AIBU to call MIL again after she disinherited all grandkids?

[Namechangdforthis]

It’s an inheritance one. My fil died a few years ago. My mil almost immediately fell out with sil (her daughter). And ‘disinherited’ her and her kids. They had an argument about fil health and premature death. Mil blamed sil. Didn’t go down well. Meanwhile we’ve trundled along trying to keep the peace but failing. Last month mil fell out with her son (my husband). Over nothing much, a misunderstanding over email. Mil has now disinherited DH and our kids (her grand kids). So now she’s fallen out with everyone. Even snapped at me when I tried to be diplomatic, she’s never done that before.

We think she’s lonely, grieving and possibly got early signs of dementia. She has a couple of house employees who ‘help’ her. But she’s independent can drivers. They do Cleaning, some meals etc.

We all live several hours from each other, sadly.

I’m sad and astonished she’s cut off all of her grandkids (6). It seems really odd. She was often selfish and had a temper, but never towards them.

I don’t know what to do. Leave her to it? Call her again to discuss why she’s so angry? It feels too much like eastenders to be real, but it is.

YABU - leave her to it

YANBU - try and call her again

What are the employees like, could they be in her ear? Definitely let the dust settle a bit, but in case she is being taken advantage of, don't leave it too long.

Who will inherit then?

i wouldn’t be surprised if she hasn’t actually disinherited anyone.

She has a perfect right to do what she wants with her own money.

It might have been better if this thread focussed on her lonliness and grief rather than inheritance….

I know someone who was forever cutting different children out of her will. She had a lot of children. When she died it turned out she had never, ever had a will ever.

If your MIL didn't have money to leave, would you be bothering to reach out to her? If not, then leave her alone.

Stay out of it, OP. This is absolutely nothing to do with you. Your MIL can leave all her money to the donkey sanctuary if she wants - and, in her shoes, that's exactly what I would do, because families grubbing around for "their inheritance" are just nasty.

She sounds very controlling, it’s probably a storm in a teacup, she’s just saying she’s changing her will, but likely isn’t as I’m sure the solicitors would need to see her and she’d have to have it signed properly, it would likely take a bit of time.
in all
honesty I’d leave it to her kids, it’s not your argument, just support your DH and SIL

Unless your MIL has huge savings and investments there may well end up being nothing to leave to anyone, particularly if you think she may have dementia. If she is not talking to family, she will most likely end up in a home in that case and will burn through her money in care fees.

If you really believe she has written new wills, who do you think she has now named as beneficiaries?

Wow! There are a few posters on here judging me / my post by their own low standards. There’s not much more I can say to those posters. Ah well!

Chat with her. You don't need to be confrontational. Just a chit chat, guage how she is. Don't mention inheritance or anything, it's not relevant. She may just need a 'hello, how are you doing' chat.

My GM wrote in her will to leave it to her carers. She then became paranoid they would try to kill her for her money and changed it back!

Is withdrawing from all children a sign of dementia?

At this rate my mil will be alone, have no family support, won’t see her grandkids. Live in a lonely sad bubble which we’ll not be able to help. The over arching factor is mil has cut contact with her only DCs. It’s strange. And to answer pp about the employees at her house, no I don’t trust them to not be in her ear.

Has she still left her money to her children though? Presumably her children can then gift them as much of their own inheritance as they see fit?

Were they so upset that they turned down the inheritance?

No worse than family threatening to disinherit people as a weapon. I say leave her to itm if she wants to leave her money to the cat sanctuary and live out her days alone that's up to her. Let her get on with it

How do you know? I have only mentioned the intention of leaving an inheritance to one beneficiary.

How often would you see her/contact her in the normal course of things before the falling out, @Namechangdforthis ?

Personality change in my relative was the first sign. Look up ‘sundowning’ too. Some carers were ‘helpful’ in allowing relative to give them expensive items too. It would be useful to know who she is talking to.

You say that she is sad and grieving, and shows signs of dementia? Assuming she's always been nice before, it seems really mean that people are saying bad things about her. No, that behaviour is not ok, but people in pain/with dementia can't be held responsible in the normal way.
I'm not saying phone and be nice just because she'll will your kids money, but because it's the right thing to do-she raised the man you love and you wouldn't have your kids without her.

This really could be early dementia. Part of the angry phase. Have the carers been manipulating her? Giving her false information?

No one is entitled to any inheritance. I’d just let her get on with it.

You leave it for your Dh to sort. I am NC with my mum. Between them, my mum and stepdad have cut off all their children and grandchildren for various made up transgressions (the real reason is much worse, but not the story they tell people about why each of us is awful). I’d be annoyed if Dh went behind my back and was meddling. I suspect this is the grand finale of a long history of poor behaviour that will only make sense in retrospect one day.

She doesn't sound well. You know by instinct that this isn't like her, OP, so you'll do the best you can, I'm sure.