Single mum living with parents in London, stuck for housing options

[Prinnypeach]

More looking for guidance on this one from any single parents who have been through this.

separated from DDs father when she was only 2 months as he left me for another woman after 10 years together. was in the trenches with being a single parent and on mat leave so agreed to sell house.

moved back in with my parents and DD. Lovely and appreciative and all was well. DD getting older - now 3 - and I’m struggling with parenting whilst being parented by my own parents. In some ways you could say I do turn back into the sulky teen I once was. Parents are retired so home a lot, I work from home, all just on top of one another, have never had a particularly good relationship with my dad, we argue a lot and I don’t like DD seeing it all.

feel my options are limited with moving back out. I work part time 3 days a week, my firm can’t increase my days, and if I did I’d pay even more for nursery and would actually be worse off.

salary is low even if I did go back full time - would take 2k a month which is better than some of course but I live in London where most rent is 2k plus. No chance on the housing register, I work for the council and it’s just impossible to get somewhere. Have got 50k in savings from selling the house so not entitled to any UC

cant get a mortgage as salary too low - looked at shared ownership but that puts me into financial difficulty after a couple of years when the savings run out as I would use the rest of my savings to top up my salary and pay bills etc.
renting also isn’t an option for me just due to low salary and do want to have something in my name at least. also to mention I previously rented for years before meeting DDs father and getting in place together which we wasn’t in for very long hence not walking away with as much as I’d usually like.

feel so stuck, want to give DD somewhat of a normal life. My sanity is compromised when I live with my parents and I love them dearly, and I truly truly appreciate them and everything they have done for me. However, I’m 32 - me ans DD are not getting any younger and I want to parent and live how I want to - there is a reason I moved out at the young age of 20 originally.

have looked at earning more money - doing a uni course etc but I’ll be no better off starting at the bottom of a job and working my way up over the next few years. Have also thought about moving further out but DDs nursery is here, she won’t start school until nearly 6 due to birthday being end of Nov. Also would struggle to be away from friends and family if I move out and think I would feel pretty lonely.

i just feel I have no options. Has anyone else been in this situation and if so, how did you do it?

and before anyone comes for me about being so ungrateful - please don’t bother.

I'm not saying they should - but don't your parents offer any childcare, as they don't work? Or do you prefer DD to be in formal childcare (nursery)?

If you live in London then moving a little further out isn't going to make enough of a difference in terms of housing costs.
Would you consider a completely fresh start in a totally different (cheap) part od the country?

Could your parents not help with childcare and you get a second job? Doesn’t have to be in your field just something that will help bridge that gap.

You say London- so she will be 4 turning 5 when she starts school?

what does your working patter look like? And what hours is she doing? Is she in a full time nursery or is she in a term time pre school? Do parents help out with child care? Do you get CM from her dad?

if you work from home I would say your best bet is to move to a cheaper area. Children are very adaptable at that age. London is expensive so you are always going to be paying a premium.

Would you consider moving out of London? I’m a single parent and had similiar circumstances to you, I stayed with my mum for the first three years and then was lucky enough to get a council flat. We stayed there until dd was ten and then I had saved enough to get a shared ownership place.

Given you already have the savings shared ownership would be my thoughts. Will your parents help with childcare? You will need to increase your work hours. Is the dad paying maintenance?

You work from home and I would highly encourage you to consider moving to a different area. I moved from London to South West, before moving I looked up some sociable hobbies in the area and joined some clubs. Within weeks I felt like a have a good circle of acquaintances, volunteered for a couple of events with my local gym and was offered to teach some classes there at weekend which is a great top up to my salary. Got a small mortgage and will hopefully be moving to my new house in the next few weeks.
My quality of life is absolutely amazing compared to hamster wheel London always felt like.

Could you do the shared ownership, use your savings then qualify for UC? Do you pay your parents rent? Pay them rent, use the savings and get UC? Then you’ll get your rent paid?

Leave London before she starts school. You will have much more margin up here (Liverpool- but also in Leeds, Sheffield, Manchester).

How much does DD’s father contribute? If the answer is “nothing” you need to open a CMS claim.

Your only option seem to be
spend savings on private rent - which would be waste of money and possibly unaffordable in the long term

shared ownership

move out of London.

Im in South London 2 kids. I was lucky enough to get a HA property after spending 6 years at my mums “homeless at home”. If we weren’t so lucky I don’t know how we would afford to private rent now.

