Stag do plans and suspect abbreviations

[WestlieJ]

DP is joint best man for a close friends Wedding in early summer and the stag is abroad next month. DP sorted the logistics of booking, chasing everyone for payment etc (there is 16 people going). The other best man has put together a ‘plan’ for the long weekend and sent to DP for his approval.

I’ve seen this because it’s saved to iCloud and we can jointly access that through the iPad we share to watch Netflix etc.

It’s all fairly standard stuff, but the final section is titled ‘expected costs’ and lists things such as a beer, meal in restaurant, etc, to help people budget. Within this section there are abbreviations, which I’ve taken to be ‘dodgy’ given they are not written in full and one is fairly obviously a strip club, although no idea on ‘MP’.

Ive got it in front of me as took a photo so have written out exactly:

SC - Ent: €10-20 / PD: €50-70
MP - €50 / HR +€30 / OWO + €40 / PM,SO +€50 / FS €100

I have already asked DP who said he scanned over the main itinerary and didn’t even realise that last section was on there and has no idea what it means. He also said he never has and never will step foot in a strip club.

Am I being naive to think DP was unaware? And does anyone know what the last part means?

Did you read the op? This isn't about a strip club it is about sex workers and paying for sex services.

You seem to have missed that it’s no different for gen. That’s not acceptable either for people with normal standards.

Exactly, this is his social circle even if he doesn't know all of them he knows some of them, this is what they do. This is what every night out and stag do will consist of. Bit more secretly now he's been rumbled though.

Never fails to amaze me how some men such revolting, dirty scroots?

I’ve never been to a hen party where one of the other hens sent out a list beforehand, showing what we could buy (and the prices) from these males—oral sex, full sex, etc. Have you?

Nailed it (pardon the pun).

This is pathetic OP. If this is the type of company your DP keeps, it does reflect on him. Pond life. Up to you if you want to lower yourself among this shite.

I don't agree with that either. And it seems clear they're not just going to a strip club, they're going to have sex with prostitutes.

He may not be planning to 'use the services' himself, but he's OK with having pay-to-rape as one of his stag activities. He's happy to have half a dozen or more known rapists as close friends, including 2 with a high likelihood of raping trafficked children.

If I were the bride, I'd want to know

I've only been to one hen party with a male stripper, 20 years ago. We were barely out of our teens and very green.

The young bride was blindfolded and surprised and broke down in tears. It was deeply uncomfortable then and as an adult now I'd absolutely have intervened and tbh it wouldn't happen now at all on my watch. The bloke was an absolute letch encouraging touching and needing to be told quite forcefully by the brides mum to back off.

So again, young naive women who didn't know better than to think it would be a laugh, and a man that wanted his dick touched.

Follow up to my previous post, I used 'known rapists' very deliberately.

Every man (and every woman) has rapists in their social or professional circles. Everyone. Under conditions of guaranteed anonymity, and if the word 'rape' isn't actually used, 1 in 6 men will admit to having raped.

1 in 6

Those are the ones who admit it. Even anonymously some won't. Of the remaining 5, some will have done it but not owned up. Some will not recognise that they have done it (for example sex with a trafficked prostitute). And some won't have done it at the time they were asked aged 19 (the figures mainly come from.reseach on university students) but will have done by the time they are 30, or 40, or 70.

Sickeningly, we all know them. The question is whether we know we know them.

There's a massive difference between thinking Barry from accounts seems a nice bloke, when you've only ever discussed the monthly budget numbers and whether he saw the match last night; and your friend telling you he's just had a great week in Thailand with a different teenage prostitute every night and you responding with 'Nice one mate, fancy coming on my stag do in Benidorm?'

The stag knows what the '6 or 7' men do. He knows it well enough, and is comfortable enough with it to chat openly about it so the OP's husband - who doesn't actually know these men - to also knows what they do.

Known rapists. Willingly invited and facilitated.

Yeah female strippers rarely get fully naked and are never allowed to be touched……… unless you pay em extra!

Yes hence the helpful shopping list of 'fees' provided by the creepy best man.

