Stag do plans and suspect abbreviations

[WestlieJ]

DP is joint best man for a close friends Wedding in early summer and the stag is abroad next month. DP sorted the logistics of booking, chasing everyone for payment etc (there is 16 people going). The other best man has put together a ‘plan’ for the long weekend and sent to DP for his approval.

I’ve seen this because it’s saved to iCloud and we can jointly access that through the iPad we share to watch Netflix etc.

It’s all fairly standard stuff, but the final section is titled ‘expected costs’ and lists things such as a beer, meal in restaurant, etc, to help people budget. Within this section there are abbreviations, which I’ve taken to be ‘dodgy’ given they are not written in full and one is fairly obviously a strip club, although no idea on ‘MP’.

Ive got it in front of me as took a photo so have written out exactly:

SC - Ent: €10-20 / PD: €50-70
MP - €50 / HR +€30 / OWO + €40 / PM,SO +€50 / FS €100

I have already asked DP who said he scanned over the main itinerary and didn’t even realise that last section was on there and has no idea what it means. He also said he never has and never will step foot in a strip club.

Am I being naive to think DP was unaware? And does anyone know what the last part means?

Beautifully expressed. If your husband is oh so moral why the fuck is he empowering other men to use sex workers? Such hypocrisy.

Exactly. We aren't talking about banning anyone rather ending it when you are being taken for a mug. If a dp is pals with sex pests/sex tourists he will be one too. It shows who they are who they mix with and what pathetic excuses they make reinforces it all.

How very lucky you saw that list with abbreviations that he had completely missed. He could have been very shocked indeed when those other friends started paying for sex.

Now he'll be prepared with some good books on his Kindle when he wants to stay away from the nasty strip clubs.

Oh get real. You trust him but clearly you shouldn’t.

The list is 100% about sex and prostitutes, DP 100% knew what was happening, and you’re naive to think he wasn’t planning on getting involved. What was he planning to do, wait outside for his mate to finish getting sucked off?

You need to send this list to the other wife’s/girlfriends etc. for a start, they deserve to know the truth. I find it utterly repulsive that people defend this kind of behaviour - the groom is about to take marriage vows to the ‘love of his life’ and his way of celebrating is to cheat on her. It’s a disgrace.

If this was me, I’d be letting all of the other partners know and my partner would be out on his arse - whether we had kids or had been together for 40 years, he would be out. There’s no way he wasn’t planning to get involved, and anyone who thinks he would just go back to the hotel alone while his friends did this are beyond naive.

They aren’t friends. There’s loads of them going and he only knows a handful of them.

Absolutely! You could thoughtfully pack scrabble and ......his bags as you kick his lying arse into touch !

Why would you want to be with someone who chooses to have friends like that? Why would he be different from the rest of the group? Surely he would spend his time with people he has more in common with.

Your husband must be thrilled he has such a gullible wife.

So then why doesn't he and the handful of friends do something they would prefer to do? It's going to be a real drag for them standing outside brothels every night waiting for the rest of the group to get wanked off...

Then why this thread, OP? You trust your partner. You've seen some abbreviations on a stag do message that you don't understand. Why pursue the matter?

The letters S, T and I are worth a total of 3 points in Scrabble. Might be useful for the DH in the op.

@WestlieJ but he is happy to go on holiday with them. Even if a strip club etc is not involved, what do you think their topic of conversation will be, how they treat women they see in bars etc? He is going on holiday with some absolute sleaze bags

There's a lot of assumptions based on little evidence on this thread. It's possible the OPs husband is a sleaze ringleader and equally possible the other best man copied and pasted this from the website of some grim club without his knowledge.

Stag weekends are like any other group event, some will behave abominably, some will be happy to share banter and too much booze while others will be face timing their family at every opportunity. Everyone gets to choose what they do.

I suggest the OP really has one question, 'do you trust your husband?' If yes then let them get on with it, if no then one weekend away is the least of the problems.

I wondered what that one meant, but now I kind of wish I didn't 🤢

Why are men so disgusting? How can they enjoy sex with some poor woman who really doesn't want to be doing it?

I feel so sorry for the sex workers - I wonder how many of them do it through choice? And is it really a choice if there aren't any other jobs available? How many are trafficked?

I would not want to be with a man who used sex workers.

I may have missed it, but has anyone said PM - prostate (or perineal) massage? And SO - strap-on?

