Stag do plans and suspect abbreviations

[WestlieJ]

DP is joint best man for a close friends Wedding in early summer and the stag is abroad next month. DP sorted the logistics of booking, chasing everyone for payment etc (there is 16 people going). The other best man has put together a ‘plan’ for the long weekend and sent to DP for his approval.

I’ve seen this because it’s saved to iCloud and we can jointly access that through the iPad we share to watch Netflix etc.

It’s all fairly standard stuff, but the final section is titled ‘expected costs’ and lists things such as a beer, meal in restaurant, etc, to help people budget. Within this section there are abbreviations, which I’ve taken to be ‘dodgy’ given they are not written in full and one is fairly obviously a strip club, although no idea on ‘MP’.

Ive got it in front of me as took a photo so have written out exactly:

SC - Ent: €10-20 / PD: €50-70
MP - €50 / HR +€30 / OWO + €40 / PM,SO +€50 / FS €100

I have already asked DP who said he scanned over the main itinerary and didn’t even realise that last section was on there and has no idea what it means. He also said he never has and never will step foot in a strip club.

Am I being naive to think DP was unaware? And does anyone know what the last part means?

My nephew and his pals went hillwalking in Wales for my nephew's stag weekend.

In a civilised society that wasn't built on misogyny, any woman whose sense of self esteem and personal dignity had been so destroyed that she seemed to be willing to sell for money to strangers activities that would otherwise be part of what is given and receieved for mutual joy within a relationship - would be recognised as needing psychological and practical support. No man would accept her offer because he would recognise that the offer came as a consequence of pain and trauma that he wouldn't want to exploit. People who are themselves psychologically balanced and recognise the full humanity of a vulnerable person making such an offer are not tempted to accept and participate.

Wow! That is beautiful. And very true

Shame shame shame on any man who uses women .....by paying or any other way

And shame shame shame on the men who stand by and allow it to happen

Yes I know so many men that have outdoorsy stag dos thay don't involve sleaze and misogyny.
If my dh was the sort to go to benidorm to fuck sex workers we'd never have got together in the first place. Think these awful types are easy to spot tbh

DH just went to the local pub with a load of mates, but this was over 40 years ago when that was generally the done thing.

It also sounds pretty bloody scary, can you imagine being physically attached to a man you don’t know who’s gradually getting more wasted/is already wasted?? One who thinks your whole existence is a bit of a joke, no less.

Who do you think is propping up the multi billion pound sex industry? Who are these men, if they're not the ones planning and costing out a visit to sex workers? Who are these men, if not these men?

Key here is "recommended by an ex-pat local so it's ok on the ethics front'. Because nobody wants to admit they're a grubby rapist adjacent sex pest do they?

They're not easy to spot. That's the point.

Gosh, how naive!

You do realise that some people turn to sex work to fund addictions. Some are forced into it. It's not always about self esteem or personal dignity. It's about surviving for some people.

Well going on a stag do to Benidorm would be a clue.

Beautifully put.

It makes me sad as a woman that I don't think there will be a civilised society like this in my lifetime. Perhaps not even in my children's lifetimes. A previous poster said it as well; if men spent as much of their energy hating on misogyny rather than hating on feminism, then this civilised society where women are seen as equal human beings and not service humans would exist.

All of the men taking part in this Stag weekend, either actively ('right I'm off to rape trafficked women, see you all later!') or passively ('Big Dave can go rape trafficked women for money, nowt to do with me, I'll see you at the pub later!') are complicit in this misogyny. Any decent man would refuse to go full stop. The Op's DH has sadly shown with all her updates about the situation that he is not a decent man, neither is the groom, none of them are.

The truth is so horrifying to face that most women turn away from it. If I'm really honest with myself, what would I do? To have your trust and your love for a man broken in such an awful way is not an easy thing to bear. It makes me think again of Gisele Pelicot, and how she turned the shame on the men who raped her. Something snapped in me when I first read that story and all the details about it. That is a story that proved to me just how many men, how many 'ordinary' men would think nothing of doing this. And those that wouldn't do it, didn't speak up, turned the other way. Like any of them on this Stag not taking part, they are turning the other way, despite the horrible truth of what their friends are doing.

I hope with love and empathy and understanding we can show future male children what not to do, to listen to the humans who birthed all of our species; women matter, we matter, we are fully human and do not turn the other way when this happens, call it out, shun those men, stop it, cut it off at the root. Sadly with the prevalence of porn and the spread of the internet and easier access to all of these things, I don't see it happening. 😔

I feel desperately sad for the op, but she won't return to this thread now. The truth can't be faced, it's too awful. Not everyone can be as brave as Gisele and I include myself in that. Women have fought for too long and too hard against all this. It's up to the men now to start pushing back.

A question could be why your DH is happy to socialise with men then watch them walk in one direction while he goes in another, knowing they'll be sweating over and forcing themselves onto vulnerable women for cash, and then meet them again for a pint and chat about the footy.

My point was that they don't all wear t shirts saying I fuck sex workers behind my wife's back. It's nice that you feel really secure, the the detatchment and acceptance your DH shows when his mates walk off and visit brothels, is big part of the problem.

'All of the men taking part in this Stag weekend, either actively ('right I'm off to rape trafficked women, see you all later!') or passively ('Big Dave can go rape trafficked women for money, nowt to do with me, I'll see you at the pub later!') are complicit in this misogyny. Any decent man would refuse to go full stop'

Problem is the ones who go don't see it as misogyny, trafficked women or anything bad at all. You only have to read 'reviews' they leave on sex sites 'she really loved it' <and much, much worse> to see they are deluded. They see it like a cheeky pint after work just a bit of fun to hide from the missus.

It's all quite depressing.

Ooo! My post got cancelled as I called a man, who turns a blind eye to his mates using prostitutes, an idiot for revealing his misogynistic beliefs then denying them. Let's see how long this message stays put.

'My point was that they don't all wear t shirts saying I fuck sex workers behind my wife's back. It's nice that you feel really secure, the the detatchment and acceptance your DH shows when his mates walk off and visit brothels, is big part of the problem'

Yes I know and my point is they don't have to wear tshirts. Stag dos or 'lad trips' to sex worker central places would be all you need to know to give you a clue.

My ex H never went on a stag do or lads trip. He was fucking sex workers on his lunch break. I didn't see it coming and would never have guessed

Had he been a 'lad', we would never have got together

Yes sorry there's obviously the creeps who act like Mr Nice and are anything but, I meant broadly those who go to stag dos to Benidorm, Prague or Thailand tend to be the sort who think a happy ending in a sex club is harmless and all a bit of a laugh.

Huh? What part of "turning to sex work to fund addictions" do you think isn't covered by "needing psychological and practical support"?? It's obvious that if someone is an addict they need a hell of a lot of help and support to overcome the addiction. Drug addiction is very much one of the routes by which a woman might be railroaded into prostitution. I did not attempt to give a full list of potential causes because there is no cause that is more or less worthy of help and support than others.

Where do you think the women who turn to sex work to fund their addictions will get that help? Both to get free of drugs and to remove themselves from the environment that they are currently in?

Quite aware of this - I'm a qualified addiction worker

Where do you think the women who turn to sex work to fund their addictions will get that help?

@ByBreezyUser read the whole post beginning: "In a civilised society that wasn't built on misogyny". This is referring to a hypothetical better world. In which things would be different.

I'm very glad to hear it, I just don't understand why you appear to be arguing with me when I'm saying that a civilised society would provide all the help of this kind that is needed, in full measure

Maybe read the thread?