AIBU to be a little heartbroken my youngest is moving away..

[mrsleep]

DD is 23 and has a great job and nice boyfriend who she’s been with a year. Life is so good for her and we are proud of the lovely young woman she has become. She has recently decided to move 40 minutes drive away with her boyfriend, in his town. She’ll have a much longer commute but has chosen his town as it suits his work and it’s a much busier place to live with lots of shops, pubs etc and their friends are in that town.
DH and I are struggling a bit with the thought she’s moving out and quite so far away, she’s the youngest and we will then have no children at home at all. It seems like only yesterday our children were small, the house was full of noise and mess and chaos. I’ve tried not to show it but all I’ve done is cry since they had the offer accepted on the house.
I know it’s our jobs to bring them up and give them wings but bloody hell it’s hard. 😭

I just had a conversation where I encouraged DS to
move several hours away. It’s healthy not to
live next door to your parents in my view.

"moving away", it's 40 minutes, she's just moving out! You'll be fine.

Aah you will be fine . 40mins is not very far away at all. Spare a thought for us parents whose children are over in Australia,now that is a long way from home !

I drive 45 minutes to commute to work.

You’ll be fine.

I'll be heart broken too when my 3 fly the nest. And proud. And happy they are independent. What a wonderful job you have done if she is buying a place so young. 40 minutes isn't far, but it's also not around the corner....so you will miss her. Stay strong. (And don't buy her too much stuff for the place....she'll want cash to choose her own bits!!)

Dear God, 40 minutes drive is virtually on your doorstep, so she's not "moving away" at all. It's great she's doing her own thing though, OP, so just relax and let her get on with it.

I came on this thread to sympathise as I was surprised at how hard I took it when DS moved abroad, thousands of miles away. But OP, she's only 40 mins away! You can easily still see her, invite them over for Sunday lunch, drop by to help with DIY etc.

I agree that it's not healthy to purposely live right near parents. Not several hours away necessarily, but at least 10 to 15 minutes drive. (5 to 10 miles.... minimum...) I know some people who live within a 10 minute walk of their parents. Some live in the same street. Families of 3 or 4 generations who never left the village, small town, or big estate they grew up on.

Co-dependent, in and out of each others houses 4-5 times a week, never leave the area, kids grow up in the area, and grandkids, and great grandkids. Some work, some don't. The ones who do work, work within 1-2 miles of where they live. 3 to 5 family members work for the same employer. It's just all so odd in the 21st century. It's like Coronation Street. Very insular and restrictive. Most of them have never been abroad, and very likely never will.

It is hard, and I do understand how it feels. However DH and I have got used to it just being us at home now. Ds lives a 10 mins drive away, DD a 2 hour drive - she never came back to live after university, but regularly comes to visit. I love having her back to stay, and having DS back too for a family meal all together, and I really look forward to each visit. However once we've dropped her and her DFiance at the station or driven them back I do look at DH and say lovely to have them come back, so glad we get on well, but nice to have our own space again.

I also love visiting DS in his own home, especially when he invites us round for a meal, and I'm looking forward to DD getting married this summer and buying their own house - it will be much easier to visit them for a weekend then.

I hope you get past the sadness and can really enjoy spending time with your DC when you choose to, not just because they live with you.

My kids left home and now it’s just me rattling around (single mum). I do have a dog so I have company. My son and his gf might come back to save for a deposit though 🥳

Have you not had an empty nest before with university etc?

Your kids have successfully launched and are nearby. Best to feel grateful and proud I think? Though some sadness is ok of course.

You do get used to it , the worst bit is the run up to it and first couple of weeks , then it comes your new normal

Aww, your post is sweet. Mine lives 7hrs away. Coming back to visit for the Easter weekend and I cannot wait. I've loved being a parent.

40 mins is close enough. It feels like a huge shift but you'll get into the swing and rhythm of visits.

40 minutes drive! I thought you meant Australia! You probably need to get a life! Sorry.

Heartbroken 🙄 ridiculous but how very mumsnet
You’ll be “shaking with anger” next … or perhaps “sobbing with grief” 🙄

My oldest DS moved to the US .. try to get some perspective

I think it's the empty house, cooking for two. Even the dogs go nuts when they turn up for the weekend.

Aww op I feel for you. I have a few years before i'm at this stage but i'm already dreading it. Yes 40 minutes isn't far but it's also not pop in for a quick cuppa every day either and just so different to actually have to make plans to see her rather than her just being around all the time.

I feel quite fortunate at the moment.
24 year old moved home after uni to save for a house. Her sister is in her second year at uni so she’s home often.
But they have plans to move out together when DD2 graduates.
I’m trying to savour every moment of living in the bubble of their chaos while not letting my thoughts go too many years ahead.
at the moment DD1 is trying to fill DD2s head with a possible move to Canada!!!
Whenever they finally leave I know it’s going to cripple me in the short term, I still have a few days of mourning when they go back to uni after the summer hols!!
But I’m so happy that they are confident enough to spread their wings.
must mean we’ve done something right.
The dog, however is another matter.
he’s never truly happy until we’re all under one roof 😂

@middleagedandinarage A cuppa every day? Who does this with adult dc? They are not babies!

40 mins is nothing.. quite a few of dd’s friends have moved to Australia!

It’s all new as neither of the children went to uni, they both had very good apprenticeships (hence the reason they can buy homes at 23). So they’ve both lived with us full time (and their partners at various times) whilst they saved their deposits. Child one left 2 years ago aged 23 and child two (now 23) goes too. At one point with partners we were a house of 6 (plus 6 cars to park) now it’ll be just me and DH.
I'm feeling better today, it’s so lovely to see them so excited about it all. I will cry buckets the day she moves out but I’ll try and be brave to her face, she deserves a mum and dad who are thrilled for her rather than guilting her for moving out

I feel for you, its really hard coming to terms with her not living with you. You will adjust gradually - and she won't be that far away. Maybe she'll stay for whole weekends or you can all go on holiday together. So it will be different but can open up be things too.

it is hard.

Sounds great to me. I wish my 23 year old was that sorted.