Mumsnet race to the bottom

[limeandwater]

I have noticed on MN there has been a real race to the bottom mentality. To be clear I am not talking about budget advice threads that can be incredibly helpful.

I am talking about the posters that think working people should be so accepting of a miserable life.

Again I am not talking about 5 star holidays in The Maldives, 26 plate Range Rovers, or shopping at Harrods Food Hall.

Somebody posts about the price of coffee then the response is to make your own and bring it with you. Somebody posts about the price of a cafe lunch on a family day out and the response is bring your own sandwiches. Somebody posted about the cost of running a car and the answer is cycle. Like that's realistic in a rainy December.

When did people get so accepting that life had to be miserable?

Some of the replies absolutely prove OPs point.

Those comments you complained about are sound advice. I don't think people should be too broke to enjoy some luxuries but sometimes it isn't an option. I started adulthood and spend childhood living in poverty, so all those ideas you criticise are the way I lived. I didn't drive until late 20s, I spent an hour walking to nursery drop off then work every morning, I took drinks out with me (still do) and would have never paid £3 for a coffee, I took sandwiches to the park in summer and enjoyed that as a nice day out, researched and attended free community events for other days out. I was very happy too, I made the most of what I had and I have some lovely memories.

Money's money, it's all just a means to an end anyway. In my early 20s I had a shit job and lived in a room that could barely fit a single bed. I cycled everywhere, brought packed lunches to work, drank the horrible free drip coffee and had about five outfits on rotation.

So did I save any extra pennies for a house deposit or pension? Did I fuck! All my money went on pubs, clubs, festivals, pasta dinners in Old Compton Street, gigs and parties. We had so much fun! It was the happiest time of my life, and I wouldn't change a thing.

In my early 20s, I had several 0% credit cards on the go and had the absolute best time partying in London and travelling the world. Your early 20s are not for staying home eating beans on toast every night, IMO. Thousands of pounds of debt (albeit not interest-bearing, and which I cleared as soon as a got a big promotion a massive pay bump) and I don’t regret it for a second.

IMO the nasties come out on weekend nights.

This is how Google says I could make a flat white at home without a machine-

“Yes, you can make a café-quality flat white at home without a machine by brewing strong coffee with a Moka pot, AeroPress, or French press and texturing milk using a French press or hand frother
. The key is creating concentrated coffee and silky, microfoamed milk (not thick foam) to achieve that signature 1/3 espresso to 2/3 milk ratio.”

Maybe I’m just a totally unique freak of nature, but I can’t see doing that at 5.50am in the morning and carting it 20 minutes walk to the station for my commute, as bringing me quite the same level of satisfaction as a flat white made fresh before I get on the train.

Not to mention that as a mum who spends her life making things for other people, occasionally it’s nice to treat myself to something someone else has made.

But yes you’re right, what strange blindness.

🙄

Maybe the issue is that some people are reading the posts and thinking those people need a solution rather than a moan.

We have so little control over what actually happens in our lives that its fine to have a winge if you are working hard and can't get something that you want, but in the end it is you making your life miserable.

We are all about to go through a tough and unaffordable year in which our money is not going to go far at all. So maybe the odd coffee 1 a week is the only thing we can look forward to. If thats the case you will have to make cuts somewhere else :)

See this an example. To me this person is having a moment of self-pity and someone has provided a very achievable solution. The reponse to that is full of sarcasm and defensiveness showing that this person doesn't really want a solution they just want to be down in the dumps.

You can put the most innocent of questions/answers on here and someone will try to vilify you for it.

No you are spectacularly missing the point as was the other poster.

1. I am not down in the dumps
2. Small things in life bring joy
3. Different things bring joy for different people
4. My train coffee used to bring me joy
5. Could I technically make coffee at home? Yes
6. Would that bring me the same joy? No for the reasons clearly outlined. That’s not really up for debate, it’s my personal preference not yours. I’m sure you have joys that I could take or leave.
7. Do I have other things that bring me joy? Yes
8. Do I still miss my train coffee? Yes

I don't know, IME mumsnetters tell you you're in a "race to the bottom" if you point out that 60k isn't actually an "average salary" or something like that. MN does skew richer and some people on it do seem genuinely oblivious to how life is for the majority.