He can't still be going ahead with the trip now OP ?

One day maybe. Hopefully without an accompanying STI.
Of course it would be ideal if her husband wasn’t one of the shit ones, but it doesn’t look hopeful.
Best of luck op, you may well need it.

Oh he doesn't want to let the groom down apparently.
He'll go, the stags will have all learnt a very important lesson here and messages will now be hidden.

Prostitution and exploited women in certain 'stag destinations' can only thrive because men like the OP's partner - and, I have to say, women like OP - are prepared to collude with it. "Oh he is going yes, but he won't be partaking." "Oh nooo, they're not that close and he didn't really know the ones who used the prostitutes." "Oh well, he didn't actually book it, did he?"

All this kind of utter shite and whataboutery. Pathetic. The fact is, by going on this trip, the partner is complicit in the exploitation of women. Whether he personally uses them or not, he knows what is going on. And OP is also complicit in not calling it out and putting up with it. Of course she should tell the bride and other partners. What they do with this info is up to them, but she shouldn't just collude with exploitation. Do the right thing OP. Ffs.

Men like to say " not all men" and yet their acquaintances exploit women and treat them as objects....and they do nothing and say nothing about it. And the wives are afraid of upsetting the husbands and boyfriends, as, god help us all, THAT is the most important thing...not to upset the fucking Patriarchy. Does #metoo mean nothing??

Epstein mentality in spades "- let's all us males use and abuse trafficked women because we can afford it and have no care for women or girls and we will all pretend that its ok because.... its abroad /we're paying /they're all scrubbers anyway " nice men aren't they????

This is a really important post, I hope the op @WestlieJ does return and reads this, reads it again and starts to have the dawning realisation about what is actually happening here.

Op, it's utterly shit having the rug pulled from under your feet, but unfortunately you need to face up to all the red flags here and the truth of the situation.

We've had posts from other women on this thread who have experienced the same, posts from women who used to be in prostitution highlighting what the abbreviations mean and also most alarmingly, how cheap the services (100% confirming that these are trafficked, raped and abused women). We've had post from men saying this is a red flag, one who knew men like this. No decent men would go on a Stag like this or be close enough friends with men like this unless they were complicit.

Case in point, the first reaction from OP's DH on her finding this PDF (again, as I said in a previous post, this isn't a random extra sentence tacked onto the bottom of an email, it was part of the itinerary and part of the planning, down to the costings) was to make a joke and call her "wagatha".

To be clear, if this was innocent, then the DH would be upset, angry at being duped by the other best man and refuse to go on a Stag where trafficked women were going to be raped, especially as it was so degrading in the first place by being written up like a shopping list.

Also, it is highly suspicious that the groom, who apparently also didn't know, is agreeing to have his Stag in a notorious sex tourist location, with a best man who writes an itinerary on costing up the rapes of trafficked women. No decent groom would do this or be friends with someone like this in the first place. The Stag should be cancelled by the groom upon this discovery and something else organised, if he really is innocent.

My DH is going on a Stag in June. They are going to London to a Michelin star restaurant on the Friday, then going on an adventure go kart type thing all day on Saturday then back to hotel for dinner. If this had been put into his inbox as an itinerary (as the best man or even just as an invited friend) he'd have cancelled going. And if he didn't cancel going, I'd be reassessing our relationship, that's for sure.

I'm sorry op, I'm really sorry, but this is not good. This is the company the groom keeps. These are the men he has invited to his stag, including the second best man who wrote up this abhorrent list. Yet, he's still going ahead. Your DH is still going ahead. At the very least the other wives and girlfriends should be made aware even if you don't want to accept the truth. I'm sorry. X

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣Of course he says that to you

I’m so glad that I have a husband who would rather lose his money and cancel, than go in a trip like this.

Just unreal that this is considered acceptable or normal.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🐽🐷🐖✈️✈️✈️

There are plenty of men who hate them. My DH has been on stag nights where a large contingent went to the strip club and he went back to the hotel with a few others.

Your lack of credulity suggests you could do with meeting a better quality of man.

It's not. I wouldn't go near a male stripper or strip event either.