AIBU to be a little heartbroken my youngest is moving away..

[mrsleep]

DD is 23 and has a great job and nice boyfriend who she’s been with a year. Life is so good for her and we are proud of the lovely young woman she has become. She has recently decided to move 40 minutes drive away with her boyfriend, in his town. She’ll have a much longer commute but has chosen his town as it suits his work and it’s a much busier place to live with lots of shops, pubs etc and their friends are in that town.
DH and I are struggling a bit with the thought she’s moving out and quite so far away, she’s the youngest and we will then have no children at home at all. It seems like only yesterday our children were small, the house was full of noise and mess and chaos. I’ve tried not to show it but all I’ve done is cry since they had the offer accepted on the house.
I know it’s our jobs to bring them up and give them wings but bloody hell it’s hard. 😭

40 minutes is not far, and you will get used to it. Do either of you drive? It is not far to go for a day visit.
Do you feel the real reason is empty nest syndrome?

I drive further than that to the office! It’s not that far at all, I was expecting you to say 4 hrs or something.

I’m 1.5hrs from my family and still consider that fairly close, we do day trips all the time.

I’m sure it’s hard to have an empty nest but you do need to get a bit of a grip, she’s not emigrating!

40 minutes isn't really far in my book. Many people commute for longer than that. I'd consider her to be on my doorstep!

You can easily meet for short periods with that little distance. How did you imagine your futures looking? Are you the kind of family who would see each other daily?

Yes we both drive but work full time and likely will not visit during the week. I think it is more the empty nest, suddenly we are catapulted into late middle age. Our pets are on their last legs too and very soon it will be just me and DH in this big family house.

40 minutes!
That’s nothing

I know I’m being daft. Our son is 5 minutes down the road so it’s not like we are too far from either of them. It just feels all a bit quick!

Blimey, it's not as if she's emigrating (which is what I thought you were going to say)

But yes , I get it. When our youngest moved out (100 + miles away) I remember thinking "oh God now it's just 30 more years of listening to DH eat".

But in the event, we see both kids pretty often, which is lovely - but actually when they leave I do quite relish having the peace back...

40 minutes is nothing, you’re being ridiculous. I thought you were going to say the other end of the country. 40 minutes where I live is just a different part of the same city, I lived that distance from my parents for about 6 years and still saw them most weeks. We now live 40 minutes from my in-laws and see them several times a month. A 40 minute journey is not moving away.

Forty minutes?! Are you always this dramatic?

40 minutes is nothing! I moved 500 miles away from my parents when I was her age. Then I moved to Australia! A bit of perspective needed I think.

I honestly thought you were going to say Australia, in which case you wouldn't be unreasonable.

If you think 40mins is far...is it because you expect to see her daily still? She is an adult now, I don't think that's a reasonable expectation any more

And yes, my commute is 65min and I think nothing of it... 40min is so close.

Maybe this will be a good thing and widen your world a bit.

I thought from the title they were going to Australia !

I thought you were going to say abroad. I moved to the other side of the world at 22yo, still here 😅

Please get a grip thanks

It’s hard when they leave no matter how far or near they are. Shows you raised lovely people that you like to be around.
I hear you.

Oh come on @mrsleep it's 40 minutes. DS and DIL and pending grandchild are in SA. DD is likely to move to N Europe, possibly HK with her partner in the next twelve months.

I am thrilled they are doing brave and independent things.

admittedly DH and I are starting to rattle around a bit

40 minutes isn't far at all. You could visit through the week if you wanted to, regardless of working fulltime.

Try to reframe it in your mind. Instead of thinking that you wish they were buying closer, tell yourself that you're so happy that they're not going to be 5 hours away. Or on the other side of the world.

It’s 40 minutes. In the nicest possible way, get a grip. It’s really not at all far

40 minutes. Takes me that long to get to work!

I just drove 40 minutes to run errands. That is not moving away.

I'd try and think of it as her moving out, rather than moving away. 40mins is pretty close really.

40 mins isn’t far at all. You’ll settle into a new routine soon enough.

I definitely agree that you need to reframe it as to how lovely that they are nearby . 40 mins is nothing - it takes me that or longer to get to work. My Dad lives 50 ish miles from me and I visit him once a week.

I understand the empty nest situation must be something to adjust to.

If my DS18 were in the future to move within 40 mins of me I would feel blessed

It is hard. I'm now past that stage and both my DC are happy in their relationships and now enjoying living in their first homes. It's so lovely when you have them back within a new type of family gathering - we often do a 'Sunday dinner get together' and recently I've had all their partners' relatives here including DP's grandparents! I really like both kids partners' families and I hope we are now morphing into the next phase of all of our lives-an even bigger family unit-it's so much fun and there is so much love. We are not an untainted 'family' - there has been a very bitter divorce with myself and 1st exH, a wild but whacky second marriage with a childhood sweetheart for me - now separated but still friends and I have acquired the best StepD ever. I look back and I now see I have completed the most important part of parenting. If I drop down dead tomorrow ( age; late 50's) my DC will survive/and hopefully thrive. I have had to parent through emotional abuse (both exH) gritted teeth, silent despair and utter hatred at times, but here we all are, happy, thriving. My Dd and StepD are really close for life now-and have many mutual friends - an extended family yes, a happy family absolutely. You post look forward OP, not back X