Single mum living with parents in London, stuck for housing options

[Prinnypeach]

More looking for guidance on this one from any single parents who have been through this.

separated from DDs father when she was only 2 months as he left me for another woman after 10 years together. was in the trenches with being a single parent and on mat leave so agreed to sell house.

moved back in with my parents and DD. Lovely and appreciative and all was well. DD getting older - now 3 - and I’m struggling with parenting whilst being parented by my own parents. In some ways you could say I do turn back into the sulky teen I once was. Parents are retired so home a lot, I work from home, all just on top of one another, have never had a particularly good relationship with my dad, we argue a lot and I don’t like DD seeing it all.

feel my options are limited with moving back out. I work part time 3 days a week, my firm can’t increase my days, and if I did I’d pay even more for nursery and would actually be worse off.

salary is low even if I did go back full time - would take 2k a month which is better than some of course but I live in London where most rent is 2k plus. No chance on the housing register, I work for the council and it’s just impossible to get somewhere. Have got 50k in savings from selling the house so not entitled to any UC

cant get a mortgage as salary too low - looked at shared ownership but that puts me into financial difficulty after a couple of years when the savings run out as I would use the rest of my savings to top up my salary and pay bills etc.
renting also isn’t an option for me just due to low salary and do want to have something in my name at least. also to mention I previously rented for years before meeting DDs father and getting in place together which we wasn’t in for very long hence not walking away with as much as I’d usually like.

feel so stuck, want to give DD somewhat of a normal life. My sanity is compromised when I live with my parents and I love them dearly, and I truly truly appreciate them and everything they have done for me. However, I’m 32 - me ans DD are not getting any younger and I want to parent and live how I want to - there is a reason I moved out at the young age of 20 originally.

have looked at earning more money - doing a uni course etc but I’ll be no better off starting at the bottom of a job and working my way up over the next few years. Have also thought about moving further out but DDs nursery is here, she won’t start school until nearly 6 due to birthday being end of Nov. Also would struggle to be away from friends and family if I move out and think I would feel pretty lonely.

i just feel I have no options. Has anyone else been in this situation and if so, how did you do it?

and before anyone comes for me about being so ungrateful - please don’t bother.

Have you seen the stories on the BBC or online about single parents (normally Mums) living together, sharing costs and sharing childcare? Could you do that perhaps?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/worklife/article/20190827-the-single-mums-who-live-together-on-mommunes

That’s an American version but I did read about 2 Mums doing same in London.

Your daughter will be starting school in the September she is 4.

I know it’s difficult but I feel you need to move away. Your daughter is key here.

You say it’s not possible to get on the housing register but you have a long history of living in the Borough and you can get your parents to ‘evict’ you - so do that?

Your daughter will start reception aged 4 and will turn 5 in November unless there is a reason you aren’t starting her in reception year?

honestly your best choice is to move out of London and start afresh. £50k would be a deposit on somewhere of your own that you can afford on your income.

you also need to apply for full time jobs and suck up the nursery fees as it’s about long term earning potential, not just right now.

if you work from home can you keep your current role even if you lived in the midlands?

I don’t understand. You say you couldn’t move far away with the support network but then you say your parents don’t provide any childcare! Who is giving you support?

Basically you have 3 options and no amount of creative thinking gets around them, so pick the one you can stomach and roll with it:

1. Pour heart and soul into your career and become a high earner
2. Move out of London/South East
3. Be happy with what you have and just roll with it

1. I agree with everyone else re school. You start when you are 4. For some children this is when they are almost 5 (like your daughter), others will be just turned 4.
2. Are you sure the two days at nursery are all you are entitled to? As long as your salary is not 100k (and we know yours isn’t) then these days you get a fair amount of free hours. Not to cover a full time job, sure, but more than 2 days.
3. I would spend some free time looking seriously at areas say 1 hour north of London. You will want to be in the new area by early 2027 for school applications because if she’s 3 now she’ll be starting school in September 2027.

Look at what you can buy in a nice market town in Yorkshire: https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/170601302#/?channel=RES_BUY

You have to move away and build a network.

Hi all thank you for your comments - I can look at moving further out perhaps an area like Maidstone etc but midlands is moving away from my entire family and friends and also DD’s family.

in terms of school - I’m confused - my DD is born in November. The school said she misses the cohort for the year that she turns 5 and therefore can’t start until is she actually 5. Once she starts she will turn 6, 2 montjs later. I also inputted her birth day into the school calculator and it told me the same thing. So she won’t start until September 2027 meaning she will be turning 6 in the Nov.

thanks

This is a UK example. There are several articles online. You could advertise for a single mum flatmate and house hunt together.

https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/single-mums-who-live-together

You need a full time job.

Plus if you leave London nursery will be substantially cheaper (for the hours you have to top up - a lot should be free).

You have less time than you thought for school applications so I would start planning a move now tbh. You’ll get a new network when she starts school. It’s exciting though I think - you need to start on your own.

However want to say thank you all for your suggestions I will definitely look into my
options for moving further out and agree that it is best to do now before she is starting school.

Can you use your savings as a deposit on a shared ownership property and then claim universal credit? I also agree that your daughter will be starting school in 18 months - the September she is four. Make sure you apply for a school place by the deadline.

Re nursery fees - again - I’m confused lol. I pay 250 a month for 2 days a week, if I sent my DD for one extra day it doubles to 560. If I send her 4 days it goes up to over 800 and I’ve not even looked them numbers for obvious reasons. Where have I gone wrong? I claim 30 hours free and do child tax credits.

https://www.gov.uk/schools-admissions/school-starting-age

How often do you see your friends?
I still have friends in London, Bristol and Kent and I probably see them on average once a month or once every couple of months. I either drive there (Bristol is 90 min away, London is 2,5h-3h) by car. A lot of my friends are happy to come and visit for a weekend on the seaside too so we alternate. I'd say I see people more often now than I ever did before and I have plenty of new friends in the area too.

This is incorrect. My child is born in November as well and started last year aged 4 and turned 5 in the November. Children are legally required to be in school the term after their 5th birthday. If your child turned 3 in November 2025 then she will start in September 2027 where she will turn 5 in November 2027

What year was your daughter born? You say she's 3 so I'll assume it's Nov 2022 then she will start in September 2027 and then turn 5 in the November, so she'll be starting when she's still 4. You will need to start applying for her place in September of this year.

The application will need to be in by Jan 27 for a Sept 27 start

Sorry if I missed it, but does your ex have your DC much/at all? And does he pay anything?

If you bought a house (which I appreciate might not be possible right now!) then you'd no longer have savings so you'd get some UC, right? (I could be wrong but think you would)

Also - your child would most likely start school in the September just before her 5th birthday. She would reach compulsory school age on 31st December after her 5th birthday.

www.gov.uk/schools-admissions/school-starting-age

I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to move away from everyone and everything you've ever known. I live in the NE and you'd easily get a house here, but is it worth it when you'll have no family/friends around? I don't think it would be for me.