Yes, many of us speak from experience. We don't want other women making the same mistakes. There's a reason why wisdom comes with age, we've been there, done that and can see straight through it. Even if he didn't plan on doing anything (which no one will ever know) you need to ask yourself why he wasn't honest from the off about it, he hasn't said he's horrified by it, hadn't told you about it, you found out by accident and he's just cracked jokes about it. He knows he's crossing a boundary, he knows there's a risk something will happen, or he outright planned to join in and thought what goes on in Benidorm stays in Benidorm. That's why he didn't tell you anything, that's why he didn't say omg the other best man has planned x and I know the groom will be horrified what do I do, that's why he hasn't spoken to the groom already. If he genuinely thought the groom would be appalled too surely he would have told him about it before price lists for sex were being sent out.

I always find a good way of looking at these situations is to think what would I say to my best friend/daughter if they told me this. It helps you see it all through a more objective lens.

I also think when you sit back and don't speak up about the things that seem like no big deal, they're mostly not his friends, he won't join in, he has no control over it, etc, boundaries can get pushed more and more as time goes on.

I agree with previous posters this stuff will go on and on until the good men start to hold other men accountable and make it clear they don't think it's acceptable.

So your husband is cool sending around a sex menu to dudes he barely knows?

Really?

Come. On. Now.

🙄

Isn't it close friends of the groom that go on these stag dos? But your husband barely knows them? Make it at least make sense.

Why is your husband friends with men like that? Did no one teach him that when you see something immoral happening, you speak up and you cut those people off? How odd.

Spot on, @Holdmybeermoment . Where is his integrity?

When I’ve been to Spain, I’ve travelled around the coastal area, including Benidorm. Around here women sit on plastic chairs, with an umbrella at the roadside waiting for customers. I’ve found it quite upsetting to see them. I remember talking to DP and us both agreeing how awful it was to see these young women, putting themselves in danger. All these women are daughters, sisters, etc., just the same as the sex workers on the OP’s list. I find it utterly disgusting that these men are off to Benidorm clutching this shopping list.

Sex menu 🤮

It’s so rank isn’t it.

I would be so disgusted with my DH if he was passing around price lists of sex services that could be purchased from exploited/trafficked women.

Even if your husband says he isn’t going to partake in these activities OP, I don’t know how you can’t feel repulsed by him.

If he only knows a handful of them, it makes it an even more preposterous lie that he’s saying he had no idea what it meant. You don’t just send around prices for prostitutes on a whim.. They’ve obviously already discussed it on the group chat/wherever and are all fine with it, and are either planning to take advantage of the situation or see no issue with those who will.

So who exactly added these costs and abbreviations? I would want to know that. I would also say I don’t want him going to the “massage parlour” I’d find the strip club a dealbreaker too (ick factor and I would no longer fancy him if I knew he’d been some where like that) but appreciate you may have different boundaries there.

Perfectly ordinary seeming men do this on mates holidays ALL the time …I’m aware as my DP shared what went on…he liked food more than paid sex!

Agree. I was clear I didn't want a stripper at mine (or any of the other stuff). I don't care if people say that makes me more Rachel/Monica than Phoebe!
But then, I don't like the idea of paying a fortune going away for a stag/hen do anyway, but it seems seedy to use women (or men) in this way, like their bodies are just entertainment.

All you'd probably have to do is tell the one you know 'best'. Trust me, it'll get around to the rest of them.

It's sort of like the 'tell/not tell' thing with knowing someone's cheating. You can keep your knowledge to yourself, but if the injured party finds out you knew and didn't tell them it will definitely affect your friendship (even a casual one).

This 'price list' doesn't mean that a truly faithful man will 'partake', but it doesn't mean the sleazy ones won't, either. Or try to pressure the faithful ones.

Op don’t bother arguing. These strangers on the internet know your dh much better than you do. You’re naive, dumb, have low standards…blah blah blah all the other shit they trot out to make themselves feel superior.

Look when I initially read this it didn’t sound good. It especially didn’t sound good when he replied with Wagatha. But if he knew it was seedy he wouldn’t have left it somewhere you could find it. There are two people planning this and every possibility that the other best man has put this info in without your dh knowledge.

At the end of the day you know the man. Nobody here does. It’s clear that someone involved in the trip has ideas about sex workers, which is gross. But if you’re sure your dh isn’t part of that then what more can you do? Just because he’s part of a stag group doesn’t mean each and every one of them is going to cheat.