AIBU to be a little heartbroken my youngest is moving away..

[mrsleep]

DD is 23 and has a great job and nice boyfriend who she’s been with a year. Life is so good for her and we are proud of the lovely young woman she has become. She has recently decided to move 40 minutes drive away with her boyfriend, in his town. She’ll have a much longer commute but has chosen his town as it suits his work and it’s a much busier place to live with lots of shops, pubs etc and their friends are in that town.
DH and I are struggling a bit with the thought she’s moving out and quite so far away, she’s the youngest and we will then have no children at home at all. It seems like only yesterday our children were small, the house was full of noise and mess and chaos. I’ve tried not to show it but all I’ve done is cry since they had the offer accepted on the house.
I know it’s our jobs to bring them up and give them wings but bloody hell it’s hard. 😭

All of my children live 2-4 hrs away and we still see them loads. We go see them, they come see us and we do loads of other stuff in completely different places. I live 3500 miles away from my own Mum and I still chat to her on a very regular basis.

Just be happy she's thriving and doing and being exactly where she's supposed to be. 23 is such an exciting time in life!

Flipin heck. I don't know how you would cope with our multi national family. I've 4 adult youngsters. Only 1 lives local to me, and in this country.

My eldest is happily married, with two children, my middle two grandchildren I help out with and have every Saturday. He won't move away. My DiL wouldn't move from where they are. It's where she was bought up too.

My daughter lives, in Canada with her partner and my two youngest grandchildren. Thank goodness for video calling and inexpensive ease of flights today. I go out once a year

My third youngster lives in Thailand with his wife to be.

My youngest in N.Z. I get plenty of holidays mind with only flight tickets to find

Both my DDs went to to boarding school 1 hour away from home. When in y9 both went to school in South Africa for 1 term. They were 13. No, we didn’t go in the plane with either of them. Other dc in the school went to Australia and New Zealand at the same age. Why have we become so over attached to children and young adults? It’s not letting them develop.

40 minutes? 😱. End of the world.

The day me or my little sister leave our parents house will break me. She's my other half !

How you feel is how you feel, no matter whether it's 40 mins, 10 mins or 10 hours away. The youngest in the family is always the 'baby' and it's hard to let go. Try to make some plans for yourself and for you and DH - day trips somewhere you've always wanted to go etc. You'll still miss her but having other things to think about will make it easier.

She'll always be your baby OP but you know you have to not just let her go but be excited for her too. She's not far away. You are so lucky both your adult DC are so close by. 40 mins is no time.

Try to think of it as, ' We have raised children who are able to be independent, make their own decisions and are grown up'. It's what parents should do, and you have done it.

I’m the opposite right now. My youngest is moving this week and my oldest will be following. I can’t wait tbh as it’s been stressful with son’s girlfriend moving in as well. She bought a dog with her and my son already has a dog she no longer wanted. They all do very little round the house, moan they have to financially contribute to the household, leave mess and stuff around the house and make forever asking them to tidy, clear, pick up dog mess etc. Doesn’t help too that I work from home and there’s too much going on and it’s put a huge strain on my marriage as we parent quite differently and my two are quite rude and entitled to me and my husband does nothing. He will pick up after them and do things for them so of course they’re not ‘learning’ anything so because I refuse and ask them to deal with they’re things I get resistance. I’m counting down the days for peace and quiet!! Doesn’t help that this is my youngest 5th move so I’m so I’m so over it now and it’s financially and mentally draining!

My eldest moved around 45 min away. I was also a bit gutted. We see her around once or twice a month, either she comes to us, meet half way or we visit her. We talk around 3x a week.
youngest is buying a house 5 min away so will see loads more of her.

im always torn between wanting them to fly the nest and soar and wanting to keep them near.

It’s daunting when children move out and a big change but be proud that you have raised them to be brave and have independence. Just wish her good luck and be supportive with the biggest smile even if you don’t feel it inside. 40 mins is no distance - keep yourself busy if you feel overwhelmed , don’t taint it for her by showing in any way that you are upset.

40 mins is nothing. It can take me that to drive from one side of my town to the other!

Three of mine live further away than that and I still see them regularly, one lives in Canada so a very long way away.

Empty nest is hard, but you get used to it.

I get it - the house will be very quiet and it’s a bid adjustment

Dear God, some people are unpleasant on here. You sound absolutely lovely and very rational, OP. You clearly feel happy for your daughter and you know that this is a phase that will pass but you are allowed to feel sad at this big change in your life.

It isn't about the distance or the fact that this is a natural development, it's the change in the relationship, your home, and in your everyday life that this brings with it. Of course you will adjust. Of course it isn't a 'big deal' to anyone else. But to you and your husband it is.

I'm in almost the same position right now and I do feel a sense of loss and almost a little bereaved. That doesn't mean I'm not happy too, to have raised a daughter who is moving on, growing up and having her own life.

I'll be fine, you'll be fine, but we're allowed some sadness at the same time no matter what some people say on here.

I don’t remember feeling that sad when my kids moved out, but I was a bit when my son emigrated to America, to marry an American girl. . I didn’t let him know though. I plastered a smile on, and waved him off.

We give them wings so should let them fly.

Gently, OP, this is a bit mad. For comparison, I have four siblings, and at one point, our parents were in our native Ireland and we were living longterm in Tokyo, Beijing, Boston, rural Poland and and a Greek island.

I would recommend getting a dog, if you already have one, get another one.

maybe some chickens. X

Absolutely not! This is the period of the OP's life in which she and/or her DH can decide to go away for the weekend on a whim at no notice. Having to arrange petsitters and kennels will wreck that.

No more dogs! Ours is 17 and is needing us all the time. I’m losing my dog sitter now DD is moving out - how inconsiderate of her! 🤣🤣

If you ask for opinions, or ask if your being unreasonable, then expect to get a variety of answers.
It really isn't far 4O minutes
If you can't accept a variety of answers don't post.

It doesn't matter how far away she is moving, you're feeling the loss and the emptiness. Don't bother with the petty comments, your upset is a natural part of life and it's ok. You've done a great job in raising all your children to be independant. I promise the tears ease and life moves on. 🥰