quite concerning.

The debate isn’t whether you should harass the celebrity couple, or not. You already know this is not their responsibility nor something they want to get involved in. That’s not in question.

The debate is, what sort of debt or financial troubles is he in that he’s not telling you about? You should be deeply concerned about this. It’s not normal for your partner to be this emotionally invested in whimsical get rich schemes like this. If the celebrities saw potential in your husband, they would be the ones pitching a business opportunity to you - not the other way around.

If I was the celebrity and you did what your husband wants you to do, you'd never see me again.

It hadn’t crossed my mind that this could be the case until this thread. It now has and yes I’m concerned. But it’s not to deal with tonight as he has sulked off to his office and I am drinking downstairs. Whatever it is can wait until we have both calmed down. (Luckily I have my own savings and bank account he doesn’t have access to, so in the worst case I am not immediately destitute - though I’d be surprised if he has done anything really silly, there would be no reason to).

Does he have ADHD? Just asking as the fixation on an idea and then dropping it for another is quite classic. Might explain why he is so fixed and losing his patience that you ‘don’t understand’.

It doesn’t excuse his shitty behaviour toward you obviously.

Does the other DH have any type of link with your DHs business idea or would it just be celebrity endorsement. To be honest as you say you are not close friends so I think it will be difficult to ask

He isn’t diagnosed but has all the symptoms and his eldest DD (not my child) does have it so it’s possible/likely.

Literally this. What is your DH offering to even make him consider helping out? There is no persuasion just a sort of entitlement..
Don't ruin your friendship over this and if it doesn't blow over, I'd also be tempted to say you asked but she said no just to stop him going on!

I'd be reading him the riot act over his shite behaviour towards you, he needs to get over himself very quickly and apologise. He's over the edge into abusive dickhead territory with the sulks, muttering, and childish refusal to eat with you.

Agree that if he comes to his senses and apologises for being a weapons grade arsehole as well as an idiot, it'd be worth finding out if something else is going on financially because it does smack of desperation on top of him being too comfortable with treating you like that for something entirely reasonable.

No, he has access to other people who could facilitate an opportunity. It would be a case of my DH asking for an introduction to her DH’s contacts - which obviously he isn’t going to do.

Show him this thread?

Well that helps to explain it. He could have debt or he could just get impulsively swept up in big ideas and then get angry because he sees you as the barrier to his success (incorrectly of course). My DH has been like this and it has been the cause of arguments but as time has gone on he has been able to reflect that his impulsive fixations rarely end well and I was usually right all a long, and now we can usually joke about any big ideas that come up. Initially he felt like it was me not being supportive of his ideas and him as a person so I would be clear that I absolutely supported him but part of that is being honest when I think something is a bad idea, and highlighted the times I had supported him in his endeavours.

I would wait for him to calm down and then ask him to imagine how often the celebrity husband may be asked for favours, how this request would come across and the impact it would have on this man, his wife and most importantly, you. You can be clear that if you honestly believed the husband would say yes, then of course you’d ask, but you know that’s not realistic. Focus on facts.

You would be distanced as a friend immediately no doubt, so it wouldn’t go anywhere anyhow. It will just result in you losing a friend.

ADHD doesn't make somebody a user, though. He's looking at the OP's friendship as only worthwhile if he can get something out of it for himself - and people are not resources to be colonised and mined.

I do think changing all passwords and making sure there are absolutely no ways in which he can get hold of contact details for the friend or her husband is vital - as is ensuring that he never, ever knows where you are with her so he can't just 'happen to be in the area and thought he'd drop in to say hello'.

But in reality, once you realise that you're only treated civilly when you could be useful to him and your own friendships are seen as ripe pickings for his bank balance (and the lifestyle/ability to brag that his mate is this famous guy, etc), there's never any going back.

My husband is not generally a user - he is actually generous and not someone who asks for favours as a rule. That’s why this is so odd and I had to come online to check I am not being unreasonable. If this CF behaviour was usual, I’d have been more quick to shut it down.

Absolutely not and know that he would never in a blue moon do it for you either. He is being bonkers. And frankly quite gross

Just weird. If it genuinly is a really good idea and he already has traction and interest and its going to be the next big thing, then you could of course excitedly explain it to a friend and then they might ask if they can know more and help..
But a batshit random idea that he just wants somrone else to promote for him, why would someone with celebrity put their name to it and expose themselves like that, it would be extemely unlikely that they would.

It would still be cringe if neither were a celebrity. It’s very crass of your dh to think this is ok.

Please don't. You friends with this lady at the basic friendship level.. please don't make her uncomfortable. It be the end of your friendship. Your husband is being stupid!

Definitely do not do this.

If his business idea is so wonderful, he’ll surely make millions easily by it’s own merit and him being such a genius….. 🤔

I hope this phase passes quickly and he doesn’t hold a man child grudge 💐

Sorry I pressed the wrong vote. YaNbu

Your DH is being weird and quite frankly stupid.

If his business has merit there will be other lines of credit other than celebrity involvement.

He should have enough emotional intelligence to know that if you go forward with his 'plan' that you will end your fledgling friendship with these celebrities.

Sorry OP but your husband sounds like a bit of a dick. Let's hope he hasn't been so impulsive and reckless with the business he does have.