Would I be unreasonable if partner’s ex attends his mum’s funeral?

[CuteCandle]

More of a what would you do than an am I being unreasonable -

this is a hypothetical situation as my partners mum hasn’t passed yet, but she is elderly so likely will in the next few years. I have been with my partner 3 years. He has an ex who he was with for 20 years, separated 5 years ago, no kids together. I have only met his mum twice as she lives 4 hours away from us and me and my partner don’t live together so I don’t always see her when she visits him. He is still in touch with his ex as they own a holiday home together and have mutual friends. I have never met here and he gives the impression he would feel awkward if we did meet. His mum is still in touch with the ex, she went to a recent birthday party of the mum. I presume ex wll want to go to his mums funeral when she passes, I don’t mind not going as we’re not close but would want to support my partner so not sure what I should do when the time comes?

Both of you go surely

You are being v v v v v v v v v v unreasonable in oh so many ways

Wow 🫣

jealousy is exactly what it is!

HIs ex knew his Mum for 20 years and has remained friends with her - as is allowed.

Of course his ex would want to go to any funeral - the funeral of someone she knew for 20 years and cared enough about to stay in touch with.

Whether you go to support your partner is up to him and you. But it would be a normal thing to do.

And you would behave with dignity and grace.

Like a normal well adjusted grown up.

My dad was married more than once. At his funeral we obviously had his wife and her family. We also had his ex-wife plus lots of her family as they had all loved him and still been in contact with him. No awkwardness.

Had my mother still been alive, she probably would have been there with her husband. I have suspicions that several of the women at the funeral had had flings with him too. He had the wonderful capacity to stay on good terms with people once the relationship had moved on.

Blimey she’s not even dead!

You should all go to the funeral. HTH.

Christ on a bike. What have I just read?

Back in the real world. . .

How old is his mother Op? I find that some people think being elderly starts at 60.

You would go to the funeral, shake the ex’s hand, and act like an adult.

Your partner's mother's demise isn't all I'd be whittling about in your shoes. I'd also be asking whether she is going to be cremated or buried, what colour satin she has chosen for the coffin lining, what music will be played (if there are hymns, you need time to learn them off by heart), what the dress code is going to be, and where the wake will be.

I would just go, exchange a polite hello and keep it moving.

Someone in my partner’s family made an absolute scene due to an ex attending and let’s just say she’s unwelcome at every family reunion now.

Why are you even thinking about this when she's still alive!

Jesus Christ! Do you realise how utterly ridiculous this is (not to mention fucking weird!!!)

Poor woman is still here…living her life, and you’re busy pondering funeral arrangements! Have a word with yourself ffs! 🤦‍♀️

I mean you could die before her 🤷
What a strange thing to think about.

Agree with all the other posts, that this is such an odd thing to be thinking about, but I also have a question.

Why don't you make an effort to get to know this lady ?
I know the term 'partner' is used so very differently by different people. I know you say you don't live together with your partner and that his Mum lives some distance away, but if he sees you as his 'partner', then why wouldn't he include you in some of the time his Mum comes to visit him ? Isn't that a natural part of being a couple? Why not spend time together and get to know her?

You’d be completely unreasonable to not go to your partner’s mum’s funeral just because you’d meet his ex there.

Op, you come across as clingy and possessive...

OP I am 100% sure that your partner doesn't mean that - when it comes to it - you shouldn't attend his mum's funeral because it would be weird with his ex there. Assuming you're still together then I am very sure he will want your support and it won't make much difference whether she's there or not - and if it did, that's a whole different conversation. But - can't stress this enough - NOT one you should bring up with him at any point because you'll sound like a loon.

Were you planning on attending on a horse? When the time comes? If so you might be unreasonable.

Are you planning on banning the ex from the funeral? Yes. Unreasonable.

A funeral lasts 45 minutes at most. People need to sit and be quiet for that time and be civil to people in the few minutes afterwards. That's all, it's all very simple.

I was thinking that too! That would solve the problem anyway.

Well, she would go to her friend’s funeral. You would support your partner at his mum’s funeral. Everyone would behave like civilised adults.

Weirdy McWeird thread.

OP, you need a sense check about how you're coming over.

You need therapy OP