Stag do plans and suspect abbreviations

[WestlieJ]

DP is joint best man for a close friends Wedding in early summer and the stag is abroad next month. DP sorted the logistics of booking, chasing everyone for payment etc (there is 16 people going). The other best man has put together a ‘plan’ for the long weekend and sent to DP for his approval.

I’ve seen this because it’s saved to iCloud and we can jointly access that through the iPad we share to watch Netflix etc.

It’s all fairly standard stuff, but the final section is titled ‘expected costs’ and lists things such as a beer, meal in restaurant, etc, to help people budget. Within this section there are abbreviations, which I’ve taken to be ‘dodgy’ given they are not written in full and one is fairly obviously a strip club, although no idea on ‘MP’.

Ive got it in front of me as took a photo so have written out exactly:

SC - Ent: €10-20 / PD: €50-70
MP - €50 / HR +€30 / OWO + €40 / PM,SO +€50 / FS €100

I have already asked DP who said he scanned over the main itinerary and didn’t even realise that last section was on there and has no idea what it means. He also said he never has and never will step foot in a strip club.

Am I being naive to think DP was unaware? And does anyone know what the last part means?

The egging on and acting like it's their right cos it's a stag do makes me so much angrier.

My husband has organised a few stags and I can imagine this happening to him simply because men really don't communicate well especially with people they don't know well (if the other best man is a close friend of OPs husband then I'd be more wary). The ones who want to go to cities known for these attractions are always the loudest and most forceful with their opinions, to start off with.

He went on one a while back, fiancé of one of my friends so he didn't know anyone but the stag; he had the worst weekend of his life and since sworn off ever going on one again. He knew the stag had promised not to even go in a strip club (he really isn't the sort) but there was a massive showdown between the group dragging him off to one and the rest. From the group chat and conversation the next day, he knows a smaller group went from SC to prostitutes and said "what's the point in a stag do if you're not getting laid" - at least one was the perfect image of a family man. He had to block me from telling the wife at the wedding (probably not the time or place but I felt sick watching her going about life not knowing he was scum).

All the men who went to the strip club were married as far as I know. On the other hand, one of the wives was on the hen and was trying her absolute darndest to cheat on him too, and I really don't wanna be tarred with the same brush. Some people are just bad people / have prior agreements.

There are men out there that aren't interested and stags are a mix of people who don't know each other all trying to have a good time, lots of machismo. The costing is likely the amount they want added to the kitty for the stag to have his way paid but there's no way of knowing if the stag has any idea about it. I don't know, I just wouldn't make assumptions about the OPs husband, I'd get him to explain what he thinks is acceptable as a starting point before overreacting.

Another point, the £4B spent per year on sex workers will be massively concentrated in regular users. It's not like £120 per man per year spread over the whole population. Yes, users will hide it from their partners. It doesn't mean all partners are doing it.

Have we decided what PM, SO means? It’s like the final crossword clue I can’t solve.

Exactly, he’s already lied about not seeing the list or knowing what it means!

OP, you’re a woman who I assume has never frequented strip clubs and massage parlours, but even you and most of the women on this thread managed to work out what the abbreviations mean. Of course he knew. It’s not that cryptic.

So he lied about the list and took you for a fool. What else is he lying about? You can’t trust anything that comes of his mouth regarding this stag do now.

I'd be tempted to share with all the participants partners. Fucking grim.

Gawd how rank and unsubtle AF.

You'd think they'd have the nous to keep that side of it quiet or only speak verbally face to face about it if that's what they've all got planned.

Do they think women are stupid? Well they think they're sex objects as long as it's a stag and the person is in another country and who cares if they're trafficked. It's cheap! 🤢

Personally I think he has given you a reason not to trust him.

No one is holding a gun to his head to go along on this stag do. The fact that these people are his mates and he is choosing to go would make me see him in a very different light. As PPs have pointed out, many (most?) sex workers are being horribly exploited and I cannot even imagine having a partner who would turn a blind eye to this kind of behaviour from friends, even if (and it's a big IF) he wasn't actively involved himself.

Do these messages not give you reason to not trust him?

I would not be happy with my husband attending this stag do.

In fact, he wouldn't go out of respect.

To think of the bride going to huge efforts to organise all of the special details of their Big Day…

And this is what’s being planned by The Lads.

You are being very naïve OP, if you think he co-organised this and yet 'you trust' that he didn't know, and won't partake.

Apparently someone said upthread SO= strap-on.

what is the stag himself like? Is he aware and approving of all this? Is it a case of the other best man has just taken over and no one has the balls to stand up to him? I think if the stag approves it doesn't really matter how much your dh doesnt know the others, he's best mates with someone who thinks it's acceptable too. I can't imagine being best friends with someone whose views were so opposing to my own on such matters. And as much as anyone will say 'oh I'd never do that', once the booze is consumed and the peer pressure is on and the 'she'll never find out' comments swirl around people make stupid decisions. Even those that fall into the 'they're not the type to cheat on me' category.

