Would I be unreasonable if partner’s ex attends his mum’s funeral?

[CuteCandle]

More of a what would you do than an am I being unreasonable -

this is a hypothetical situation as my partners mum hasn’t passed yet, but she is elderly so likely will in the next few years. I have been with my partner 3 years. He has an ex who he was with for 20 years, separated 5 years ago, no kids together. I have only met his mum twice as she lives 4 hours away from us and me and my partner don’t live together so I don’t always see her when she visits him. He is still in touch with his ex as they own a holiday home together and have mutual friends. I have never met here and he gives the impression he would feel awkward if we did meet. His mum is still in touch with the ex, she went to a recent birthday party of the mum. I presume ex wll want to go to his mums funeral when she passes, I don’t mind not going as we’re not close but would want to support my partner so not sure what I should do when the time comes?

Bloody hell, let the women live first!!

This. MIL has known ex 20 odd years, so of course she should attend a hypothetical, in the future funeral and shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable by you for doing so

Omg when you’re so jealous of the ex you start fantasising about meeting her at your partners mothers funeral when the woman is just elderly and not dying.

ive seen it all now.

I went to my ex MiL funeral. My replacement drove me there. We caused much eyebrow raising by sitting together while ex did the family table hopping. She's a nice woman. I often wonder if she regrets taking up with him and stealing him away from me because he is truly awful and she deserves better.

I voted YANBU because you are being bloody batshit instead.

Why are you thinking about this poor woman’s demise and who might or might not attend her Funeral? Proper psycho lunatic behaviour that.

Weird.

Yes, when it happens, be led by what he wants. In this situation, I would expect to go to support my partner, and wouldn't see any issue with it, yes his ex will be there, but that shouldn't be a problem (unless there's a issue you've not mentioned, like she's made threats or something odd).
You said you'd assume he'd want to go-again, unless there's something you've not said that means he's NC, it would be very weird if someone didn't want to go to a parent's funeral.

Poor woman is prob in her 60s or something

How bizarre that you think three years with your partner gives you some kind of right to complain about anyone who might attend his mother’s funeral, let alone a woman she’s had a relationship with for 25 years or more.

This smacks of extreme insecurity on your part so it might be time to reflect on whether this is the right relationship for you.

You should do whatever your partner wants you to do if/when the time comes.

FWIW it's worth, I think it is pretty normal for people to attend the funeral of their ex-MIL or FIL if they had a close relationship and their ex is happy with it. And everyone else just gets on with it like a grown-up.

You don’t need to do anything. I’d definitely go to any funeral of my exes parents to say goodbye and to support my ex to a certain extent, but I also know I’d be welcome. We too keep in touch intermittently (during traumatic times and I try to visit over the Christmas period). She won’t be sitting with your husband!!!

You all just go and behave like rational adults surely? But agree it’s odd to be worrying about this - she might outlive you yet!

Two of my exes were at my dad’s funeral because he was a wonderful man and they wanted to pay their respects, which I really appreciated. I’d have thought very poorly of a partner who wanted to make some kind of it or who declined to come because my exes were there.

In this sad hypothetical, you should grow the fuck up, support your partner and accept that the Ex should be there and that you should act with dignity and grace to everyone attending.

Just go, say hello to his ex and support your husband. As you’re an adult you really should try to act like it.

I’d also not tell your partner you’re sitting thinking about this. Because any reasonable person would bin you off as fast as they can.

Exactly! I’d expect my exes that got on with my parents to go to their funeral too, we wouldn’t all be sitting together in the front row 😂

😂

You're actually asking this while she is still alive and most likely not dying any time soon ? 🤨

You put your big girl pants on and you act like an adult.
I'm stunned at the question

Narc stepmother did her very best to make my nan's funeral about herself,
and my mum still went, because she'd been the daughter-in-law for about four times as long.

Narc stepmother was tamping but there was sod-all she could do about it. Funerals don't have an invite list.

This is so weird on several levels. Why are you even thinking about this ?
Its nothing to do with you. She has obviously known his ex wife for a long time. You dont have to cut people out after 20 years just because they broke up.
You sound very insecure.

Talk about jumping the gun.

Deal with this situation as and when you need to.

So much could happen before then. You could split, his ex could not be in his life anymore.

All you can do at the time is ask if he’d like you there because you want to support him the best way you can.

Do you really have nothing else in your life to fill your days other than sit thinking about your boyfriends mum dying and his ex attending the funeral. The ex has every right to go because she has a relationship with his mum. Are you jealous he has an ex that he was with for a long time and still in contact with? Jealousy is the only reason I can’t think is why you’re even thinking about this!!

Fucking hell OP, why are you thinking ahead to the funeral of a woman who is very much alive and who you barely know! You sound utterly ridiculous.

What an utterly ridiculous post.
This is really the kind of nonsense that occupies your head space?