Stag do plans and suspect abbreviations

[WestlieJ]

DP is joint best man for a close friends Wedding in early summer and the stag is abroad next month. DP sorted the logistics of booking, chasing everyone for payment etc (there is 16 people going). The other best man has put together a ‘plan’ for the long weekend and sent to DP for his approval.

I’ve seen this because it’s saved to iCloud and we can jointly access that through the iPad we share to watch Netflix etc.

It’s all fairly standard stuff, but the final section is titled ‘expected costs’ and lists things such as a beer, meal in restaurant, etc, to help people budget. Within this section there are abbreviations, which I’ve taken to be ‘dodgy’ given they are not written in full and one is fairly obviously a strip club, although no idea on ‘MP’.

Ive got it in front of me as took a photo so have written out exactly:

SC - Ent: €10-20 / PD: €50-70
MP - €50 / HR +€30 / OWO + €40 / PM,SO +€50 / FS €100

I have already asked DP who said he scanned over the main itinerary and didn’t even realise that last section was on there and has no idea what it means. He also said he never has and never will step foot in a strip club.

Am I being naive to think DP was unaware? And does anyone know what the last part means?

You can tell the character of a man by the things he does.
The character of a woman can be judged by the things she would never think of doing.

I think OP has all the information she asked for. I find it mind boggling that the other best man (also married) has gone to lengths to make these enquiries and “publish” them. If single/cheating stags want to engage then (whilst gross) that’s up to them but why would he facilitate them with his generous budget planning. I smell more than 1 rat here…

Have any men commented on this thread be good to get input!!!

OP, it's your choice now. We've all told you our opinions, if you want to believe he's off visiting a museum, whilst his mates are paying sex workers, its up to you.

Yep.

"I said to him when I saw the list that I’ve never known a stag do to be ‘costed’ and that seems overly thoughtful for a group of men. His response was the best man is mindful it’s a cost of living crisis and he doesn’t want people to lose out when exchanging left over funds. I think the real reason is now clear!"

Looking at that reply again in the light of what you now know OP... doesn't that seem like an absolutely bullshit excuse? "The best man is mindful of the cost of living crisis"... Perleeese

And his "Wagatha" reply.. all very jolly jolly and jokey jokey.. but it's actually quite a serious thing, you've discovered that he's going on a holiday with a group of friends who are all expecting to pay for sexual services. ie.. a group of men intending to cheat on their partners to some degree. It implies full sex on the "menu" the Best Man so kindly provided. It can't be brushed off as a joke or a bit of harmless fun because it happens under the cover of a Stag Do and what happens in Benidorm ... etc.

He's not being honest with you, even when confronted with evidence. ie... he thinks he is cleverer than you and can convince you to believe any old rubbish, which means he's still planning on attending.

I'd forward the email to all the other WAGS

Erm. He’s been before. He didn’t have to make enquiries ffs 😂. He’s just letting anyone who hasn’t been before know how much cash to bring. They all know it’s a sex trip already.

Yes and not helpful at all. It takes time to process things, especially when seeing a different side to a partner you've been in a good relationship with for a while and had no inkling of. It's difficult to believe, it's easy for them to gaslight you. No one wants to destroy a relationship over what could be something or nothing. He hasn't actually done anything wrong atm. He's laughed about it and made out it's normal, it is in some circles so then it's even harder for OP to realise that's it ok to not be okay with this.

It may be that OPs partner wouldn't have any intention of doing anything but the laughing about it doesn't bode well, he hasn't said oh shit I know I'm mortified and dont know how to deal with this please help me out here. If he's genuinely appalled by it you need to ask him why he feels the need to be such a people pleaser and go along with it op because it's also ok for him to say I'm not okay with this and won't be coming and arrange something else with the stag. If he actively wants to go and carries on gaslighting you over it I think that's speaks volumes but it may take time to realise and come to terms with.

Trust him all you want but I would be telling him he will need to have an “all clear” letter from your local STD Clinic before he thinks of sleeping in your bed after the stag.

🤮🤮🤮

OWO is 100 percent Oral without. I know this because I caught my ex purchasing such activities on adult work and had to do a whole host of grotesque detective work.

This group of men obviously see women as a commodity that they can use their grubby money to abuse.

I was also led to believe my partner found even attending a strip club uncomfortable and gross. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree usually in these types of males groups.

Personally - strip clubs and all the "extras" that seem to be on offer here, are really old fashioned and cliched - it's a bit like a strippergrams used to be.
I'd find the whole thing a bit seedy/uncomfortable, certainly my DP would not be impressed by it, it costs a fortune from the shopping list above and I have better things to spend my money on, frankly it's not my idea of fun.
I've been on a couple of stag dos with younger relatives and whilst there was a certain amount of drink taken the other activities were "urban golf" ( basically crazy golf with expensive beers), axe throwing, go karting, brewery trips and meals and it would never have been on the agenda.
I can sort of get the "well we're just putting it out there for the people who want to go to a club/sex worker and I'm not going" but in that case he should have been honest about it at the start but make it very clear that he wasn't "partaking"...

'Hand Relief' sounds likes someone who pops over and does a spot of laundry or hoovering... I want hand relief.

This! 'Until he gives me reason to not', well I think a list of sex worker services for a trip he's going on is reason!

Please don't believe any 'I went home early' bollocks. These arseholes are his friends, he is one of them 🤮.