Are you kidding me??

Where is your hear if you think the majority of women who work in brothels are there by choice? Asa 20yr old I had an evening job in a lap dancing club (I worked on The welcome desk), and it was a window in to thw darkest most depressing reality for some girls and women. I met girls whose ‘boyfriends’ would drop them off and pick them up and single mothers trying to make a living. It wasn’t empowering, it was degrading.

OP if you think this is ok you need to give your head a wobble.

It’s 2026, we ALL know about sex trafficking and exploitation. Do you honestly think a woman would let a stranger ejaculate in to her mouth by choice? Would you?? If the woman isn’t there by choice she’s there through desperation.

Any woman who thinks ‘this is what men do’ when they get together with friends needs to look deeply at who she’s sleeping with and why her standards are so low.

It is NOT normal for your husband, partner, boyfriend to have sex or a blow job just because ‘they’re on a stag do’

YUK!

I really don’t mean this rudely OP, but if you trust him and are happy to turn a blind eye to other women’s sexual safety, then why bother asking mumsnet?

How naive of you to think he won’t “be one of the boys”. Men are completely different when they’re around their dodgy mates. You don’t see that side of him.

Controlling or not there’s no way in hell I’d be waving my dh off to a sex festival.

You are very naive OP. The guy did not send that list of abbreviations without there having been any other chat amongst the group about the plans for the weekend. They’ve talked about it, they know what they’re planning to do and the other best man was just costing it out for everyone.

No one sends that without first having talked to the attendees about the plans. Including talking to your partner who has been quite avoidant about talking about this, including his wagatha reply to your message. He knew.

I would hazard a guess that there’s not one single woman that works in an overseas brothel that services stag do’s that isn’t trafficked or exploited.

I know that there are some sex workers who do it out of choice ( as per the recent AMA) but those women are not the ones working in brothels giving full sex to entire stag do’s for €100 a pop.

Yes, I only found out for certain at Christmas so it's still fairly early days, but we're doing OK after the initial few weeks of hell. This actually helped me feel able to get a LOT of quelled trauma of things he's done to me in the past (he's trauma bonded me) which he took on the chin for the first time ever. This vulnerability from him made me like him a lot more, as I've been carrying around 16 years of simmering resentment, even though on surface we were a top tier couple. He also seems to have changed a bit, I'm not confident he's changed completely, but there's subtle signs & he seems to have more fire in his belly for himself and for me. I'll never trust him again though & I'll never take back the previous pride of being the laidback/cool wife who let's her husband do whatever he wants (although he never frequently socialised tbf) because I've learnt that in the majority of cases, this eventually comes back to bite you, sadly. Hence why I've gone from being quite a 'lad' in my personality, to being absolutely scathing on threads like this (sorry OP!)

Are you in therapy separate from him? Because if he’s put you through so much that you call yourself trauma bonded to him, then maybe you should be getting some help to move towards freedom from him. I really hope you don’t stay with him.

He is giving you a reason not to trust him because he is co organising a stag do with prostitution costings.

His excuse is CoL (which is bollocks because who goes to abroad to benidormand costs the price of a beer in the name of being considerate?!) But he's said nothing about the acronyms.

Last one my son went on they stayed in a hostel in the lake district, bbq and go karting.
However, my nephew's stag they went to a city where ds2 and dd live.Dh, bil and ds3 went with lots of nephew's mates. DN asked dd to come along for a few drinks. Which she did, went to a few pubs then a meal with her dad and uncle. At the wedding a month later, all the stags were there with partners. She said she was tempted to go up to them and tell all the gfs about their blokes who'd tried it on with her and given her their numbers. Including the best man there with his very pregnant wife and two kids.

Oh dear. Not just sex workers then. No group* goes on a Benidorm stag do for the sun.

*not to say individuals wouldn’t stay faithful OP, but generally speaking.

Fuck me OP. You’re incredibly naive.

He has done this before, he is involved, he knows what’s going on.

Head in the sand, like many women before you. He’ll be laughing his fucking dick off, all the way down Benidorm strip to the knocking shop. You’re basically giving him permission in his mind. Cool wife shit 🤣

And coming back to add that men on a budget don't cost the number of beers and sex acts they can afford. Bollocks.

Sorry but you're being so naive about him because you love him.

I think you need to raise your bar.

Also, cost of living 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Good one.

Jesus wept OP. The reason they need to tally up before they go is not because petrol prices are high! It’s so they can make sure they have the cash, avoiding any suspicious transactions on the bank statement.

You are sooo naive