That is bound to be the case. As I posted earlier some people are naturally problem people who like to moan but not do anything, some people are solutions people who rather than moan fix the issue. It is hard for the "solution" people to see why the "problem" people don't just fix the issue.

You see it in the work environment all the time.

There are people from all walks if life here.
I wouldnt dream of buying my kids lunch in costa as for me its a waste of money (that we have to budget) for somethinf not very good.
I do feel there is a real lack in society of people living within their means

Well I think I am correct about the defensive behaviour :)

Its fine to want a little coffee on the train if it makes your day. I understand. With this cost of living and petrol I have to rethink my Friday take away order which is something that brings me joy. I am also a bit grumpy about it when other people give me a solution or tell me to be grateful.

Some people chose to find a solution rather than have a grumble, thats all. Because we are talking through screens some of the intent of the conversation can get a bit lost.

Not the literal coffee per se, the lack of choice to buy the coffee. Or an equivalent spend on something not essential, so approximately £3.75. That’s what would be miserable 😞 unless you are addicted to literal coffee, then it would be miserable if you couldn’t afford to buy it!

Solution people 😁 pulling a cat’s bum face whilst sipping on a cold stewed tea from your grandad’s flask people might be a better label 😁 But I jest.

I had a coffee from Greggs today instead of making my own and cos I’m Mrs Moneybags I also shop at Waitrose (which is actually getting cheaper). I am pretty good with money so I can afford such fripperies. And a house. I mean, it’s not hard if you budget right? Maybe I should start giving out unsolicited advice to all the people on these threads that can’t afford what I can afford and try and make them feel like shit about their choices. It’s solution focused apparently.

I don’t think I have ever read the word coffee so much 😆

Solution people 😁 pulling a cat’s bum face whilst sipping on a cold stewed tea from your grandad’s flask people might be a better label 😁 But I jest.

😆

Could you perhaps get them once per month around pay day, rather than in the weekly shop?

@Dinodigsthats exactly what I mean, it’s not that people lack information or need to be told they can take a packed lunch it’s that they’re juggling a hundred other considerations that a home made sandwich isn’t going to change things materially. And when you’re in that kind of hole you don’t want to have to explain every decision to justify why cycling to work isn’t feasible for you or to argue the toss with people who can’t comprehend why it might not be feasible.

You sometimes just want someone to hear that you’re feeling a bit shit about life whether it’s because you can’t afford your weekly coffee on the train or you’ve tipped into losing your personal tax allowance.

Your moan doesn’t need to be worse than anyone else’s, and it doesn’t need to be justified - it can just be accepted that you’re finding this season of life tough, even if someone else thinks you’re living in clover.

Ooh please tell the secret of tasty flask tea! Whenever I make tea in a flask it tastes weird and metallic. I think its the milk getting warm that does it. Do you have it black?

<misses point of thread>

Taking your own coffee and packed lunch is 'miserable'?

Sorry but Hahaha don't be silly. It's just sensible

Yes!! I have it black. Can you take the milk in a separate mini flask?

I take a pack lunch to work most days - sometimes its a boring sandwich, other times its something nicer. I never buy coffee out because I dont drink coffee. I might buy lunch out (at pret usually) once every 2-3 weeks. The treat is mainly not having to think/prepare/plan lunch, for a change.

I almost think its irrelevant whether you could or couldnt replicate the same food at home, the treat is having a break from that! When my DC were young and budget was tight we did always take pack lunch everywhere, even in winter, ....but usually had a smaller treat like an ice cream, or a hot chocolate in a cafe. I dont think its unreasonable to want to occassionally buy food out.

Exactly . . .