I will throw myself under the bus if you wish :)

First and foremost in my thoughts is that the OP knows her bloke WAY better than any of do. If she trusts him, she says she does then that is down to her.

think I read somewhere that some of the group the hubby doesn't know or know very well, suppose he can't pick who comes and doesn't.

The message/list was on a shared iCloud that i can only assume the hubby knew his wife might see? Obviously unless he is that daft that he didn't think about the consequences he didn't give the list a second thought or indeed didn't see all the abbreviations.

Now onto the BIG subject of strip clubs/massage parlours etc. My thoughts of those are...

It's not for me, I have been to a couple of 'lads' weekend away, granted in the UK but many places (Blackpool springs to mind) have 'gentlemens' establishments....
I was with a group of 10 blokes, after many beers and kebabs etc, it was suggested, hey lets go to a lap dancing club. We all walked up the stairs, I got to the top and thought, why am i doing this?? I have no interest in paying someone to wriggle on my lap and i pay them money! So, I walked back to the hotel on my own.. When we all met for breakfast the next day i was told that i missed out on a great night and a couple of them decided to find a brothel after!

That was it for me, I didn't go out with that group again, wasn't and never has been my scene.

If people want to visit those places, I don't judge them or think less of them, it's what they want to throw money at... Obviously i don't agree if they have partners/wives, that's cheating in my eyes.

For the women working in lap dancing clubs, that is there choice and again I don't judge them for choosing that career/profession same as I don't judge anyone who frequents them.

My (ex) wife has been to many hen doo's and girls nights where strippers have been and also when the strippers do 'extra's' with the ladies... I never thought for one minute she did anymore than watch... She would come home and say it was ok till the blokes came out lol and how many of her friends took part in the 'extra's' bit... They were mostly married women that took part..

So to summarise, I wouldn't partake in the abbreviated bits.

Hope it all works out for you both, if your relationship is strong and built on trust then all is good with letting him go.

No idea if what i have written is right or wrong in everyone's eyes but that's my thoughts.

Your husband is at the very least complicit with sending out a price list for sex acts with trafficked women to his buddies.

And all of them are hiding this from their wives. He did and then lied to you about it.

If that's not a reason to not trust your husband, you're foolish.

You'd be dumb to have unprotected sex with him until you have full STI screening including herpes testing for some months after his return.

Some of these partners could be pregnant.

I'm betting that if he goes, the chat won't be visible on the iCloud anymore. And that he'll say he played on the slot machines whilst everyone else went with the girls. Yes, I swallowed that bullshit.

OP, speaking from experience it's hard to see who someone really is when you love & trust them like you love & trust your DH. I did that with mine for most of my adult life and now I see what's what, I realise that I blindly swallowed his deflections, minismising and excuses for decades. I also had the view that neither of us were each other's keepers - some one here could have easily slapped the "cool wife" brand on me that has been bandied about on this thread - and now he is with a woman half his age and somehow I didn't see it coming. Please don't be me.

Lovely.

Thirty plus years ago it was a pub crawl and a curry.

"For the women working in lap dancing clubs, that is there choice and again I don't judge them for choosing that career/profession same as I don't judge anyone who frequents them."

@dadtoateen If you really believe this then you are part of the problem. 😡. The majority of them have no choice whatsoever.

'First and foremost in my thoughts is that the OP knows her bloke WAY better than any of do. If she trusts him, she says she does then that is down to her'

Oh please. He's going on a trip where sex workers will be used. Nice to trust folk until they reveal themselves to be sleazy and untrustworthy.

Great. Bloke comes along and gives the OP something to cling to.

She’ll be like, ha, told you, NAMALT.

Ignoring the fact her DP lied that he hadn’t seen the list, lied about not knowing what it was, laughed at her “wagatha” and decided she was so fucking thick that she’d swallow some bullshit about this considerate guy worrying about the cost of living crisis. Jeez.

OWO is without a condom. So unprotected sex is on sale. As said the prices are cheap, so the girls are being exploited/trafficked.

I know of a stag do were they all came back with gonorrhea. It was too coincidental to have not come from the same brothel/woman. It's isn't uncommon to do a home visit and see to them all, that's also when prices are cheap.

Gross. It’s a lads sex trip and my DH wouldn’t be going…or he would no longer be my DH.

No, I am not part of the problem. Please do not label me like that.

No need for it.

Best case scenario, OP, your husband is naive and didn’t know what those abbreviations meant (HIGHLY unlikely).

most likely scenario - these men are planning on going to a SC where they can at best objectify women (highly likely to be trafficked, possibly underage),and at worst, sexually exploit them.

even if your husband doesn’t go, or goes, but doesn’t ´take part’ - the outcome is still horrendous - ie aiding and abetting a group of disgusting men to perpetuate the objectification and abuse of women, under the guise of entertainment and tourism.

why should this kind of BS be given a free pass? If we don’t take a stand, who will?? If we don’t object loudly and with consequences, when will trafficking and sexual exploitation ever end? The personal really is political, there is no shying away from it.

Did the op say that her hubby lied about the above?

He could be telling, dare say it.... The truth! Minimal chance I grant you.....

I didn't come along and give her something to cling to.. She is a grown up and will hopefully make her own mind up.

So it's also 'fact' that he considers his partner thick?

Anyway, again good look to the op, whatever you decide I hope it all works out for you both.