AIBU to be a little heartbroken my youngest is moving away..

[mrsleep]

DD is 23 and has a great job and nice boyfriend who she’s been with a year. Life is so good for her and we are proud of the lovely young woman she has become. She has recently decided to move 40 minutes drive away with her boyfriend, in his town. She’ll have a much longer commute but has chosen his town as it suits his work and it’s a much busier place to live with lots of shops, pubs etc and their friends are in that town.
DH and I are struggling a bit with the thought she’s moving out and quite so far away, she’s the youngest and we will then have no children at home at all. It seems like only yesterday our children were small, the house was full of noise and mess and chaos. I’ve tried not to show it but all I’ve done is cry since they had the offer accepted on the house.
I know it’s our jobs to bring them up and give them wings but bloody hell it’s hard. 😭

Of course you’re not being unreasonable OP. It’s irrelevant how near or far your youngest is moving to from home because it signals more than that for you. Those saying you are being unreasonable because of it being a relatively short distance away are missing the point of its meaning for you.

It shifts you into another role. Of course you will still be her mother, but lots of other things will change for you. When my youngest moved away to university, I was so happy for her, that she had got to where she wanted to be for that stage of her life but I experienced it also as grief almost. My heart was bursting with both pride and loss. Simultaneously.

You do get used to it over time. Your relationship will change - not necessarily worsen or be better. Just different perhaps. And then, this year, my eldest has announced she’s going to live abroad with her boyfriend. I experienced it all over again. It’s tough being a parent.

40 minutes isn’t far at all. I work with people who do a 40 minute commute and consider it still to be local. I thought I was going to read moving to Oz or the other end of the country.

My dd and her bf moved to Australia just after Covid. We haven’t seen them now for nearly two years. We were supposed to go over in May but we are flying with Qatar Airways and it’s highly likely our flights will be cancelled. We can’t afford to simply cancel and rebook until they cancel the flights so in limbo.

Honestly 40 minutes is nothing.

Just wanted to say after a really rough day with a 3 year old and a baby this made me BLUB!

Of course yanbu, your feelings are your feelings. It sounds like you've done a great job and have excellent relationships.

These will change but still be rewarding.

Maybe this could be your time to pursue some new passions for yourself?

I'd love to hear the apprenticeships your children chose OP. My children are much younger but I already think about how to advise them when they're considering uni or other routes. It sounds like you have raised two kids with their heads really screwed on. Good jobs, relationships, their own houses at 23. You and your DH must be so proud of them (and hopefully a little bit of yourselves too).

Freedom ! It is fantastic, you can do what you want, when you want. Best part is when you go out for the day and you come back and the house is in exactly the same state you left it in. You will be fine x

40 minutes away and that’s too far?! 😂😂 my commute to the office is that, that’s next to no distance away. I live 200 miles from my parents.

@OhDear111 genuinely my family, okay maybe not every day but i grew up with one set of grandparents literally at the end of our farm track we saw daily and my mums mum would be at our house at least 3/4 times a week. I'm the same with my mum and in laws now.

My children are 18 and 15 and I'm already dreading them leaving! Trying to emotionally prepare myself ha ha. I know what you mean and I think grieving when your youngest child moves away is perfectly normal.

I used to drive DD 45 mins to an evening gymnastics class when she was about 11. After work, 45 mins there, 90 min class, 45 mins back.

Absolutely no reason you couldn’t visit them mid-week if you all wanted to.

but maybe it’s time to cut the apron strings.

Must be so hard when your children are grown up and moving out. Mine are only 6 and 7 and I already dread that day. So no you aren’t being unreasonable at all. However, she is still fairly close, and I’m sure you will see each other plenty and talk on the phone. I guess it is something you will get used to.

I sympathise, I was heartbroken when my daughter moved out. I think it's the sadness at knowing your little girl is all grown up and missing the little girl she was. You'll get over it in a little while.

It is a weird feeling but embrace the positives, your house will stay tidy, food won't vanish without trace, no queuing for the bathroom and you can have spontaneous sex on the sofa!

Try telling that to my mum when i move a continent and a 15 hour plane ride away. You'll be fine op - 40mins is nothing - i would have given a kidney to be 40 mins away from my family if i could.

This is actually quite funny! My eldest lives an hour away in north London (I live in SW London) and I feel so lucky she’s so close as my middle one is in the US. It’s all relative I guess.

40 mins! OP, my DH’s commute to work is longer. I moved 3 hours away for uni at 18, then 600 miles away at 22 (and still remain that distance away at age 40). I thought you meant Australia! 🤣

40 mins is nothing! You will get used to the peace and quiet. Then the grandkids will come along and the peace will be shattered again!

The whole point is that the last child is leaving home. It doesn't matter if she's 40 min away, she won't be living at home, she's making a new home and not with the OP! I found it weird when my second went to university, it was just...quiet and odd although I've adapted very easily and love it!

I moved 9 hours away at 22
Now that's far 40 minutes not so much
You'll cope op it's still very manageable

My youngest is 18 and studying for an officer cadetship in the merchant navy
next month he goes on his first practical assignment…. Flying to Bermuda alone, joining a ship, sailing back to Calais and then onwards to Brazil.
alternating between pride and excitement for the amazing experience he will have
and absolute fear and sadness

it’s hard

She's moving 40 minutes away!
That's local.

Its sounds like a perfectly reasonable reason to choose that town.

Have you also considered that maybe they've chosen to move "away" to put some space between new because you do sound a bit over involved in her life & suffocating.

40 minutes away and you're crying? Seriously?

My daughter lives a 40 minute drive away from us and we're in the same city!

Are you from the NE by any chance?!