Would I be unreasonable if partner’s ex attends his mum’s funeral?

[CuteCandle]

More of a what would you do than an am I being unreasonable -

this is a hypothetical situation as my partners mum hasn’t passed yet, but she is elderly so likely will in the next few years. I have been with my partner 3 years. He has an ex who he was with for 20 years, separated 5 years ago, no kids together. I have only met his mum twice as she lives 4 hours away from us and me and my partner don’t live together so I don’t always see her when she visits him. He is still in touch with his ex as they own a holiday home together and have mutual friends. I have never met here and he gives the impression he would feel awkward if we did meet. His mum is still in touch with the ex, she went to a recent birthday party of the mum. I presume ex wll want to go to his mums funeral when she passes, I don’t mind not going as we’re not close but would want to support my partner so not sure what I should do when the time comes?

The poor woman isn’t dead yet! Cross that bridge when it comes!

Why would you need to do anything? When she dies, it could be ages away, you support your partner. His ex will probably want to be there if she continues her relationship with MIL.

You should go, surely that’s just the normal thing to do? I’m not sure why it needs to be awkward

What an odd hypothetical situation, you don't even know if you'll still be together in a few years. Literally anything could happen in that time.
It's utterly bizarre to be giving any thought to this imo.

This will sound blunt but you support your partner by going and be civil to his ex.

Everyone has a past so you just have to all grow up and get on with it.

Are you saying you wouldn’t go if his ex went? Is that the issue? Because I would just go if my partner wanted me to, regardless of the ex.

(Also, the poor woman is not dead yet!)

This is too silly for words. She could yet outlive you. Or him. You just don't know and I don't get the rationale for this level of morbid navel-gazing when you - well - just don't know!

You obviously go to support your partner.

She will obviously go in memory of a lady she knew for half her life.

Assuming everyone behaves appropriately, and with respect there won’t be any issues.

Why don't you try to get to know his mother whilst she is still alive?

You seem unusually focused on her demise.

This is utterly bizarre OP, catch yourself on!

The poor woman isn't even dead yet, and you're thinking about using her funeral as an occasion to piss up your boyfriend's leg to mark your territory.

Just put the whole distasteful thought out of your mind.

Eh?

You go to support your partner.

His ex goes to pay her respects to her ex MIL who she remained in contact with.

You both greet each other awkwardly but remember the day is 100% not about you so you dont cause any drama.

You move on.

The End.

Why wouldn't you both just go?

I’ve heard it all now 😂

Maybe wait till the poor woman carks it, eh? And talk about making someone else’s (imaginary) pain all about you!!

I mean you may not even be together when she passes, but yes, I would expect someone who has known her for 20 years to attend her funeral.

The ex is entitled to go to the funeral

Your partner will go to the funeral

You could go to the funeral to support your partner

Sorted

Gosh, OP, this thread doesn't really paint you in the best light.
You criss that bridge when you come to it. If your DP's mum was well enough to have a party for a 'recent' birthday, her demise might not be as imminent as you expect anyway.

You’ve not made the effort to meet MIL more than twice in 3 years. The ex remains in contact and went to the birthday party. Who do you honestly think has more reason to attend? From MILs perspective, it should be the person who she knew best. From your partners perspective, there’s no reason that both you and ex shouldn’t be there.

but I’d be horrified if I knew my partner was mulling over whether he or my ex should attend my not-yet-deceased (and possibly not even ill) mother’s funeral.

this reflects very badly on you OP.

poor woman isn’t even dead. What a horrible thing to even be thinking about.

His ex may well have been part of the family far longer than you have by then. Of course she should be allowed to attend.

When my dps dad died his ex attended the funeral, she was his DIL for 15 years and I only met him a few times in 5 years, and the ex hates me.

We were both civil to each other like adults.

This is such an odd thing to focus on op.

This is one of the most bizarre posts I have ever read on here?
The woman isn't even dead yet - how macabre.

Think I'll wait to see if the OP comes back to this thread or not.

Fuck me, why is this even an issue. You both go, so what? can't believe that this has even occurred to you as a potential problem, it's such a complete non-event.

This is right up there with the woman whose phone was ringing and she asked on here if she should answer it. She wasn't being stalked, she wasn't expecting bad news, she was just incapable of being an adult.

You're being ridiculous.

Wow, you’re planning on who goes to the funeral of a woman who’s not dead and may not pass for years. Thays so utterly distasteful..

I think she's worried the partner & ex will be like a couple at the funeral and wants to mark her territory.