Mumsnet race to the bottom

[limeandwater]

I have noticed on MN there has been a real race to the bottom mentality. To be clear I am not talking about budget advice threads that can be incredibly helpful.

I am talking about the posters that think working people should be so accepting of a miserable life.

Again I am not talking about 5 star holidays in The Maldives, 26 plate Range Rovers, or shopping at Harrods Food Hall.

Somebody posts about the price of coffee then the response is to make your own and bring it with you. Somebody posts about the price of a cafe lunch on a family day out and the response is bring your own sandwiches. Somebody posted about the cost of running a car and the answer is cycle. Like that's realistic in a rainy December.

When did people get so accepting that life had to be miserable?

That's the least reasonable of the suggestions. The others are absolutely normal things which millions of people do, rather than moaning about how they can't afford to buy stuff which they can just make themselves. YABVU.

There has never been a time when Costa coffee was not expensive. When I was in sixth form there was only girl who got costa every week and she was pretty out of touch with reality as "daddy" was very rich. What has changed is some peoples idea that they should get a coffee everyday, Even when I started work at a big four accounting firm sending someone out for coffees was weekly thing not multiple trips a day. Most people do with the instant coffee and the kettle. .

Why does suggesting taking your own coffee mean that someone treating anyone like this?

People do like to do extremes here, most odd.

Well I don’t have a coffee machine in my kitchen to make a flat white with for starters. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Noticing that the price of things you enjoy is going up and being sad about it is nothing to do with living within your means, or not.

I notice the race to the bottom on parenting support as well.
Someone will be having a hard time with a newborn and a toddler (which in itself is pretty normal) and saying they are struggling and need more support from their DH.
Cue hundreds of people to tell them to pull themselves together/put their big girl pants on/get a grip etc , that they had 5 children under 10 and their husband worked away for weeks at a time, and their family lived in another country and they coped just fine.
Luckily I didnt use MN when my DC were really young. I had PND after having my 2nd child and really beat myself up that I felt like I couldnt cope when other people could. If id come on MN I think would have felt a whole lot more shit about myself!

Agree about birthdays, most people irl think its perfectly acceptable to celebrate birthdays when you're an adult. MN seems to be very miserable and sneery about anyone daring to want to do anything at all for their birthday.

Aaaaand again

IF the £10 can be spent getting to work, it can - for free - be saved based on a short term bike loan, and then used to buy a cheap bike.

There is literally no difference between not having it because you spent it on bus fares and not having it because you put it aside to save for a bike. Whatever the thing that absorbed it was, it could be skipped to spend £10 on the bus, so it can be skipped to put £10 in the bike fund.

You talk about networks like it's some sort of rare privilege but anyone who lives somewhere long enough to make a few friends almost certainly can borrow a bike. And for those who really do not - eg refugees or families fleeing DV - there There are charities specifically set up to give bikes away because they enable people to travel and work so cheaply. And as a PP said, there are bikes being given away free on Facebook...

And honestly, this waterproof thing is very much a you thing. I get that you seem to think it's essential, but many many many people including me do cycle to work very happily without one so I'm not sure why you think your experience outweighs ours.

Because there is always a comment about how Costa (it's always Costa) is shit anyway and why hasn't the poster been spending 20 minutes waiting for a Bialetti stovetop maker to heat up every morning and another 20 minutes cleaning the bloody thing and how people who buy takeaway coffees drive 4x4s and spend £50 a month on their nails and and...

A cafe lunch every day?

Four Yorkshire women?
They should have tried living in Lincolnshire then they’d have known what hardship was.
😟😟😟.

I've actually been colouring my hair for years and cutting it only twice a year. This year I though "sod it" and now have cut and colour every three months for £120 and another cut inbetween for £45. I have short hair now and leaving it any longer is not an option although I am considering going to barbers every other appointment just to tidy up the sides and back.

See - perfect example. Snotty comment about waste from the woman this poster encountered.

Instant coffee is vile. May as well just drink mud. That's the point of this thread - posters being told that they should just reduce their standards in response to the cost-of-living crisis. And it being strongly implied that they were profligate wastrels for having such standards in the first place.

I come from a time before Costa. When I was at sixth form, we used to annoy coffee shop owners by turning up in a massive group and ordering two coffees between us. But that's because we spent all our money on cigarettes and clubbing, which I suspect MNers would have a fit about.

Well, I haven't had a holiday for 24 years. Not one, not even a long weekend away. Freelance, couldn't afford it, the cost of the holiday or the lost wages, double whammy.

But should I demand one? Say it's my 'right' for working all hours? It's what makes live liveable? Other people can afford holidays, how unfair. stomps feet

Or... I just live within my means. Bottom line. Yeah, it sucks, everything is expensive, everything is hard, we are (nearly) all feeling the pinch. But we also make decisions with our money, what we spend it on, what we prioritise. Maggie Thatcher was the one who encouraged spending, she encouraged borrowing beyond our means to buy things. This attitude isn't sustainable 100% of the time, we all hit highs and lows individually or as a country.

Thank you!

I reckon a lot of posters are actually just on here to berate other people and feel smug about it.

I deride it because it's fucking rank if it's all the same to you 😂

I think you’ll find you also think your experience outweighs mine. In fact they’re just very different experiences.

I think the cycling thing needs to be left, it is not a realistic suggestion for many people for many reasons. People might have equipment they need, the route unsafe or too far. They might have children to drop or collect, these see very common scenarios! Plus I genuinely know one with a bike I could borrow! I think perhaps if you cycle yourself, you are more likely to know someone with a bike!

Of course coffee and lunch bought everyday is an extravagance, but everyone should be allowed the odd treat! People on here can be very sniffy about people deserving any pleasure in life!! There is a difference between prioritising money and berating someone for the odd treat!

This thread absolutely proves the race to the bottom mentality.

And when you look back on your life, will you honestly think 'yeah I'm really glad I didn't spend any money seeing the world or doing fun stuff, what a fucking result'? I mean if so, then fair play to you. But quite a lot of us, myself included, think along the lines of 'fuck it, you only live once.' That doesn't mean going mental and ending up homeless and massively in debt, but having a credit card isn't one of the Deadly Sins either.

I never buy lunch or coffees because I work from home. Which MNers also hate. It is a truth universally acknowledged that, whatever you do in life, pious posters on MN will come at you for it.

Well - this is how I made my coffee for years and years, before we got a coffee machine, and I always managed to make delicious coffee, @Ninerainbows. It is definitely possible to make good coffee with a cafetière and cheaper ground coffee.

In the long run it would be cheaper to have instant whilst you save up for one. Then think of the joy of waking up to fresh coffee before heading out to work.