Stag do plans and suspect abbreviations

[WestlieJ]

DP is joint best man for a close friends Wedding in early summer and the stag is abroad next month. DP sorted the logistics of booking, chasing everyone for payment etc (there is 16 people going). The other best man has put together a ‘plan’ for the long weekend and sent to DP for his approval.

I’ve seen this because it’s saved to iCloud and we can jointly access that through the iPad we share to watch Netflix etc.

It’s all fairly standard stuff, but the final section is titled ‘expected costs’ and lists things such as a beer, meal in restaurant, etc, to help people budget. Within this section there are abbreviations, which I’ve taken to be ‘dodgy’ given they are not written in full and one is fairly obviously a strip club, although no idea on ‘MP’.

Ive got it in front of me as took a photo so have written out exactly:

SC - Ent: €10-20 / PD: €50-70
MP - €50 / HR +€30 / OWO + €40 / PM,SO +€50 / FS €100

I have already asked DP who said he scanned over the main itinerary and didn’t even realise that last section was on there and has no idea what it means. He also said he never has and never will step foot in a strip club.

Am I being naive to think DP was unaware? And does anyone know what the last part means?

Actually these days it is, it has totally changed from a brits abroad piss up, the sex trade is HUGE there .All of the hills just above are packed with large brothels. It is beyond grim.

This exactly right. When we go on a stag do, we rarely know everyone in the party. There's sometimes a bunch who want to do nothing but drink too much. Sometimes a few who seek other pastures at times (drugs or sex). We don't police them, they do there own thing. Going on a stag do doesn't turn us into a bunch of degenerates.
But degenerates do go along on stag do's.
99% of men on stag do's are just ordinary blokes having an ordinary time.

Do you genuinely believe, that your dp believes, that the other best man compiled this list for the singles guys in the group. Because if you do then I've car I'd love to sell you. Don't get me wrong, I'm organising a trip and trying to source some gluten free options for a friend, but I draw the line at researching a happy ending for her.

I always knew deep down but I was scared to bring it up because I had zero proof but just a very strong gut feeling with a couple of clues. I'd said a few things to test the water over the years, stuff like when there was a programme on TV about Benidorm, I'd throw a comment in about the debauchery of the place to gauge his reaction, or I'd say with chest out in conversation that ALL men cheat given the chance.. Stuff like that to dip my toe in, but the bottom line was i was scared to accuse him because I only had one shot and needed proof.

That thread reignited my gut feelings and made me a bit more occupied with the suspicion as there was some very mirroring aspects of it. At Xmas my husband stayed out til 4am (not unusual) but this occasion he was with his male family members not his friends and I know for a fact that all his family are either under the thumb or respectful, and would not push it much past midnight. I genuinely have no idea what got into me because this 4am/5am is typical if he goes out but i just got a massive wave of confidence and asked him where he was and who he was with, and he admitted he was out on his own (another story and another thread of betrayal, but not cheating... I don't think). This alone totally threw me because I have been gaslit off him for many years (not recently though tbf), an actual admission of bad behaviour off him was a shock on its own but then my mouth randomly took over without any control over it and I asked him "what happened in Benidorm"... and he told me without even flinching. I genuinely think fate made me utter those words that day, I don't know why, but it wasn't me pushing them out.

I know A LOT about men, I'm one of life's obsessive observers and slueths, and I knew all about the shit his mates get up to, we speak weekly about what immoral fuckers they are and always have done, but for some reason, I never truly believed it would be him too. I genuinely think 85/90% of men would cheat if given the chance. I also think Benidorm is not the silly cheap beers and daft comedy hats place us mere mortals are led to believe - the women there are all up to the same shit as all the disgusting men.

Oh shit. I don't like the look of this OP. I'll leave you with it. Fight the good fight xx

Op men who go to Thailand for sex generally do it so that they can sexually abuse children and your dp is ok with this?

We don't police them, they do there own thing

And this is precisely why men will continue to abuse trafficked women. Because their friends just accept it. No-one calls it out. By not saying anything, you are accepting that paying these women for sex is fine.

I don't agree with the other posters saying he's definitely in on it. He might be of course but nobody here will know what's more likely.

When my DC was still a baby a big trip with an old group of my friends abroad was organised. I hadn't been away with them all for years, DH said to go and he'd stay home with baby. I went.

I thought it would be nice meals, sightseeing, nice wine... We arrived and bags of cocaine were extricated from my travel companions orifices and that was the only thing on the agenda for the whole long weekend. This was so far from my scene it's comical. I have no idea why they invited me. I was disgusted, bored and homesick.

Thankfully my DH didn't assume that just because I was there it was anything I would choose.

OP does the list not bother you at all? I know you are defending your partner and you know him best, but that list / menu is grim…

What the actual fuck??

'We arrived and bags of cocaine were extricated from my travel companions orifices and that was the only thing on the agenda for the whole long weekend'

I struggle to see how you can be friends with people and not know they're the type to have 'bags of cocaine' in their orifices. In the same way I struggle to believe the ops dp is purely accommodation planner whilst the other bm is the sex tourist/sex worker organiser nothing to do with op's poor innocent dp.

But would you still have gone if you knew heavy drug use was going to feature heavily in their plans which was something you knew you would have no intention of participating in?

Is it a shared list for all the stag then? If so, less suspect tbh but still dodgy and would be concerned personally. Guess it depends on trust, which everything does and it is never that trustworthy.

Yeah, it’s a PDF itinerary which was posted in the group chat by the other best man.

Oh come on 😄

OP, I understand this is a shock and you don’t want to think the worst of your DP but I think it’s really very unlikely he had no idea.

As another PP has pointed out, his first reaction was to say the other best man was listing costs out of thoughtfulness. No explanation what he thought the coded costs were for?

You don’t owe it to us to say you’re leaving him or that you don’t believe him. But please seriously consider how unlikely it is he would react the way he has if he wasn’t trying to cover it up.

If it’s not too late, I wouldn’t be having kids with this man and I wouldn’t be marrying him either.

did you read my analyis ?

Then I suspect he is being truthful. Hopefully he is decent and won’t do anything but clearly some in the group will. Such a shame!

It’s amazing how many people have missed this rather important bit of information….

op I’m so sorry what a hard time you are getting on here and how nasty people are talking about your partner.

Time to pop this here, this is what men think of women who have to sell themselves, the trafficked, the raped, the abused, the broken....

https://invisible-men-canada.tumblr.com/

So what did his "mates" say when he cancelled his trip?
I mean i assume he has?
Considering they are trash.

What are you what the actual fucking at? Thailand is renowned for underage sex workers and child abuse. Granted this destination is the salubrious Benidorm but the pp was probably referring to the op's dp's stag goers penchant for Thailand.

Think you missed the word ‘some’ in your post 👍

Feck this is grim reading 🤢

Probably the statement that all men go there for that…

Yes it is renowned for it but not every bloke goes there for that.

generalise every man, that’s the way