I second considering moving out of London, I live in the south west (Somerset) you can still get to London within two hours on the train. Cost of living is much cheaper, lovely place to raise a child.

I raised dd on my own here so it’s definitely doable, I couldn’t have afforded it if I lived in London though.

Definitely move, she’ll start school at 4years of age not 6. Get sorted in a new area with a new job and get settled before she starts school. It’ll be hard but worth it. You can visit your parents in the holidays and you’ll have a better relationship with them not being together all the time. A 1bed flat in Manchester can be as little as £80k so with your deposit you could easily buy.

It sounds like you want something you can't have and need to work on accepting your options. You can't magically get your own place in London on your salary, and get benefits AND have 50k in the bank.

Personally I'd move out somewhere cheap that you like. Scary, but I can't see how you can continue to live where you are unless it's in your parents' house.

Maybe look at Kent or Bedfordshire, some bits are still fairly cheap but just about commutable to London.

What’s your employment @Prinnypeach?
perhaps we can suggest areas to work outside of London.
pps suggestion of Somerset is a great idea, close to Bristol and Bath for when you crave city vibes.

DD will start school at nearly 5, rather than nearly 6. And she can access free school hours childcare from now in the 30 hours 3 year old funding . The nursery attached to our DD's school takes them school hours 9-3 termtime for free from term after they turn 3, so you could access from now. And ask your employer if you can do your hours over 5 shorter days. So would only need to pay for childcare in school holidays - which often can be accessed quite cheaply for school hours - ours do 9-4 for £25 a day.

This would save you money to put towards your rent. I appreciate moving out of London could be scary, but you will make lots of new friends through school, groups etc.

Thanks everyone for your replies, I could move out of London but just not too far as I do really think I’d struggle without the support network. Work pattern is mon-weds, 8-3. Nursery 2 days a week and one day with parents. Do get CMS from DDs father which is around 450 but my worry is I don’t want to rely on that in case anything happened to him or his earnings.

parents won’t help with childcare - they have been clear that we live with them so they won’t do regular childcare.

In terms of DD starting school it will be when she is 5 but turning 6 so still another couple of years of nursery. She is also at nursery and not preschool as I can’t have her at home whilst I’m working.

Take a look at the BBC news article on shared. Ownership before doing that.

Unless you are choosing not to send her till she is 5, she will start school at 4 and then will turn 5 3 months later in the November.

I think you may have misunderstood the school timings. Children in England start the September after they turn 4. I don’t understand how she could be nearly 6.

Do you happen to have a friend or family member outside of London and the South East? Just thinking if you had eg an aunt or old friend in say Birmingham or wherever, without wanting to rely on that one person at all, that would be a small springboard to creating a new support network somewhere else. Basically instead of moving somewhere completely random maybe try and think of a place where you have one connection, and drop them a message.

To get a mortgage you need to be full time. That’s possible now as you will get free childcare. You then pay for the other 10 hours. So that’s the childcare sorted out and full time means you can apply for mortgage. I don’t know what the house prices are like there and you won’t want to be far from your parents so I suggest just move slightly out. Kent is affordable compared to your location if you work full time and have a deposit. Have a look on right move and you will see there’s a good choice of nice houses in some of the places if you go for kent commuter towns.

if not you need to spend the next two years also working part time in a second job. Evening work or weekends. Everything from that you save plus half of your current wage. On a minimum wage basis and if you take all work you can find you could save about a £1000 a month that way which would get your deposit amount up to 74k in 2 years. I’d then move to a cheaper area as there are options to nearly buy outright at those amounts.

or the final option is to carry on as you are but also study pt. It will benefit you in the long run.

btw you may not think you get on well with your parents but what fantastic people to have you live with them for 3 years.

I had my DC as a teenager after being kicked out, my life would have been so different with support. after that bad start with no support or help I studied for a degree and worked pt, many jobs, then ft and finally bought my first home in my mid 40s so it is doable.

Could you spend your savings as a deposit on shared ownership? Wouldn't you then qualify for UC?

why are you planning to defer school? Kids in England start when they’re 4, rising 5. Not after their 5th birthday.

Start right moving homes in kent it would be a good option .

In your shoes I’d move somewhere new OP. I grew up in London and realised that as an adult I just wouldn’t be able to have the lifestyle I wanted. Because it’s not just about housing costs, it’s everything else on top of it, and your daughter will need more and more as she grows with clubs etc. If it’s possible to move out I would. There are some lovely parts of the country where you can buy a lovely place with a £50k deposit.